A little bit of drama - ThinnerTimes

sissi · 04-25-2008, 03:31 AM

Well, I guess this is the only place where I can write this...

Lately I've been feeling more fat than I used to feel when I was at 209lbs. I don't understand it, I guess my mind just needs more time to catch up with my body or something. The feeling is really bad though. I was trying on some swimming costumes a few days ago and when I looked at my gellyfish-like thighs and all those reddish stretch marks on them, it hit me - all my life, especially when I was a teenager weighing around 140lbs I was beating myself up and thinking of myself as fat and unworthy.

I've found some pictures from my prom (and I don't have many pics of myself since I don't like it) and I was like: "What the hell was I doing to myself?!" My first thought was "Wow, look how slim I was..." And still back then I tought of myself as fat... I've been doing this to myself my whole life - being overly critical to myself, dieting since I can remeber. And look where it brought me. It's low self-esteem thing - I know that. And the funny part is that my colleagues at work look at me and see a person with high self-esteem, confident and often a bit loud and always smiling, cracking jokes and generally likeable. They don't have a clue what's actually beneath the surface. It makes me so sad. Tears are running up to my eyes when I'm writing those words. I don't know how to deal with all that.

coptergirl · 04-25-2008, 05:47 AM

(((Hugs))) Sissi. Guess what? You are not alone, hon. I have felt, and sometime still do feel the exact way you described...

I_love_Hello Kitty · 04-25-2008, 09:24 AM

Sisi,

Truth is...most of have felt this way. I have lost around 90lbs...some days I feel good about it...and then other days I look in the mirror and I think "How could I STILL be FAT!!!!!". Its just dumb!

Then I remember something someone once told me to do and it makes me feel better...I try to picture myself as a child...and I talk to myself....what would I tell the "young" me...would I call her fat?? NO way would I say that to a little girl...a sweet innocent child...then why do I say it to myself??...and why do I feel I deserve such harsh and unnecessary criticism??? I would I tell this little girl how beautiful she is and how deserving she is of everything good in the world...and that is what you need to tell yourself...because no one will do it for you....you need to be there for yourself...if you can't depend on yourself then who can you depend on?

izanmanyzanz · 04-25-2008, 09:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by I_love_Hello Kitty

Sisi,

Truth is...most of have felt this way. I have lost around 90lbs...some days I feel good about it...and then other days I look in the mirror and I think "How could I STILL be FAT!!!!!". Its just dumb!

Then I remember something someone once told me to do and it makes me feel better...I try to picture myself as a child...and I talk to myself....what would I tell the "young" me...would I call her fat?? NO way would I say that to a little girl...a sweet innocent child...then why do I say it to myself??...and why do I feel I deserve such harsh and unnecessary criticism??? I would I tell this little girl how beautiful she is and how deserving she is of everything good in the world...and that is what you need to tell yourself...because no one will do it for you....you need to be there for yourself...if you can't depend on yourself then who can you depend on?

Wow Simone, Thank you!!!!!!! I needed that. I so do this to myself, I am at 77lbs lost and feel like I haven't lost an ounce sometimes. I keep saying bad things to myself and I do need to stop it at once. Thank you. I never do this to my kids, why do I think I deserve it.

Kimberly76 · 04-25-2008, 09:32 AM

Sissi,

I'm a very new member on this forum and preop, but with that said, I can relate to you on so many levels. In fact I just had my first therapy session to deal with some of those issues in my head. (hugs) you aren't alone sister-friend.

*sending good vibrations your way*

Kimberly~

Godsblessedme · 04-25-2008, 05:47 PM

bless your heart! you are so not alone.