When people make you mad, what to say - ThinnerTimes

bridgetgirl · 04-04-2008, 08:03 AM

Ever walk away from a conversation that made you really mad? And, worse, you thought of just the right things to say two hours later?

In the course of daily life, people make comments, offer suggestions, or are just downright rude when it comes to issues of food, body size and appearance. And, those commenting always have “your best interests at heart.” You know when a zinger is coming. It usually begins with “Now, I’m only thinking about you….but don’t you think…..?” Or, “I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but……,” or even worse, “I’m just telling you this for your own good…..” Ah, don’t you wish you could eliminate those hurtful remarks that are “for your own good?” You probably can’t stop them, but you can protect yourself.

Make a list of the kinds of things people say to you that really set you off. Then, come up with a set of your answers to the most frequently asked, annoying questions (FAAQS). You can use humor. You can be sarcastic. Or, as you’ll see below, you can simply ask the person why they’re asking. Be prepared. Rehearse your answers. In other words, stop being a target for everyone who wants to tell you how to live your life.

Here are some suggestions:

“How much weight have you lost?”
Possible replies:
“Why do you ask?”
“That’s between me and my doctor.”
“I’m not focusing on that and would hate to see you worry about it.”

“Isn’t having WLS taking the “easy way out?” <---- all over this one
Possible replies:
“Why do you ask?”
“What is the value of doing something the ‘hard way’?”
“Yeah, major surgery is always the easy way.”

“Should you be eating that?”
Possible replies:
“Why do you ask?”
“I am allowed to eat anything I choose.”
“Eating what?”

“Are you going to gain all your weight back?”
Possible reply:
“Why do you ask?”
“Probably. Want to go to the all-you-can-eat-buffet with me tonight?”

bezobraz · 04-04-2008, 12:29 PM

I hear you

Some time I feel that people who ask such questions want to really punish us - THE FAT people. Since it is our "fault", why should we have a benefit of the surgery? We just should starve ourselves and exercise like Rocky 4 - remember? Running around in the snow deep in Siberia tundra.

I have a friend who gives it well to people that aks mindless hurtful question. She did not have WLS, she lost a baby a couple weeks before due date. You won’t believe how unbelievable cruel people can be, how many times she’s been told that since baby was never born it is not that bad or does not count. I am not counting on people to be understanding or companionate. I usually tell people come back and talk to me after they gain 100 more pounds.

Since I decided to have my surgery I’ve heard few interesting questions:

1.How can you put your life in danger like that? You have children!

2.I guaranty you that you will gain all your weight back in a year. You are bad candidate for the surgery.

3.If you go on liquid diet for 2 month, you’ll weight without surgery. (

that is my favorite)

I told one 21 year old girl that I looked exactly like her before I was 25, even had same body type. Then I gained 100 lb in a 18 months. I suggested she should take her nude or bikini picture now, in a few years it might be too late. Freaked her out

for real … Am I evil, or what

CiCi · 04-04-2008, 12:52 PM

i love this, B!! one of my biggest issues is being ready for those times when people throw out ziggers. i was raised to be kind and considerate to everyone and for some reason, even when people are mean and inconsiderate to me, i find it hard to throw it back. but, i need to be better prepared and this advice really helps!

i am so sick of the "you are so skinny!!" comments... along with the GROSS face that come along with it. my friend likes to respond to it with "don't be a hater!"

i love that!

Claire-in-Texas · 04-06-2008, 10:18 AM

Here is my response to all "zingers."

I smile pleasantly and change the subject.

I NEVER just walk away. NEVER. Changing the subject says it all!!!

