Not doing good - ThinnerTimes

Jeanie · 03-24-2005, 08:50 AM

OK I need some help. For me to say that is a big step! I have been falling back into my old ways. I've been really stressed out at work lately. We are changing computer systems (big nightmare), and I have also taken on another store for benefits and payroll. What that means is I am now responsible for about 350+ people.
What I mean by my old ways is eating! Because I am stressed I find myself snacking more and more. When I snack it's not on good things. They other day I ate some of a sugar cookie. It made me sick. You would think that would make me stop. NOPE I went back for more. WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?

I'm really tired by the time I get home for work that I don't do anything in the house, and let me tell you it shows.

I feel that my life is a mess right now.
I guess what I need to know is how do I stop the destruction?? I need to get back on track, but I don't know how. Any suggestions would be wonderful!

Christina · 03-24-2005, 08:59 AM

Jeanie.. first of all ((((((Big Hugs!!)))))) I am sorry you are going through this. We all struggle with this issue. The first step is admitting it, that is the hardest one too. You can try going to an OA support group as well, I know that helped Bridget and Karen and Phil is just the OA God!!

I don't know how much advice I can really give but I can tell you that what I do at work (because I am ALWAYS stressed there) is keep healthy snacks or protein bars in my desk. There are no vending machines or any chances of me leaving the office except for lunch so that is actually a blessing to me. Karen and I are really into apples and peanut butter right now. We both hate to snack, but when we do snack on something like that we do feel better about our choices. Secondly, please do not beat yourself up over this. Remember we've all been there and we all are afraid of going back to where we came from, therefore we must change our behavior. It doesn't change with surgery, and it doesn't change over night or without a lot of effort, hard work, and committment. You have the tool and the power to change your ways now so love yourself and make whatever changes you need to in order to get yourself back on track.

You're going to be just fine, my friend.. just have faith in yourself. You deserve all of the wonderment that the world has to offer.

watergirl · 03-24-2005, 09:48 AM

Christina's post really says everything that I was thinking. You can make the changes you need to, make that first baby step to change. Bring healthy snacks to work and have them at home. Exercise helps immediately with stress. I hope you're keeping up with that. Keep us posted my friend!

I'm sending (((((((HUGS))))))) your way.

Gatzby · 03-24-2005, 10:30 AM

You know what helps me with Stress? I beat the heck out of a pillow when I get really stressed. A punching bag or other such apparatus might help.

Look for some stress balls. They are fun, and relieve stress.

bridgetgirl · 03-24-2005, 10:33 AM

I feel the same way as you do sugar snap pea! LOL I ate throughout the day yesterday 4 sugar cookies with a dallop of real chocolate in the center, and 4 thin mints oh yeah and 1 1/2 crispy creme donuts I had my usual string cheese and coffee for breafast, and brocolli salad, 2 slices of turkey and a piece of cheese for lunch. When I got home late last night my dinner was those cheez its buffalo wing and blue cheese curlz..... they taste good, but not good for me I know. I felt like such a hog last night..... instead of beating myself up about it, I decided to get over it.... today I had my string cheese, 3 slices of bacon and OJ. I just decided to get on the good foot TODAY. One day at a time as I always say... I dont try to justify why I ate like that, I feel great, no real stress other than the pain in my left shoulder and back (still from that flippin accident in Jan.)
Anywho, today I have sugar snap peas to munch on... you can get a giant bag from costco for like $6...they are sweet and CRUNCHY, just the stuff we're looking for. I also have a can of almonds and a bag of jerkey at my desk as well.... see just start over, everyday, dont worry about yesterday, only today.

Do you have a COSTCO card? If so, if ya like we can shop together and split the bill since its so much food for so little dollars. Let me know lil lady!

I hope this advice helps you... I love your face. Keep those calories at bay today, because were gonna cut loose tonight! Woo hoo!

Jeanie · 03-24-2005, 01:15 PM

Thanks for all the advice. I have fallen out of the gym rountine, but I really want to get back into it, and I will. I'm a strong person, and I know what I have to do for myself to be happy. I just got to get myself back on track, and I am sure going to do my best to get there.
Rob,
If only I had a pillow at work. I'd be beating the crap out of it all day...lol

Gatzby · 03-24-2005, 02:26 PM

In absence of a pillow, there are little toys that you can squeeze, and do neat things like the eyes bug out and stuff. That is a GREAT way to relieve stress at the desk

Christina · 03-24-2005, 02:31 PM

I had one of those at work.. those gel filled types of stress balls with floating things inside.. quite interesting.. only thing is.. when they break open.. and if you are VERY STRESSED Like someone I know personally.. they WILL break open.. (when you throw them really really hard against a wall from a short distance.. oh yeah!!) They splatter all over the walls and it is very hard to get the stain out.. hehehe It's sticky too.. ewwwww

Gatzby · 03-24-2005, 02:34 PM

I have a friend that has a pig one..... the person that sits next to me squeezed it so hard that it messed the pig up, now the gell stuff on the inside comes out of the little hole on the backside. If it wasn't so freakin funny, it would be disgusting

JohnsWife4Life · 03-24-2005, 02:36 PM

Oh I am there with you WLS siblings.

