Regret - Page 5 - ThinnerTimes

Corrine · 07-09-2008, 08:43 PM

Heather,

My heart goes out to you but you know, and I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but maybe now is the time to stop playing the victim.

Good does come from this surgery but it takes a great deal of commitment and hard work from you.

First thing you need to do is hang around this forum. There's a wealth of knowledge and experience here. People have been through things that you couldn't imagine. But the support you'll get is second to none. Read and post often.

Second, you need to start getting active. It doesn't matter that you've got no where to go, just get up and walk for a while. Start enjoying your surroundings, look at all the flowers - whatever - it doesn't matter what - it'll take your mind off all the negative feelings that are overwhelming you right now.

This all takes time and a serious level of commitment from you to get up, get dressed and make yourself look pretty. But you can do it. And each day, do just a little more than the previous day and honestly, you will start feeling better. It doesn't happen overnight but I promise you, within a week you will feel 100% better - not just physically but mentally.

Heather0788 · 07-09-2008, 09:09 PM

Since I am playing the victim I am just going to say thank you to everyone and goodbye. Not going to stay somewhere that makes me feel worse. Yall said let you know how I am feeling and now I just feel like its not worth it cuz im portrayed as an exagurated crazy lying victim who slipped through the system.

Phoenixfire · 07-09-2008, 10:49 PM

I'm going to talk to you like I talk to my teenager daughter. You can leave if you don't like what you're hearing. But you came here for help and you're going to get it. Like it or not. It's up to you to take it or leave it, that's the freedom of being an adult right?

Okay, so I'm going to highlight the importanat steps I'm going to tell you to do, so they are easy to reference. Print this out and use it. If you don't have a printer then just write out the things I've highlighted. I'm familiar with the mental state/physical state you're in, and I think I have some wisdom that will help you a lot. I hope you can hear it Heather.

First off, I KNOW your mom has had her challenges in trying to help you mature to a responsible young adult. She tried her best with the tools she had and with who you were/are. She did her best and god bless her for it. It isn't easy to raise a kid to be independent and responsible and respectful. Mostly because teens think they know it all. I know I thought I did when I was a teenager, but I didn't know squat compared to what I know now.

Okay, so right now you're living in a situation you created yourself, with the help of some challenging and difficult struggles. We all have them. Read my recent thread if you'd like some company for your misery kiddo. It ain't gonna get all grins and giggles overnight. BUT IT WILL GET BETTER. Believe it or not, it will.

You're an adult now and you have the legal right to make adult decisions. You made one and now you have the responsibility that goes with it. I'm telling you that you have a GREAT opportunity lying in your lap. But with depression (Yep I've had it on and off after years of parental neglect) and isolation (yep had it too) you have some tougher challenges.

Basically you need some foster parenting. Not thru the legal system, but thru the old school method. A church. I don't care what your religion is, but god grants grace to many individuals (some are even on here-with hearts that care as you can already tell). Your local phone book has a list of TONS of churches. Get the phone book out. I don't care if they are 11 miles away. Pastors and people on the benevolence committees have cars. They have something called "benevolence committees" and "benevolent funds." The mormons have a huge mission in this area, so you could look there first. So right now you must call some churches until you find someone who is close to you who can help you with humanity care. You can't afford to be arrogant or young and dumb by not asking for help from people in YOUR area that can come give you temporary aid. You need it. And you know it. Your mom has her reasons for making her decisions, and I respect them because I'm a mom who knows how it is when a kid makes decisions and pisses away the good things parents give their kids.

So pull up your big girl panties. If you don't have vitamins, then get them by asking for help from a church aid. Ask them to take you to Walmart, tell them you had surgery. Hell, go back to the military hospital or call them and ask for a prescription for prenatals. The copay should be dirt cheap. Those vitamins are better than nothing. AND get whey protein powder at Walmart along with a gallon of milk and cans of soup.

