Touchy subject...please be careful - Page 4 - ThinnerTimes

Vim&Vigour · 05-23-2008, 04:13 PM

Jen,
You describe so well your "story". I believe it to be the voice of most women who are prepared to acknowledge pain and grief.
To you all above, I am in the same boat - as evidenced in my various threads elsewhere.
I lost my mother a year ago. I am a "grown" woman of 50 and she was 89. However, the emotions (good and bad) of loss need to be processed and unless you can sort them, it will be difficult to go forward in life. The bottle neck causes a traffic jam.
Go and buy some really attractive underwear to reflect your femininity - not something to be sexy for someone else. GROOM. Respect your appearance, dress for yourself. Jen, your darling mother would probably be upset that her precious daughter was/is being dragged down a slippery slope. Spend the next 3 months "doing it for her sake" whatever it is: eating well, clearing our your cupboards, dressing smartly, going to night school. Something that you would inevitably enjoy for yourself but which secretly you are "paying back" to redress your lapse. You'll probably soon see/feel how much nicer it is and would wish to apply it for your own pleasure, rather than for someone else, deceased at that.
I have always dressd for my own satisfaction, pleasure, sensation and if it appeals to others, so very much the better. As a family of 5, we all do what we really wish to do for ourselves in the first instance with a strong emphasis of adapting "it" to fit in with the rest of us.
Best foot forward!
Cheers,
Viim

Vim&Vigour · 05-23-2008, 04:46 PM

I have created a group called "Survivors"

"When our fat melts, our hurts show up even more in the thaw.
This group is for survivors of abuse: sexual/rape, alcohol/substance, emotional/physical. Often this trauma will have led us to develop a thick layer of "protective", yet destructive fat. Here we can unzip the fat suit and pour our hearts out..."

I hope you will feel comfortable there.
Warmest wishes,
Vim

MichelleND · 05-23-2008, 07:15 PM

Thanks for making the new group Vim. I think that it is going to be a huge aid in our sucess.

snick1899 · 05-23-2008, 08:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MichelleND

Thanks for making the new group Vim. I think that it is going to be a huge aid in our sucess.

I agree! I went and joined as soon as I read the post! :-)

momronda2k · 05-23-2008, 11:55 PM

So many great responses have been posted. I too am a victim of abuse by both my father and brother from age 11-14. During that time of abuse is when my weight gain started. Before that I was a gymnast, very athletic, straight A student, but once something like that starts happening to you, you just spiral down. When I was 14, and finally told my best friend what was happening, with her promising me she would never tell, but as soon as she got home she told her parents, and that is when my abuse stopped I weighed 180 lbs. My mother left my father and brother in Washington, and we came to San Diego where she had family. During the past 20 years I have gone through so many different levels of emotion and abusing myself from men, drugs, lying, stealing, you name it. Something changed in me about 10 years ago. I have no idea what happened to me, but I changed my life. I cold turkey completely stopped the drug and alcohol abuse, have been faithful to the man in my life, have an amazing job and overall just emotionally in a better place. In my experience I can say that I still live with the "abuse" emotions of fear, anger, anxiety, what ifs?, whys?, and I honestly don't think they will ever go away. BUT I can also say that those feeling no longer control me and make me the person I am today. If that makes any sense? I know now that I was obese because I didn't want men to look at me. I totally freaked out especially if an older man looked at me. I felt weak, worth nothing, etc. Now I have so much confidence. My entire life focus has nothing to do with my past. It is entirely about my future. My life is about health, family, wealth, shopping

That is so awesome. You have no idea how great that feels. Well that's my story. I hope that anyone who has suffered abuse, whether physical, sexual, mental, emotional, etc., can find a way to change the focus off the past and focus on the future. We cannot change the past but anyone can make their future. With good therapy and great family and friends and the desire to move forward it can be done.

Vim&Vigour · 05-24-2008, 02:28 AM

Debz,
I am VERY grateful to you for your thread. You seem to have called the voices of each of us, which are starting to form a "TTF Choir of Survival".

I am fascinated about the ways in which we, whilst being abused, were not able/willing/too frightened to say NO and STOP at the time. There are a million of valid reasons why we did not/could not. My examination focuses on what prompted us to deal with the situation now, a sort of "once and for all". What brought us to the edge of the precipice, propelled us into full flight with no return, forcing us to now deal with itour trauma?

Are we fuelled by anger (at what happened to us)? Or injustice (of being a victim)? Or fear (of dying from being overly fat)? Something prompted us to respond. What? Why? When did the response process (our seeking wls help) start? Even therapy received years ago, whilst no doubt extremely helpful at the time, appears to be have only been a seed sown, ready only now for us to reap, when we are ready to understand.

Everything in Life requires an opposite: Plus & Minus on a battery, Life & Death, Male & Female, Love & Hate and the list goes on. Same goes for our different equation: Abuse & Survival.

At 50, I have spent up to 45 years dealing with my dark cupboard and have now managed to take the bull by the horns, emptied the cupboard, repaired the hinges, found a key that fits the lock, repaired the shelves, primed, undercoated, painted, decorated and varnished my horror into something I am proud of: MY LIFE! Like finding a cupboard in a junk yard, dusty, dirty, way in the back room, knowing it had potential for beauty through the hard toil of elbow grease, time and patience to bring back the essentially good material back to a good life.

My cupboard is in the early stages of decoration. My pattern is laid out, my paints are there, waiting for me. Something could go wrong, I might spill along the way, on the other hand, having reached this far in the restoration of my soul I know better how to remedy a blob, have a different patience to clean up a small mess. A stitch in time saves nine...

My warmest wishes to each and every one of you. United we stand, each lone voice together becomes one. Survival of the fittest: that's US!

Vim

Vim&Vigour · 05-24-2008, 02:41 AM

So, here is the link so as not to hijack Debs thread!
"TTF Choir of Survivors"

The reassurance of not feeling alone in any of our predicaments is invaluable! Many, many, heartfelt thanks!
Vim