Tuesday I did so well, I got up at noon, that was good to sleep that long before I have to work at 7pm. I decided even though I wasn't hungry, I would be starving by the time I had a chance to eat so I had some protein cereal at about 4pm before my shower. I had to stop at the bank so hit starbucks on my way out, and sucked on that going to work, that was nice I have to admit because I usually get the frappuccino on my way inside the hospital and so it gets warm or whatever, but I had this all the way to work.

They needed me in the cardiovascular unit instead of babies, so I already knew on my way to work what that meant. With hearts, well you can have a smoothe night, or you can have a disaster.

When I got to work there was a HUGE carrot cake tray, of course there was not too much left, but from a huge cake i would say the size of a flying saucer, there was enough for the night nurses to each have a piece. (if ya hurry) So I took my piece, hadn't seen carrot cake in years let alone taste. I took my first bite of this slice of cake big enough to feed three. I went on about my business taking report and so on and so on, then the day nurses are gone, and so is the cake, well that started everyone on a rampage, but me, lol I am not regular so I kept my mouth shut, but felt about as low as I could. I could have sat on a cigarette paper and swang my legs. Here I was with this huge slice of cake, I had already taken a bite of, and there was no more, and they all complaining how the day nurses took all the cake. (The cake was a pat on the back from one of the cardiologists.) The monitor tech is about the size I was before, and I saw so much of me in her, she was P I S S E D! I ate that cake slowly over the next 10 hours or so,and the tech ranted of that cake all night long. I was still "tasting that cake" every chance I had, and I had alot of chances. I had only three patients as opposed to 8, so it was slow for me, they were extremely ill patients, but not at deaths door, at least not at the threshold. They really needed and just wanted their needed rest for recovery and what not. So I was trying to take bites when no one was around, because I was the only one with cake! In between that cake, I had a Ramonas beef and bean burrito, that took me maybe 2 hours to eat. I had lots of coffee, had chili fritos, and some cheesy munchies. I tried jolly ranchers smoothies, those were good, I had a peach. I felt like I ate all night long at work, not to mention the brownie I had bought at startbucks. I had been up for 30 hours by the time I got in bed last night, but here is the rest of what I ate from that bowl of cereal at 4pm tues to this morning at 01. A cheeseburger (three meals of that) more cheesy munchies, more brownie, I was kind enough to let my son have the last few bites of that, (I noticed I was hiding it from him) I wasn't hiding from him the fact I was eating it, but he ate alot yesterday and I didn't want him to have it. I now feel guilty when I give him anything I shouldn't be eating either.

Anyway, long story, it happens to the best of us. This morning I weigh 123, so I guess I didn't do too bad, even though to me I was an absolute pig! I look at everything I ate though, and what do you know, I could have eaten everything I ate in 30 hours, all in one meal. Thats the difference. Yes, I ate the cheeseburger, three times, but before that would have been three cheeseburgers at one time, not one burger divided in three parts.

I know we have the potential to snack and graze ourselves back into that pasture of COWS, but I know we are all so scared too, and that I think is the good thing here, we are frightened. We are all smart enough to know, hey, this is toxic for us, we need to confess, get it out in the open, we need to work on that now.

I am looking at the scale a little different today, as my friend, not my enemy. I get on the scale and if it is up then I know I must watch everything going in. I should everyday, and everything, but reality is that ain't gonna happen. I will have my cake, I will have that stuff I shouldn't have. I don't know if this is rationalizing or not. LOL!

I know that I am so depressed over John. I have been eating, and eating wrong things, I just guess it hasn't been as all that I thought. Or maybe my mind constantly working overtime is burning the calories. I know the cake won't hit the scale the next day, but a day or two later. So I am watching the scale. I just hate when I get on the scale and it hikes up more than a hair. Evidently though I haven't been eating TOO much because I lost a little weight. I think that I have found my valley, and I suppose I can live with this yo yo of 121 to 131. My cycle plays such a big role there. I lose about 7 pounds after each cycle, but I do gain before. Gee, and isn't that the way it is supposed to be?

Every day starts out fresh with no mistakes in them. The later I make the first mistake the better off I am. I believe though that without all my bad food choices, I probably would have starved to death between 7 and 12 months out. That is where I really picked up the energy, felt good, felt like a new woman, not just a fresh post op trying to survive the honeymoon period.

We have each other to tell. We know we do wrong, but we recognize that. We freak out over a piece of cake, when before we freaked out like the monitor tech, omg its gone, and I only ate 1/4 of the cake instead of half. You know what I mean.

Bridget, my last binge before surgery was a box of krispee kreme donuts, that I fell into and didn't come up for air for 3 days. So your little binge couldn't hold a candle to what you were before.

The only exercise that doesn't feel like work is dancing to me. As soon as Spring break is over and Mark is back at school, man I am going to be out in it dancing in the night, three nights a week, water and dancing. Anyone wanna jump on with me feel free, I am really lonely these days, guess I have been for a really long time. Knowing someone loves you more than life itself, well it doesn't make everything okay. There could never be a greater love than the love between John and myself, lets just hope that that will be enough.

Im done,

Hugs,

Traci