If you don't have a ride to a therapist then get one. If you don't have a therapist then get one (churches have counselors and they are free or sliding scale). If you have no income and are recovering from surgery, then you NEED an advocate there to "mother" you right now. Not forever, and not to be someone to "save" you, but someone to AID you toward independence. Your family did their best and you are where you are. You are blessed to have free rent at grandma's. That's something to be grateful for. I'm glad you have it and I hope you express your gratitude to your grandma or your mom, whoever it was that arranged your free rent situation. Are you expressing it? Gratitude goes A LONG way towards nurturing a positive relationship!

As an aside, I'm not going to even bother to be concerned about getting flak from anyone on here that thinks this is harsh. My post is PURPOSEFUL and has PRACTICAL suggestions. I hope that you can read these Heather, really HEAR them, and ACT on them: pick up the phone book and CALL.

If you don't have a phone book then use the internet you're using to use this forum to do a church search within 20 miles of your address. Or even call the phone company and tell them to send a phone book out to you. They will do this. I've had to have it done when I was stranded in Oklahoma. Or get to the library. All you need to find is one caring woman (forget a man...find a woman...a man will raise male/female rescue issues you do NOT need right now). So go find her, your angel on earth. She's out there right now, I just know she is. Mine were when I needed them, when I was in shoes much like yours.

It's up to you my dear young one to find her. Once you do, then the hope you find will boost you. I just know this. And I know it because I'm old. And I CARE. And keep posting. We deserve to hear your progress and your forward motion. People here have big hearts and we CARE about others who have had the same surgery. We're a unique lot, and not everyong "gets it" about this surgery.

Write me privately if you want. I won't spank you, you're too old and I don't have a long enough spoon to reach, but I will encourage you and hold you accountable for taking steps to get off your duff and LIVE. It's up to you now, and it would be a goddamn shame if you let yourself wither away and die. Don't let it happen. You deserve better, and so does the rest of the world that cares about you (including your mama, believe it or not right now).

Baja Big Dog · 07-10-2008, 07:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather0788

Since I am playing the victim I am just going to say thank you to everyone and goodbye. Not going to stay somewhere that makes me feel worse. Yall said let you know how I am feeling and now I just feel like its not worth it cuz im portrayed as an exagurated crazy lying victim who slipped through the system.

Heather dear, what exactly did you expect from this forum?

If you have read any on the other threads you would come to the conclusion that there is a very diverse group of opinions to get here, so dont expect to post something, and expect to hear what you want to hear. tO aint gonna happen!!

Listen to Phoenix's post, she seems to be positive and attempting to tell you how to get help, and what ever method you use, YOU NEED HELP!!

I am a huge advocate of education, and I received some very detailed education before the surgery, (6 months worth) and I feel this is the prime example of why education is mandatory. Its too bad you didn't receive any before you had this done,

Stay busy, yea walk or anything, I know one thing that can keep you busy, get on the internet, and research the labor laws for your state, and although I'm not a fan of the courts, you have a prime case for suing your employer, you cannot be terminated for medical leave if your doctor written it off, so that can keep you busy for a while, get to it.

As far as reversal, if you are going to loose your medical, I can assure you that you will not be able to afford the reversal on your own, so maybe it would be easier to figure out how to live with it, it really isn't hard.

Cant afford the vits, well read my Sig line, its a running tally of the money I saved by not eating as much, I'm pretty sure I could afford a lot of vits for 1500 bucks!!

Dont take your ball and run, and don't ask a question if you cant take the answer, again, there is wealth of knowledge from many people here, and some is GOOD, some is BAD, and some is UGLY! (but your probably too young to understand that one!)

Hello Katie · 07-10-2008, 08:17 PM

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you're going through all of this alone. My family and fiance were what got me through my bad days and I hope you find something that makes you feel better, I think you've gotten some good advice and tips on here.
You WILL be happy again, it's just going to take time. Your body has just been through hell, completely torn apart and re-worked and is still healing and adjusting. It's normal to feel the way you do, just be patient and give your body and your mind some time to adjust. It's hard to see it now but in 6 months you're going to look back and feel so good about how far you've come. I was hungry for the first 3 months and then it got easier. I didn't crave the bad stuff anymore.. it was like the longer I went without it the less my body needed it. The hunger slowly went away as well, it just takes time. Unfortunately it's not a magic operation where you wake up as a "skinny" person but it does get easier and better over time. I hope you feel better soon!

