My first friend that has decided to hate me... - Page 2 - ThinnerTimes

Squishy · 02-11-2008, 06:31 AM

Yikes... Sounds like she had a melt-down. Kind of sad, really. Some people don't know how to handle their feelings about themselves, so they lash out at others. Maybe a (really inappropriate) cry for help.

How good of a friend has she been? If this really has been a good friend, I think I would reach out to her. We all make mistakes. Sometimes big ones. I wouldn't blame you if you decided not to make the first move, but if she is feeling that badly about herself, she may not have the strength to do so.

Whatever you decide, I wish you only the best. You are a great person and you are doing a great job of taking control of your life.

-Mike-

SeptemberDay · 02-11-2008, 06:37 AM

well, I kinda was that friend. I'm the last in my close group to start losing weight. There are about 9 of us and just one by one everyone started to get in shape. As long as there were a couple about my size, it didn't bother me. But then suddenly, I was all alone. Always finishing last, always the fattest one. Of course friends should support you, ut dont forget how hard it might be on them, too. My friends started offering to help me lose weight and that helped a lot. But what they were able to do with South Beach and the YMCA, I am having to do with WLS. In the end though, I hope we are all slim and healthy

maybe you could ask her if she'd like a walking buddy and try to re-open the lines of communication

Zenomia · 02-11-2008, 07:34 AM

Anyone who says your NO longer their friend because your losing weight, was NEVER your friend in the first place!! Friends are there through thick and thin, fat or skinny....they don't go tucking their tails and split when things move in different directions. Your "friend" sounds like someone who has issues with change and adaptation. I'm sorry you have to go through that, but it does happen. My SIL and MIL are both very bitter toward me because of the weight loss and subsequent plastics. Granted, they were bitter and dead set against all this to begin with, so their venom is not unexpected....but the mindset, it's the same. These type of people can't handle change and they certainly can't handle it when they THINK they are moving to a lower position on their mental hierarchy. It's all about where they think they belong, and when you change so much...your position....in their minds...moves on in leaps and bounds while they are stuck right where they are. Instead of growing and adjusting to the changes around them, they become bitter and start lashing out at those who are making the adjustments in an attempt to hold them back or keep them where they were originally. These people exist everywhere...it's best to just let them go...You have sprouted wings....FLY AWAY!!! Congrats on your successes!!

rappaport · 02-11-2008, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zenomia

Anyone who says your NO longer their friend because your losing weight, was NEVER your friend in the first place!! Friends are there through thick and thin, fat or skinny....they don't go tucking their tails and split when things move in different directions. Your "friend" sounds like someone who has issues with change and adaptation. I'm sorry you have to go through that, but it does happen. My SIL and MIL are both very bitter toward me because of the weight loss and subsequent plastics. Granted, they were bitter and dead set against all this to begin with, so their venom is not unexpected....but the mindset, it's the same. These type of people can't handle change and they certainly can't handle it when they THINK they are moving to a lower position on their mental hierarchy. It's all about where they think they belong, and when you change so much...your position....in their minds...moves on in leaps and bounds while they are stuck right where they are. Instead of growing and adjusting to the changes around them, they become bitter and start lashing out at those who are making the adjustments in an attempt to hold them back or keep them where they were originally. These people exist everywhere...it's best to just let them go...You have sprouted wings....FLY AWAY!!! Congrats on your successes!!

Truer words have never been spoken...you nailed the core of the issue.

Omaha Jim · 02-11-2008, 09:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zenomia

Anyone who says your NO longer their friend because your losing weight, was NEVER your friend in the first place!! Friends are there through thick and thin, fat or skinny....they don't go tucking their tails and split when things move in different directions. Your "friend" sounds like someone who has issues with change and adaptation. I'm sorry you have to go through that, but it does happen. My SIL and MIL are both very bitter toward me because of the weight loss and subsequent plastics. Granted, they were bitter and dead set against all this to begin with, so their venom is not unexpected....but the mindset, it's the same. These type of people can't handle change and they certainly can't handle it when they THINK they are moving to a lower position on their mental hierarchy. It's all about where they think they belong, and when you change so much...your position....in their minds...moves on in leaps and bounds while they are stuck right where they are. Instead of growing and adjusting to the changes around them, they become bitter and start lashing out at those who are making the adjustments in an attempt to hold them back or keep them where they were originally. These people exist everywhere...it's best to just let them go...You have sprouted wings....FLY AWAY!!! Congrats on your successes!!

This is why we love the Zenmaster.

Mavisavis · 02-11-2008, 09:21 AM

I know it's easier said than done....but try and just move past it. I did not have this happen, but know that many do. Just focus on your own mental, physical, and emotional health. I have a feeling if you are honest with yourself, she probably drained you along the way and your main bond was that you could be fat together.

Chubbola · 02-11-2008, 08:36 PM

you guys are the best! i wanted to reply and add that i have asked her to join a gym with me, i've asked her to movies, asked her to go for walks, out to eat, come over and hang out, etc-she just kept avoiding me until she got up the nerve to call me with her friendship ending lecture. so i really did try to keep the lines open and i was sincerely understanding of her weight problems...i just think that it'll all work out one way or another. i just have to remember that i can't always please everybody---but it's just so much easier that way!

Toony · 02-11-2008, 08:53 PM

Love the new avatar Courtney... did you make it to your group tonight? Thought of you...

Chubbola · 02-11-2008, 09:21 PM

thanks katie! i thought i better switch from the old one-i look a little different now! that was from thanksgiving! i was at my mom's tonight and she said-'get over here, skinny! let me take a pic of you'!!! gotta love moms! i didn't go to my meeting-state showed up at work-i had to go right there after school! i was actually looking forward to it-we hafta meet next month for *water* lol! hope you're doing well!

sdgrrl · 02-16-2008, 04:02 AM

Courtney,
It's a sad fact but a true one, people do really mean stuff to one another. This is not to say that you have been a poor friend--it means that false friends are plentiful and easily won, but true friends are willing to talk things through, give a benefit of a doubt, ask questions, examine their feelings, and don't throw the baby out with the bathwater.

Unfortunately, false friends are everywhere--even on this forum--even on this thread!

Sometimes the only thing we can do is cry, shake our heads, try not to be bitter, and ultimately love ourselves enough to know truth from whatever fictional 'stuff' we supposedly did to make ourselves be unlovable.

No matter how alone you may feel without this false friend, know that there are lots and lots of people you know now, and some you don't know yet, are waiting to find such a great friend as you are. False friends get back just what they put into their friendships.