Unsupportive wife - Page 13 - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

Delane · 01-17-2009, 08:43 PM

Hello,

I just wanted to say that I know what it is like to have someone not support you, and my advice to you is that you really need to take a good strong look at your relationship, because your relationship is going to affect how you do and how you feel about yourself. Your life and well being is in your hands and only your hands, you have to make sure you do everything you can to assure that you take every step possible to maintain a healty life and if someone or something is holding you back or giving you no suppport then you really need to ask yourself where your priorities are, because you are important and your health has to come first. I don't mean to come across as mean, I just think you really need to put your foot down to your wife and let her know how you feel and that you really are set on doing this and you want her with you not against you. She is either for you or not. If she still isn't there for you then you must move forward anyway, because she then must have an issue all her own. Good Luck and may God be with you.

scoman187 · 01-18-2009, 01:59 AM

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BobF4 · 01-18-2009, 02:56 AM

Scoman,

I can't say that thought hasn't crossed my mind. But, I would leave that decision up to her. I don't think it will head that way, and, I know is she does leave, I will be able to find someone in no time flat.

No one in the world, not Michele, not my best friend and his wife, who also both oppose my surgery), not ANYONE, can swerve me from the path I have chosen. I have to do this for ME, first and foremost. I will admit that I am also doing this for her (in part) too, so that I am around long enough to take care of her well into old age.

scoman187 · 01-18-2009, 04:58 PM

Id never wish divorce on anyone. Im divorced but I know,like you,that nobody was going to stop me from having this operation.
If I had not had this operation because of someone elses objections in my heart I know in due time I would have resented them ruining whatever relationship that existed at that time. If someone truly loves you they want you healthy and happy. Except maybe for a really insecure spouse or significant other. Stand tall and be strong....Its awesome on this side of WLS.

Dawnelle · 01-18-2009, 05:10 PM

Bob, take it from me, please. SHe will eventually come around because she loves you. My husband was very unsupportive would not discuss it and did not want me to have this at all. All the way to surgery. But now that I did it he is supportive a little too much. Because he loves me. If she loves you and wants you healthy and happy she will come around. You are an amazing person who has chosen to take control of his own life. She right now is feeling lonely and scared but also like she is loosing her eating friend. You have to give her time.
Take care and continue to think of htis as you are doing it for you but you are also securing your future with her a gift no the both of you is your gift of life.

Aviator · 01-18-2009, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BobF4

No one in the world, not Michele, not my best friend and his wife, who also both oppose my surgery), not ANYONE, can swerve me from the path I have chosen. I have to do this for ME, first and foremost. I will admit that I am also doing this for her (in part) too, so that I am around long enough to take care of her well into old age.

...you are a good man Bob. "Right" is not always popular. Keep us in the loop, Buddy. We all support you here.

And sco...I just love that Tammy Wynette song, but Bob and Michele are going to be fine. And youre right sco. It feels great over here.

scoman187 · 01-19-2009, 08:45 PM

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Baja Big Dog · 01-20-2009, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dawnelle

Bob, take it from me, please. SHe will eventually come around because she loves you. My husband was very unsupportive would not discuss it and did not want me to have this at all. All the way to surgery. But now that I did it he is supportive a little too much. Because he loves me. If she loves you and wants you healthy and happy she will come around. You are an amazing person who has chosen to take control of his own life. She right now is feeling lonely and scared but also like she is loosing her eating friend. You have to give her time.
Take care and continue to think of htis as you are doing it for you but you are also securing your future with her a gift no the both of you is your gift of life.

Thats a big IF

No rose colored glasses here...my guess is that she wont come around, and I must say it sounds like you are somewhat prepared for the worst, and that is a loss of marriage.

Trust me, you need to do what you need to do for one person only, and thats you!!

And also trust me, life aint that bad when you not overweight!!

Linda in MN · 01-21-2009, 08:14 AM

I'm very sad at how some in this thread seem to be encouraging Bob to get ready for divorce. It breaks my heart. Bob, you are going through a big shift in your life and this is not easy for your wife. Don't even think about the "D" word right now. Go forward with your plans to improve your health but, give you wife all the time she needs to catch up. You aren't processing it at the same rate. Maybe you will need to be the mature one and be patient with her. Offer to sit with her and a counselor to help you both through this big change in your life. I think going into this with the attitude that she better see it your way or you will leave her in the dust is not helpful. I think some are encouraging you to do that. I was at a GB support group meeting last night. One of the husbands shared that he was against the surgery but, he did come around they are doing fine. I also think if both spouses are obese, it can be threatening if only one pursues GB. I don't remember reading if this is the case with Bob's wife. Please, give her patience, love, understanding. She may very well be won over by your loving heart and in the end be your biggest supporter.

BobF4 · 01-24-2009, 03:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linda in MN

. I also think if both spouses are obese, it can be threatening if only one pursues GB. I don't remember reading if this is the case with Bob's wife. Please, give her patience, love, understanding. She may very well be won over by your loving heart and in the end be your biggest supporter.

Linda,

You are so right there! She falls into the "morbidly obese" category herself. She has told me she would NEVER consider WLS for herself, not even if our PCP suggested it.

I must admit, in these days leading up to surgery, I could be doing better, diet-wise, but I am doing wonderfully as far as exercise is concerned.

I go to two support groups a month, for a total of 3 meetings a month. And, I have he support of friends from there, from here, and some of Michele's and my mutual friends, who have even promised me a ride to and from the hospital if Michele refuses to give me one (which she HAS recently threatened).