CiCi wants to know! - ThinnerTimes

CiCi · 04-10-2008, 06:59 AM

How do you handle unwanted attention from people who knew you pre-op, and suddenly, they are standing closer... talking to you more... maybe even touching you more... and flirting!

They are having a "normal" conversation with you... chit-chatting, being nice... but they didn't before. How do you deal with the fact that you are no longer invisible to these people? You are suddenly THERE and they are interacting with you?

Do you love every minute of it? Revel in it?
Resent it at all?
Depends on the situation (if so, what does it depend on)?
Take it in stride and not think too much about it?

This question is for both the men & women! Tell me what you think, people. Bring it on!

1fatmama · 04-10-2008, 07:06 AM

Depends on how aggresive they are.. If they are super all over me, it pisses me off and
I do not hesitate to let them know they need to back off. Especially if it is someone who previously did not know that I exsisted. Now, if it is a casual flirtation with someone that had acknowledged me at my heaviest. I will bask in it and have some harmless fun. But, I really hate to be touched by strangers so, depending on my hormonal state.. some may get a worse wrath that others.

paige52 · 04-10-2008, 09:05 AM

For me it definately feeds the ego... and yet at some level I resent it because I am the same person inside.... the packaging has changed but that's all.

Robin W · 04-10-2008, 09:26 AM

I'd have to say that I am the one that is more open to the attention now and probably would tend to look for it where as BEFORE I had walls up all around me that may have prevented getting any attention. I can't say that I've experienced what you're referring to as I feel that the people I am with on a day to day basis have always been very nice to me, regardless of my size. I only know that "I" am more open to the physical/emotional closeness to all around me.

soon2bthin · 04-10-2008, 09:44 AM

I am not a huge fan of anyone getting all up in my space. No matter who they are. I try to politely step back if at all possible, but have been known to let them know they are too close. I do like to hear how people are noticing my weightloss though. Makes me feel good, walk a little taller and stand a little straighter. Nice to be noticed.

Cassie

Gina in NY · 04-10-2008, 03:43 PM

If he's driving a Lexus, I will smile. A Ford focus - I might not even notice he's talking to me. If he is wearing one of those id's that says hes a cardiologist, I will look him straight in the eye. But if... You get the picture - and although I'm being funny - well, mostly - one just reacts differently to every person.

Some, not worth my time. (Like the clique of "beautiful" teachers who SUDDENLY want to talk to me all the time - I smile vaguely and look like I'm in a hurry)

Some, cute, but annoying - like the business teacher who now drops things whenever I walk by. Poor thing. I don't stop what I'm doing, but I do say hi to him.

Some are good people, who truly are impressed and wish you the best - have actual, legitimate questions and are respectful. These people are almost like friends. I let them get closer. I let them flirt when I was unattached and enjoyed all sorts of attention, questions etc. No harm, nothing too deep. Just depends.

And of course there are people who love you, truly but that is easy to figure out.

The fact is, I don't mind that people now see me as attractive when before they didn't. I wasn't physically attractive before. I word damn hard to be so now. I personally like attractive men, and it would be quite hypocritical to turn around and resent that they are talking to me now that I'm thin, dress differently etc. whereas before, I didn't get their attention. Doesn't make them bad people - just part of the human condition.

CiCi · 04-11-2008, 08:52 AM

I'm getting it... slowly, but I am getting it. I should just relax, enjoy and stop second guessing it.

I don't care how much I try to change, I still think like a heavy person. I still find a lot of things "unjust" but I need to learn to go with the flow.

Thanks everyone!

Debz · 04-11-2008, 12:20 PM

I feel like I'm coming to the party late, but here it goes. This is such a loaded issue for me. What Gina said is true; I wasn't very nice to look at when I was heavier. I can't blame poeple for noticing that...but somehow it sticks in my craw that suddenly I now am seen as somehow more valuable because I look good.

But the truth of the matter is, even I feel more valuable looking like this than I did when I looked like that. Can I fault the rest of the world for human nature? We all tend to gravitate to people that are attractive.

I guess it all just comes back to my own thinking. It's really all more about how I feel about myself than it is about what someone else does. So, my rule abot this is...if you were rude to me when I was fat, I don't notice you now. If you didn't "see" me when I fat, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt until you prove me otherwise.

Yeah, the compliments are heady stuff...but it's hard to reconcile the two me's sometime.

CiCi · 04-11-2008, 12:33 PM

I do have to say, I don't think "human nature" or the "human condition" are good excuses for ignoring people. Don't get me wrong, I understand what's being said here, but no matter what someone's size is, they deserve fair and proper treatment. It's not right to be rude to someone. Being "attractive" or "unattractive" should not matter when it comes to having a conversation with someone. (Keep in mind, I'm not talking about picking someone up at a bar or anything like that... these are conversations happening at work. At a place when sexuality should not come into play.)

Just had to say it. I still need to relax about the whole thing, I know, but I cannot just chalk it up to human nature, especially considering humans act sucky a lot of the time.