Losing it...(long post, go get coffee) - Page 2 - ThinnerTimes

MiladyB · 07-06-2008, 09:43 AM

Deb, I SO get where you are coming from. I experienced much of the same thing except for the friend part. Probably because I had so few friends to begin with. I do have one childhood friend who is MO. I saw her this weekend. I hadn't talked to her in over 1 1/2 years. I could tell there was a lot of tension on her part and I could see the wall go up as soon as I said "Hi" to her and gave her a big hug. I told her I wanted to spend time with her. She actually never really responded. There was just this uncomfortable silence. I really would love to see her take the step of surgery. But from my own experience there really isn't much I can do except maybe gently plant the seed.

In regards to having a really hard time knowing yourself and trusting yourself? I know what you are talking about, because I went through that too right about at the same point you are at. I found myself feeling very much at loose ends. Very unsettled. It was hard for me to understand. I had lost 175 pounds but I was having a hard time feeling happy for myself. I think in reality I didn't trust the person that I saw emerging. She was honestly a total stranger to me. It takes time and hard work to embrace the new person in your life. For so many years we didn't trust people. The food was really one of the few things that was a constant.

For myself I had to find that inner thread that was still within myself. The thread that was there in MO and still there now. Once I found it, I found my peace of mind.....and I could embrace this stranger as someone I knew, and someone I could trust. It was only when I was able to come to that point that I felt whole. That my inner and outer self felt in-sync.

Give yourself time. Search deep for that consistent inner thread. It's there. It really is. It is your true self....and it is the part that you can trust and embrace.

Gina in NY · 07-06-2008, 05:36 PM

Now I'm not at goal yet, but let me tell you, this last bit is what makes the difference in other people's eyes. No offense meant to anyone, but there is a huge difference in perception between being a 12 or a 4. I mean huge. I experienced more of a change in my friends' behavior going from a 12 to an 8 than at any other time. And the fact that I'm still losing...my family has lost it now. They are so irrational with me, I can't even describe it.

I soooo hear you. Being a little over weight is okay, but when you get down to really thin and/or heaven forbid, hot (not that I am there, but I'm close enough to have freaked out a few people) You become the enemy. You're on "the other side".

I am clearly that woman I hated when I was MO. I have gone to the other side and what is crazy, is I'm not a 4 yet - I am still an 8 - even a 10 petite, but something changes this last bit.

You should just pm me Deb, there is a lot we can talk about on this.

LisaM · 07-08-2008, 04:28 AM

Debz, dear heart,

You watched a lot of my journey, I know... and from the perspective of two years ahead of your rebirth, I can tell you that in some senses I went through very similar head trips.

I liked what someone said earlier--that we hated ourselves when we were fat, so expecting to be able to refrain from judging others who are heavy is one of the toughest trips. Some days I still can't. I had no sympathy for myself when I was fat, generating it for someone else is hard, and some days it's impossible. I am NOT saying this is a good thing, it's not. But it's human. We are always a work in progress. And, for me, it's just one more thing on the ever-increasing list of things that I'm going to hell for.

If it helps, as I got thinner, I started acting on my environment, including other people, rather than reacting. I am friendlier, more open, less defensive, while still being realistically cynical about the human race. People are drawn to me now, where before they would have turned away. I can see it, feel it, sense it. But it didn't happen in a year, it happened somewhere after the two year mark.

The friend thing--I had one best friend and lots of acquaintances anyway. Most of that emotion and need was invested in my family and my marriage. My marriage is now kaput, but we're still friends, and my family is much closer than they were before. From listening to other folks, it seems that many friendships are/were based on more surface attributes, like weight, than on deeper emotional bonds. At least on the part of other people...you may have felt emotionally close to them, but they were obviously basing their friendship with you on something else, which went away with your weight. THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. They expected something from you (to stay fat, not to change) that you aren't going to satisfy, and their expectations are their problem.

Not trying to be harsh, just trying to be truthful. My two cents (and probably worth about that much).

JumboJulie · 07-08-2008, 10:38 PM

Debbie ... I listen to you and my heart just opens up. Not because I feel sorry for you ... but because I understand you so well. It's like I hear you speaking my thoughts. There is so much burried in me and I'm screaming at the top of my lungs, but nobody is listening.

I can just imagine us sitting outside at Starbucks ... sunglasses, iced americano and a total connection. I really wish I lived in NY right now ... we'd be re-united sisters!

If you're ever up to it, PM me with your phone number. I would love to talk with you ... not even my shrink understands half of what you do.