Change is in the wind... I missed you guys - ThinnerTimes

LisaM · 05-16-2008, 06:31 AM

I've been absent from the forum for four months, and ticked a few people off before I left. I said things I needed to say in this safest of places, and it was the beginning of saying a LOT of things I needed to say in other places in my life. As I dealt with all the things that so many of you deal with, depression, changes, growth, I started becoming more and more honest with myself and with others. It has its hazards.

I also came to care about myself as much as I should have all along. I've always put myself last in my life... and I finally stopped doing that. In so doing, I realized I am worth loving, and deserve to be around someone who is passionate about me.

Unfortunately, that man is not my husband. I'm not sure that man exists, if you want to know the truth. However, I have decided I would rather be alone than continue to sleep beside someone who isn't interested in me. I've been married 27 years, and I'm leaving because being safe and secure no longer outweighs everything else. I struggled with all this ever since the weight came off... some of you may remember my journey last summer. Well, I gave him a year to change, and nothing has changed.

My husband loves me, but he does not want me. He has never wanted me, and I simply accepted that as my fate, if you will. It's part of the reason I put on the weight (among many others). That way, I could at least tell myself he didn't want me because I was fat. What finally changed, after all was said and done, was that I no longer want him either. You can make a marriage work if at least one person wants the other one, but when neither one cares enough to reach out with passion, then it's time to write the epitaph.

Leaving is hard... and when we finally talked it out, I said, "If you would have fought to keep me here, maybe...just maybe..." and his answer was, "If I thought it would have done any good, I would have." It's over.

I leave Sunday for Texas, for home. It's like scattered rainshowers. First I cry, then I'm happy, then I cry some more. Thanks for listening. I missed you guys.

waterbottle · 05-16-2008, 06:44 AM

Hello

I read your post and thought I would welcome you back and hope that things sort themsleves out soon so you have peace of mind.

take care Dianne

Toony · 05-16-2008, 06:46 AM

First of all Lisa - WELCOME BACK! You have been greatly missed around here.

Next - So sorry about your marriage. I know you've struggled hard to keep it all together - so as it comes to an end, feel confident that you did everything you could to make it work...

This is a horrible time for you emotionally - keep posting and we'll all do what we can to help you through it. A new beginning for you and so many others here on TT... (thinking of Whitney, aka Coptergirl)... GIANT HUGS hon!

--- and still hoping you'll pass through Madison soon!!!

Love you!

katie

lward76 · 05-16-2008, 07:06 AM

HI, yes its been awhile and sounds like you needed it. Glad to hear you come first, really props for you. And Im sorry things just didnt work out for you and your husband. But, Lisa the truth is as long as I have been here you have been a very strong person, and I think your even stronger now. Welcome back Lisa!!

Andie · 05-16-2008, 08:20 AM

What strength you have!! I'm sorry things did not work out for you and your spouse. What part of TX? I'm in San Antonio and welcome you back to the Lone Star State!

Godsblessedme · 05-16-2008, 08:57 AM

Quote:

You can make a marriage work if at least one person wants the other one, but when neither one cares enough to reach out with passion, then it's time to write the epitaph.

i can totally relate. I'm sorry after 27 years it didnt work. I'm sure you will enjoy your new journey in life in TX God bless stay strong

OsoDelDesierto · 05-16-2008, 08:58 AM

Lisa, welcome back! I'm sorry about the end of your marriage, especially after all your work in the last year, but I'm glad you're moving into a new and more fulfilling stage of your journey. I hope you find what (and who) suits you best in life. You deserve wonderful things!

You've always been such a strong voice of wisdom, experience, and useful information - we definitely benefit from your return to Thinner Times. Thank you for letting us know what's going on.

porshh951 · 05-16-2008, 09:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OsoDelDesierto

Lisa, welcome back! I'm sorry about the end of your marriage, especially after all your work in the last year, but I'm glad you're moving into a new and more fulfilling stage of your journey. I hope you find what (and who) suits you best in life. You deserve wonderful things!

You've always been such a strong voice of wisdom, experience, and useful information - we definitely benefit from your return to Thinner Times. Thank you for letting us know what's going on.

Welcome back. You were truly one of my absolute favorite people on this board.

We love you and I completely understand where you are coming from. Your post was very honest and very moving.

You have my respect

Jeanie · 05-16-2008, 10:54 AM

Welcome back!

I hope that the move is what you need to make yourself happy. How's the job going?

fisher1000 · 05-16-2008, 11:14 AM

Is it appropriate to scream and run around the room with excitement that you're back?

Lisa I MISSED you terribly! I'm so glad to see you posting again.

I'm so sorry to hear about your marriage--please know that you'll be in my thoughts and prayers, honey.

I sure hope that we're able to get together the next time you're through this area--barring no snow, of course!

Now snuggle in, our arms are open wide to hold you!

-Mike