SueRN · 04-07-2008, 05:06 AM

I was never blessed with a great metabolism and was always fat. I was however blessed with a great and quick wit with a sacastic comebacks that seem to come from now where. Thank God there have been only a few times that I was actually stunned to the point of not being able to say anything from a stupid, ignorant, or nasty comment. Rolling eyes and dumbs looks we still able to be used. I think for those that do have trouble, it is an awesome idea to write down the comments that annoy you the most and work on a response or how to handle it. Believe me, with the idiots out there, you will always be shocked with one that you haven't heard yet. Giving people suggestions on where to go and what to do with themselves usually and effectively shuts them up however may not always be appropriate. My favorite it to tell people to kiss what's left of my ass. If you are pre-op, things I did then where to look behind them like I was obviously looking for something and when they would ask what I was looking for, I'd say, "I'm looking for your medical degree since you seem to be such an expert on the subject of my health." The old stand by, "Why? Are you writing a book?" "YOu must be really proud of your ignorance because you show it off so well." Lucky for me, most of my friends/family/co-workers were supportive of me. Plus, they knew their comments wouldn't get to me and they would get a smart ass remark back. It never ceases to amaze me the intrusive comments from people that don't or barely know you. Those are the ones who really get the good sarcastic comebacks. That's why some people don't even want to tell anybody about it. Look at Star Jones. People crucified her because she wouldn't talk about it. Bottom line, it's no one's business but your own. Sue

coptergirl · 04-07-2008, 05:23 AM

I always think of come backs hours or days later after I have already stewed over the situation. It only hurts me because I stress over it, and the other person doesn't have a clue. I once, however, had a comment made at the gym that I took the easy way out. I looked her fat ass up and down real slow. Then I lifted up my shirt, pointed to my scar, and asked her if she though that was the easy way out. She paled and turned away.

SueRN · 04-07-2008, 07:21 AM

Go Whitney!!!! I really believe that people think that have your insides re-routed really and truly makes it magical and that it does all the work by itself to cause weight loss. They don't get that it HELPS if you do what you are supposed to. I did however believe that if you had liposuction and a tummy tuck to take off the fat without really doing anything about it was the easy way out. But after having a TT and thigh lift, even though I did lose 150 lbs, wasn't too frickin easy either! I had taken a nutrition class the summer after my WLS. Of course, when we taked about diets, fad diets, eating disorders and WLS, I spoke up and talked about my experience. I got all kinds of questions as I expected because I did put it out there for discussion. The most popular is, why didn't you just lose the weight my diet and exercise? I would answer if it was possible to do that, I'd be a friggin' size 2 by now. Some pushed the issue, and I would just tell them if they felt that strongly about it, then I suggest you don't have the surgery. You do what you feel is best for you and I did what I felt was best for me. People just never cease to amaze me. I guess that's what keeps life interesting. Sue

pebitpeb · 04-07-2008, 09:24 AM

I have to post, that I am grateful that I have encountered anyone making statements about the Gastric Bypass to date. At least not that I am aware of, living here in Italy where I understand about 50% of what people say to me, I may have missed something, but no matter.
I love what Claire and Whitney both had to say about this.
I work on trying to stay positive and neutral in confrontational situations, having changed countries two years ago I am stretched to learning new patience however with the new "old world" thinking and culture that I live in here. People are so unaware of others here due to being so laid back that it becomes rude at times, for example in the supermarket using two crutches and people push their carts right into me. I really have to bite my tongue. But these are actions and not words so??
pebitpeb
Paul

SueRN · 04-07-2008, 10:31 AM

Paul, that is an awesome way to look at things. As for me, I guess you can take the girl outta Jersey but can't take the Jersey outta the girl!. I used to be nice and have the patience of a saint. Working EMS and in the ER for all those years really took a toll and burned me out. I was never this cynical before then. I'm working on it and your words were inspiring. Glad to hear you're getting around better. I guess we really just have to remember that it's their issue and not ours. Sue
PS but sometimes nothing is more satisfying than a good ol' smart ass sarcastic comment every now and then!

Debz · 04-07-2008, 03:07 PM

The idea f thinking up a smart ass thing to say before I'm pissed is one I've subscribed to for years. I mean, I am pretty good at the quick snappy comeback, but I've come up with some real doozies with a few moments of preparation.

Today, at the gym this heavy woman came up to me and said, " I heard you had a bypass. Isn't that the easy way? Why would you do that?" My reply...."Why wouldn't you?" I think she thinks I'm a bitch now...go figure. Nothing annoys me more than someone trying to be snotty and then deciding that I'm a bitch because I didn't just roll over.