Claire-in-Texas · 07-11-2008, 04:28 AM

Mmmmm, dunno about this one. My opinion is that it points to being ready going in, having ducks in line, and knowing what to expect -- and embracing totally the commitment. And having a tough and resilient attitude.

Sometimes one feels really crummy, but when you know you are following the guidelines, you know that it is just part of the process.

I wish you well, Heather....

princesse · 07-11-2008, 05:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Phoenixfire

I'm going to talk to you like I talk to my teenager daughter. You can leave if you don't like what you're hearing. But you came here for help and you're going to get it. Like it or not. It's up to you to take it or leave it, that's the freedom of being an adult right?

Okay, so I'm going to highlight the importanat steps I'm going to tell you to do, so they are easy to reference. Print this out and use it. If you don't have a printer then just write out the things I've highlighted. I'm familiar with the mental state/physical state you're in, and I think I have some wisdom that will help you a lot. I hope you can hear it Heather.

First off, I KNOW your mom has had her challenges in trying to help you mature to a responsible young adult. She tried her best with the tools she had and with who you were/are. She did her best and god bless her for it. It isn't easy to raise a kid to be independent and responsible and respectful. Mostly because teens think they know it all. I know I thought I did when I was a teenager, but I didn't know squat compared to what I know now.

Okay, so right now you're living in a situation you created yourself, with the help of some challenging and difficult struggles. We all have them. Read my recent thread if you'd like some company for your misery kiddo. It ain't gonna get all grins and giggles overnight. BUT IT WILL GET BETTER. Believe it or not, it will.

You're an adult now and you have the legal right to make adult decisions. You made one and now you have the responsibility that goes with it. I'm telling you that you have a GREAT opportunity lying in your lap. But with depression (Yep I've had it on and off after years of parental neglect) and isolation (yep had it too) you have some tougher challenges.

Basically you need some foster parenting. Not thru the legal system, but thru the old school method. A church. I don't care what your religion is, but god grants grace to many individuals (some are even on here-with hearts that care as you can already tell). Your local phone book has a list of TONS of churches. Get the phone book out. I don't care if they are 11 miles away. Pastors and people on the benevolence committees have cars. They have something called "benevolence committees" and "benevolent funds." The mormons have a huge mission in this area, so you could look there first. So right now you must call some churches until you find someone who is close to you who can help you with humanity care. You can't afford to be arrogant or young and dumb by not asking for help from people in YOUR area that can come give you temporary aid. You need it. And you know it. Your mom has her reasons for making her decisions, and I respect them because I'm a mom who knows how it is when a kid makes decisions and pisses away the good things parents give their kids.

So pull up your big girl panties. If you don't have vitamins, then get them by asking for help from a church aid. Ask them to take you to Walmart, tell them you had surgery. Hell, go back to the military hospital or call them and ask for a prescription for prenatals. The copay should be dirt cheap. Those vitamins are better than nothing. AND get whey protein powder at Walmart along with a gallon of milk and cans of soup.

If you don't have a ride to a therapist then get one. If you don't have a therapist then get one (churches have counselors and they are free or sliding scale). If you have no income and are recovering from surgery, then you NEED an advocate there to "mother" you right now. Not forever, and not to be someone to "save" you, but someone to AID you toward independence. Your family did their best and you are where you are. You are blessed to have free rent at grandma's. That's something to be grateful for. I'm glad you have it and I hope you express your gratitude to your grandma or your mom, whoever it was that arranged your free rent situation. Are you expressing it? Gratitude goes A LONG way towards nurturing a positive relationship!

