Unsupportive wife - Page 3 - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

BobF4 · 06-02-2008, 03:31 PM

I think my wife Michele may be finally seeing things my way. She doesn't seem anywhere near as negative as she had in the past.I think what she was trying to get me to see that I may not be a suitable candidate for WLS. Although, I find that one very humorous indeed. A BMI of 56, weight of 380 (18 pounds less than when I started my 12 week weight/exercise program), diabetes, venous insufficiency in my legs......all co-qualifiers for my insurance, I do believe.

Went for my yearly follow-up with the sleep center, and talked with the doctor for a bit about it, and how WLS will necessitate another sleep study. I kind of expected that. I can't wait until I never need my CPAP machine again.....let alone all the meds I take!

So we shall see what the 11th brings. I am hoping that is the starting point for the road to my new birthday! Hmm.....wonder if, assuming I get all my checklist done, that I could get my surgery on my REAL birthday!

Claire-in-Texas · 06-02-2008, 04:46 PM

Bob, the more Michele understands the process, the better it will be for both of you.

I wish you the best of luck, for sure!! Keep us posted!

BobF4 · 06-02-2008, 05:18 PM

I planned on it, Claire! I also plan on starting a personal journey page when I get home from my seminar.

Grammy O · 06-02-2008, 06:36 PM

So glad to hear that your wife is starting to come around a little more. I think that the more she knows about this the better she will be.

Keep us posted Bob!

bridgetgirl · 06-02-2008, 07:40 PM

That is good news Bob, Im happy for you.

BobF4 · 06-14-2008, 08:11 AM

Well, it was only a matter of time. My wife Michele's negativity is back, with a vengeance.

Things were going so well, and she was beginning to accept that I want the surgery. I went to the seminar, and walked away very impressed with the surgeon's demeanor, and knowledge. I have the ball rolling on the paperwork, too, and even made an appointment to have an abdominal ultrasound (to have my gallbladder checked).

However, last night, a good friend came over to visit, and he got all negative on me when I let him know. He said since I had the post-op diets, I should just forget the surgery, follow the last diet, and the weight will come off. He pointed out that surgery is not natural, and any surgery could bring on dire consequences (which I already knew). My wife is SO excited she has someone else "on her side" now.

What they fail to consider, however, is that I have conditions that could get worse over time. I am diabetic, have sleep apnea, and I have venous insufficiency in my legs. And, of course, my BMI is 56.1. While losing weight will lessen those things, what COULD happen to me while I am losing weight? Neither my friend (who doesn't know my full medical history) nor my wife have taken that into account.

If I do follow the last post-op diet, my wife should realize that will mean changes for HER - changes she does not want to make (for example, she hates 1% or skim milk). Also, if i do the diets without the surgery, it would be bound to fail because (1) would be too easy for me (someone who admittedly has no willpower) to cheat on the diet, and (2) it would simply be a diet, and diets tend to fail the vast majority of the time.

My PCP has reports from my nutritionist, therapist, and exercise program, and I am positive he took all of that into consideration before he suggested WLS to me. So, right now, I feel as if I am being pulled in 2 different directions.

Godsblessedme · 06-14-2008, 08:42 AM

Bob shoot! i'm sorry she's still being a Negative Nelly! But you keep on pursuing the GBS because they have no idea what its like in your shoes my friend. They will eventualy get over it and if they dont so be it. i'm glad you enjoyed the seminar and oh yeah, my sis in law said the same thing "o well i'll just do your diet with you!" i told her point blank you cant do that diet with me it would NOT work

Vikkator · 06-14-2008, 09:30 AM

Bob, I am having my surgery with the same group of docs as you (mine is Thad Boss @ Highland). My seminar was in April and I'm getting close to the end of the hoop jumping. Since you've been through the seminar, you know that spouses/sig others aren't allowed at meetings until you meet with the surgeon.

My husband and one of my sons are frankly frightened for me. My very thin husband, has always been supportive of my wl efforts, but he thinks this is a drastic move. My oldest son thinks I am crazy and I rarely talk with him about it (he's skinny too). He's a worrier and is afraid I'm going to die on the table. I think my hubby is probably thinking some of the same things your wife is: will I leave him? Absolutely not! I want to look and feel good for him as much as I do for myself. He did tell me that he supports my decision, even though he doesn't think I should do it. We have a strong marriage (26 years next month), and that does help.

But that's not what this is about. This is about you (and me) wanting to live a comfortable and healthy life. I want to be around to see my grandchildren. I don't have the co-morbidities you have, but I can no longer carry this extra weight around with me. It is slowly killing me.

I told an overweight friend who I haven't talked to in a while that I'm getting the surgery. She gave me every argument she could think of as to why I shouldn't do it. I gave her my arguments right back. You will have the naysayers. It's unfortunate that your wife isn't supportive. Perhaps you could bring her to one of the support group meetings that they have at Highland (it was in the info packet they gave you at the seminar). They take place the 2nd Tuesday of every month. This could help. There you will find people who have been successful. There was a show on 60 minutes a while back on this. A lot of the info is on this website. The Bypass Effect ...on 60 Minutes; Exclusive Video Only on Yahoo! News Ask her to look at this site and learn about the benefits of this surgery before she condemns it. Education is key here. I hope you can bring her around to understanding the benefits of this surgery. Good luck.

Grammy O · 06-14-2008, 09:34 AM

Oh Bob so sorry your wife is back at it again! Well, you probably know by now that she is not going to change so it's time for you to take the "bull by it's horns" and show them that this is the right thing for YOU whether they like it or not.

Besides, you have us here to support you in any way we can. Keep your head up, and go forward with what you want.

Keep us posted please! We're here for you!

Vikkator · 06-14-2008, 09:36 AM

Also just wanted to add that I'm the only one in my house that drinks skim milk. My hubby is a bit worried about how he's going to eat after the surgery too. He eats like a thin person anyway (that's why he is). He just doesn't want to lose weight. At least I won't have to worry about the goodies. I just don't buy them anymore and if the kids want them, they have to buy them themselves. However, I've found that they actually like fruit and I can't keep it in the house for very long.