Oh, Pat,
Your line about Nisa's pain being your pain touched me deeply. Not many men will admit to such a level of identification, your dear wife has an absolute gem of a husband. That being said....
....get as much sleep as you possibly can before she comes home. Even if you have to hire someone, make sure the house is totally clean when she walks in the door so she can feel like all she has to do is get to her bed. Have some fun things ready for her to do when she is awake--things that will keep her from thinking of this scary-ass time of your lives together. (Maybe time to get some crayons and coloring books out?) Volunteer to rub her feet, legs, back, whatever could use some soothing cream gently massaged into it. Do you have flowers growing in your yard? Pick some for the room she is most often in--I know money is a big issue right now, and picking flowers from your yard (or your neighbor's!
) will cheer her, especially if they are fragrant.
I'm sure you know without me saying that she will be very emotional right now, and anything said in a loving and caring way will probably be the light she carries with her either that day or in the long days to come when she will feel like a burden and an emotional sponge, soaking up all the love and caring you have laid before her. Her disease has not only given her pain and disfigurement, it has (according to most women post surgically) taken her femininity, her beauty, as well as her 'ability' to attract other men. This part is bogus, I know, but remember she is operating on old tapes right now, and this is your opportunity to show her just how very much you love her and need her--and not for anything physical, just for her to be the woman you love and cherish (this would be the "in sickness and in health" portion of the program!) But I know you already know all of this!
If she is a small breasted woman and has at least a bit of a tummy, there is a procedure called a 'tram-flap' that will use the tissue from her tummy and give her back new breasts that are actual flesh (but not breast tissue) without having silicone breast implants. Before my surgery I used to say that I had a tram-flap farm going, just in case I ever needed them. Google "tram-flap" and read more about it--I am not a fan of silicone, as I had a good friend who had silicone implants that had ruptured and now has to deal with silicone migrating all over her body into joints not interested in receiving silicone. It was a painful ordeal for her, not one I cared to share in.
Best wishes to the two of you, and keep coming here for support--I'm certain that anyone on this forum will be happy to embrace you and hold you up, Pat. That's what families do, after all.
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