As an aside, I'm not going to even bother to be concerned about getting flak from anyone on here that thinks this is harsh. My post is PURPOSEFUL and has PRACTICAL suggestions. I hope that you can read these Heather, really HEAR them, and ACT on them: pick up the phone book and CALL.

If you don't have a phone book then use the internet you're using to use this forum to do a church search within 20 miles of your address. Or even call the phone company and tell them to send a phone book out to you. They will do this. I've had to have it done when I was stranded in Oklahoma. Or get to the library. All you need to find is one caring woman (forget a man...find a woman...a man will raise male/female rescue issues you do NOT need right now). So go find her, your angel on earth. She's out there right now, I just know she is. Mine were when I needed them, when I was in shoes much like yours.

It's up to you my dear young one to find her. Once you do, then the hope you find will boost you. I just know this. And I know it because I'm old. And I CARE. And keep posting. We deserve to hear your progress and your forward motion. People here have big hearts and we CARE about others who have had the same surgery. We're a unique lot, and not everyong "gets it" about this surgery.

Write me privately if you want. I won't spank you, you're too old and I don't have a long enough spoon to reach, but I will encourage you and hold you accountable for taking steps to get off your duff and LIVE. It's up to you now, and it would be a goddamn shame if you let yourself wither away and die. Don't let it happen. You deserve better, and so does the rest of the world that cares about you (including your mama, believe it or not right now).

Can I come live at your house??

snick1899 · 07-11-2008, 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heather0788

Since I am playing the victim I am just going to say thank you to everyone and goodbye. Not going to stay somewhere that makes me feel worse. Yall said let you know how I am feeling and now I just feel like its not worth it cuz im portrayed as an exagurated crazy lying victim who slipped through the system.

I don't know if you are still reading this, but for your sake, I hope that you are.

I agree with everyone, you need to get some help. I say this real concern. And there is nothing wrong with asking for it, realizing you need it only helps to make you stronger. It's the first step in regaining control.

I have to agree with everyone that you are also playing the victim. I have been in the emotional hole that you are in. Not from the surgery, but from other emotional trauma I experienced in my life. And like you, I also felt alone and that my family turned their back on me. Part of me wanted help, and that part reached out for it. But the other part of me didn't want to do the work to make it better. It's hard to fight, it's easy to wallow in depression. I didn't move forward until I made the choice to follow the advice that I was given and stop trying to pile up reasons on why I couldn't follow it. Much like you are doing with the talk of money and family and being alone. YOU have to take the steps. YOU have to decide. So you don't have a job, you know what I did? I went to work for McDonald's!! It was humiliating and I hated it, but it put money in my pocket and it gave me a reason to get going every day. You need to take the small steps, even if you don't want to. You are the only person who can make your life right.

All that being said, there is plenty of free support out there, this forum being one of them. I don't think this is all you need though, because you can still run and hide when you don't like what you see. You need to find a WLS support group in your area that can help you face to face. I truly think that you need someone to look you in the eye and tell you to take control of your life.

I hope this helps. I wish you the best of luck.

Phoenixfire · 07-11-2008, 09:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by princesse

Can I come live at your house??

HA!

You'd be better company I'd imagine, you're over 30 right?
But ya might wanna ask that teenager that lives here now who thinks she's "ready to run her own life."
Seems like my motherly wisdom isn't really all that necessary to Ms. I Know Everything And You Can't Tell Me What To Do.

Tough love...it is a bitch.
Eh, I'm ready for her to move on and grow up, and will be glad to see her fly. So check back in 1.4 years!!

As an aside, I don't think Heather

Ann Bird · 07-11-2008, 09:36 AM

Heather - don't stop participating on Thinner Times. Even if what people write is hard to hear - they care about you and are trying to support you. I want you to get stronger and healthier. Take the ideas others have shared and try to do one or two things at first. Sometimes strength builds on just the process of trying. I hope to see you post again...and post your feelings so people can continue to share their ideas to help you. I wish you the best.