My confession... - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

splendifor · 05-27-2008, 09:36 PM

I come here several times a day and post a few times.. but haven't been speaking as much as maybe I could.. I don't know why I feel shy talking here because in real life I'm not all that shy.. although I tend to be reclusive. I've been isolating myself a lot lately. It took me awhile to realize that I am over the *high* of having the surgery and started slipping into depression.

I started reading the book When Food Is Love and I realized how true one part was for me - that I use food as a replacement for relationships. Only now I don't have food. I don't know how to be around people (either online or in real life) in a way that feels comfortable..

So yeah I'm kind of depressed. A part of it is because there were two women who my partner and I became friends with as an introduction to the surgery. They had both had the surgery and promised to be there for me and my partner through it.. only 4 days before my surgery their relationship blew up (including one of them blatantly having an affair and trying to get my partner to collude in it). Now neither one of them return our calls - and it's depressing to go through this experience with almost no support except what I get here... I know there are groups I could go to but I just feel so burned out by what happened with those two women I don't want more drama right now :P

I don't really know what I'm saying except that I need community but I'm not very good at knowing how to make that happen without "cycling" through isolating times as well.. I have a lot of half-neglected friendships that feel more like obligations than support.

... I don't know what else to say so I guess I'll just say thanks for reading (haha)

J

Phoenixfire · 05-27-2008, 10:05 PM

Jacki, hey as awful as it sounds, you are in a good place...figuring out what food is and why you have used it (replacement for relationships). You are on your way to doing the brain surgery that we talk about here, the surgery we have to do on ourselves after the doc operates.

My first suggestion is one that others may/may not agree with but I give it because it worked for me. Please consider seeing your GP or surgeon and discuss the option of a short-term anti-depressant. I needed one. Badly. You RECOGNIZE this, so I'm so proud of you girl. Now if you need some short-term help to address the biochemistry of depression AND the situational depression you say you are in, then please go get that help okay?

It doesn't mean you're weak, it doesn't mean anything negative. Some say our society overprescribes drugs. Fine. But I am here to say that if I had not gone on an anti-depressant for the months after surgery then I don't know where I'd be now.

I CERTAINLY don't think I'd be at this weight, maintained for years. Okay?

I feel your pain because I remember it vividly. I never left my couch. I didn't want to talk to anyone (had a hubby and an 11-year-old and it was hard on them). I literally just wanted to sleep so I didn't have to deal with anything INCLUDING FOOD. But my hubby encouraged me to get help, he knew this wasn't me, and thank god he did that.

So I'm going to encourage you to do that. And definitely definitely definitely stay in touch here. Many of us know what the post-WLS depression feels like, and we all know the struggles after the surgery change. So even if it feels like a burden, post here. Even if it's just a quick note, okay?

You'll stay connected to people who UNDERSTAND. This is so important.

And soon you will move past this stage, and you'll be able to work on the stuff you're digging out about what food has been to you.

Bless you sweetie, and one step at a time you will get there

Vim&Vigour · 05-28-2008, 02:30 AM

Hej Jacki!
I feel your pain - and you are definitely in the right place here!
Write out on a large sheet the various areas in your life (home, work, family, friends, hobbies etc) and let it become your map.
In each section you write a list of positives and steps you need to undertake to reach them. This way you can see the map of your present life and easily identify targets and see the link between items.
Having been broke for the better part of 25 years, I have made a game of living as fabulously as possible on as little as possible. Try to join local activities which are as free or inexpensive as possible: library, swimming pool.... Start off by going "unnoticed" to check the lay of the land, lurking so to speak which will arm you with "knowledge" to participate once you have made your nest there.
Phoenixfire is full of genuine, good advice - I second her.
Look in here often - TTF is THE BEST!
Chin up, you'll pull through.
Cheers,
Vim

splendifor · 05-28-2008, 11:09 PM

thanks guys. I did get a prescription for antidepressants.. now just waiting for it to kick in

I appreciate your support.

lealphachienne · 05-29-2008, 08:39 AM

Depending on circumstances, the antidepressants may not work.....it simply gets you by. You will still need to deal with your issues of isolation. To use a medication effectively, it takes counseling and behavior therapy in conjunction.

You will lose friends through this. How YOU relate to to others will shift. Your perceptions will change....you WILL go through ups and downs. You will face the uncertainties in your life.....and it's still there to deal with even though initially.....all your thoughts will be on FOOD, how much, how little, what types, when, hair loss, vomiting, dumping, pain......

When you think you hit a goal...another hydra head sprouts up.

Around, and around you will go.

One of my therapists had said the issues don't change...you will always have them....we just re-visit them on different levels.

I have lost everything after having WLS, marriage, home, friends, jobs, almost my life.....and gained it all back. I have mentioned it before, if it's not worth losing it all for, is it worth having it?

Godsblessedme · 05-29-2008, 09:52 AM

Quote:

I have lost everything after having WLS, marriage, home, friends, jobs, almost my life.....and gained it all back. I have mentioned it before, if it's not worth losing it all for, is it worth having it?

Beautiful Marie! I agree 100%

Jackie, i hope things look brighter for you soon, i know the feeling. Try thinking on the postives in your life right now we love ya

shereeks · 05-29-2008, 11:13 AM

As I read your post a song was playing in the background... It's a new dawn, it's a new day and I'm feelin good...

Can't think what it's called but I was thinking how apt it was.

Your life has begun again and that is going to take some getting used to. It is very hard to adjust to the change in our lifes post surgery and the change in our relationships with others, whether for good or bad.

You are a beautiful person, whether big or small and you have much to give others. Please remember that and embrace new relationships whether in 'cyber space' or in 'real life'.

Claire-in-Texas · 05-29-2008, 12:28 PM

Jacki, what you are going through is very understandable because WLS is more than just wls. It's a process of the mind as well as the body. A lot of it is caused by the fact that fat is melting away and no longer covering you up. It lays you bare, and the skin has to grow back on a healthier you - mind and body.

I have been going through this a lot. Life throws us curves and we are used to dealing with it in the old-time ways. Now, as we change, we find that we don't know how to handle things that we handled before, in ways we were used to.

It's tormenting, I know. But keep in mind that it is a very important part of the process of finding the authentic you. You want to do that. You want to find the authentic you.

Best regards,

bridgetgirl · 05-29-2008, 09:51 PM

Sugar pea,

You are only a month out, this is VERY common in people to fall into a funk because of hormones, estrogen, testosterone going crazy. Keep reading positive material, surround yourself with positive people, for now. The idea of considering antidepressants right now may be a little premature.

Honestly, I think your expectations are too high for the moment. Yor loss is excellent, you still have another 5 months of honeymoo, during this honeymoon you learn life style changes, from meals to people. The enviroment in which you socialize will change, as well as the people. Do what is best for YOU. For now, relax and hold off on drugs for a month.. unless you really feel like you are a danger to yourself. definitely see a therapist, someone you can vent to, and dont forget yo always have us.

There is a book I highly recommend, Bad Childhood, Good Life By Dr Laura. Its an easy read, and gives great advice on all kinds/types of relationships and emotionally dealing with people in your life. Two thumbs way up from me! I love the book, and re read it when Im feeling blue or need empowerment.

Best wishes, breathe, relax and pamper YOU!

Godsblessedme · 05-29-2008, 10:16 PM

Quote:

5 months of honeymoo

please dont depress me i thought the honeymoon was like 12-18 months!