Please help me understand? - ThinnerTimes

waterbottle · 05-04-2008, 03:28 PM

I want to ask you all to offer me some support and advice on what has happend to me in the last week please?

first I will tell you that I met this lady 2 years ago and thought we were friends? we took the dogs out and shared shopping times and we both have 2 yorkies so we had things in common.

Last week I recieved an email from her out of the blue stating these things about me>>>>>> the email started with dianne I feel it time to tell you what I see and you wont like it????? she then went on to tell me I am self centred, conceited, self asborbed, thoughtless and think of nothing but my weight and what i look like. the email went on to tell me the most awful things about how I must look with no clothes on and any amount of weight I loose will not make me a good person or likeable in any way....

This isjust a few of the nasty things that were said I have been devastated ever since hence why I have not been online to reply to many posts asI have felt so worthless. I have no idea what I have said or done to this lady I thought we were friends.

Ian has told me to put it behind me, but for me I have found it hurtful and I havent been able to sleep or put it out of my mind... I keep telling myself I am an adult and this person is not worth me upsetting myself. But the truth is I am very upset and cant get my head around why someone I thought was my friend has turned on me.

Can anyone please tell me what makes a person you thought liked you make you feel so worthless about yourself.

many thanks for reading this I hope you can help me live with some advice

take care Dianne

veroniquetalk · 05-04-2008, 03:52 PM

I am so sorry someone you trusted hurt you this way. What I always think when I hear or read of someone who is hurtful is that the person who does the attacking has some empty spot in them that they can't fill and instead of seeing it in themselves they often project it onto others. I feel pity for them - going through life being mean must suck.

mistymee · 05-04-2008, 03:54 PM

Dianne,
I can't say with any certainty of course, but this sounds like she is having feelings of jealousy and that her way of making herself feel better is to tear you down in some fashion. It is classic bully tactics that she pulled on you so please don't fall for it!

All her note served to prove is that she is not a nice person and she is not worth your time or energy at all.

NO ONE deserves to be treated as she has treated you with that note... I know it's easy for me to say but IGNORE her and her nasty comments. She isn't worth your getting upset over, as she's proven she is not worthy of you at all as a friend.

{hugs}

waterbottle · 05-04-2008, 04:00 PM

How kind of you both to reply so soon to my thead.

I feel stupid making such a fuss about it, I guess as I was expecting it I was shocked and taken my suprise.

I will try to take on board what you have said.

I hope you have a good weekend

Janelle · 05-04-2008, 04:45 PM

My first thought was jealousy, too. Her personal attacks just seem born out of jealousy.

And let's face it, you have undergone a major change, both physically and emotionally. Some people aren't capable of changing with you.

I'm sorry she has hurt you so deeply. I know I've read other posts where people lost friends post-gbs. It is just sad.

Janelle

Cinerbelle · 05-04-2008, 05:00 PM

Why? Why you ask... because she is a jealous b-hole. Good riddance to bad rubbish!

shereeks · 05-04-2008, 05:30 PM

Wow - what a bizarre turn of events. Noone deserves to be treated like this. I know it's easy for me to say but you're better off without her and don't waste your energy even thinking about it. If you were such an awful person you wouldn't have such a wonderful man wanting to marry you!

BabyNicole · 05-04-2008, 07:33 PM

I'm so sorry that she said those things to you.

May I ask...is she overweight? If so, maybe she is jealous of all your hard work?

fisher1000 · 05-04-2008, 08:02 PM

I'm with everyone else...sounds like jealousy to me!

What does she expect? For you to be something other than what you are? The change she senses is most likely in her--she's seen your success and wishes it were her--in whatever aspect of her life that she'd like to improve. (Whether it's weight or anything else.)

Tell her to stick her Yorkie up her dumb arse and be done with her. Think of her as more weight you needed to lose, and now you've lost it. Good riddance!

I wrote this in another thread but it applies here too:

Those that mind don't matter,
and those that matter don't mind.

You need people around you that are celebrating life, not deciding how you should spend yours! You've worked to get where you are, and deserve only the best: the best life you can have, the best food, the best friends, and of course, the best IAN! You are in control of your destiny--you have all the power! If your ex-friend can't celebrate life with you, then let her choke in your dust. Move on and don't look back. Better things, MUCH better things, are in store for you!

-Mike

splendifor · 05-04-2008, 08:17 PM

I agree with what the others have said.. a particular red flag for me in these kinds of situations is how she went from zero to 1000000 without any warning... it certainly sounds like you had no idea she was feeling this way and all of a sudden she blindsides you with all this verbal.. vomit (for lack of a better word)

things I've heard and agree with from other situations like this...

we're naturally going to become more Self-centered (centered in our true Selves) because we are taking better care of ourselves than we ever have before in our lives.. I don't know your particulars but I know that I abused food as a way to keep neglecting myself for the "sake" of others.. and when that shifts.. people get pissy

and omg of course we're going to get focused on our appearance and such.. this is a HUGE shift in our whole lives that affects us on every level - mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, and relationally... and some people are just so rigid (pointing to your friend) that they can't adjust and be flexible and find ways to relate with the "new" person.. so she takes it out on you so that YOU are to blame for the break in the friendship rather than her...

I'm thinking about you and hope you're finding the companionship and support you need to help you through this difficult time (((hugs)))