What will happen to my relationship???? - ThinnerTimes

Nikkigotrocks · 03-20-2005, 07:44 AM

Hey Everyone!
I have a question for anyone who wants to answer... One of my major worries before I have this surgery is what will happen to my relationship with my boyfriend?? I have been told that theres a high divorce rate among patients but that doesn't really tell me anything. My boyfriend and I live together and he is very supportive about the surgery. We have a great relationship, very healthy and I love him more than anything but I am still concerned. I feel like I am so unprepared for what I am about to go through. Even though I have been to everything that I can and read as much as I can I still feel like I have no idea what life will have in store for me after the surgery. So if anyone can give me hindsight that would be great!

lealphachienne · 03-20-2005, 08:05 AM

Relationships do change after WLS. How much is the uncertainity. There's no easy, simple formulation that will tell you if your relationships will improve or get worse. Even if you had a certain clue about how things will be, it's just so diffirent when you actually reach that point. I knew there was going to be major ups and downs and craziness. When I actually experienced them, it was scarier than I thought it could be. However, take comfort in knowing that you will overcome the obstacles with support and help from those who've been there already. I am quite fortunate that my hubby has had the surgery 3 years ago. It certainly helps to live with someone who knows exactly what you're going through.

Good luck in your quest.

BFD · 03-20-2005, 04:47 PM

Is this true?? Is there a higher divorce rate with poeple who have had this done?? Anyone have any stats on that??

Meaghan · 03-20-2005, 05:52 PM

Don't know about affecting a current relationship, as I have NONE. But I sure am hoping this may open doors for me. The very best outcome will be that I have a better relationship with myself - that's my most important goal at the moment. I know that my weight affects everything I do... I imagine if there is a good foundation to begin with, you will have an even more fulfilling relationship together... it sounds as if your boyfriend is already behind you and that can only mean good things. Good luck and best wished for you and yours.

Emerald · 03-20-2005, 07:01 PM

Hi Nikki -

I can give you my experience with it, if you like. My husband had surgery a year ago tomorrow and it had some challenges. Let me ask you this, though, does your SO have a weight issue or is he "normal"?

Nikkigotrocks · 03-20-2005, 08:40 PM

Well, my boyfriend is about 6'1 and weighs about 250 and is very muscular. So could he lose 10lbs yeah sure but does he have a weight problem? No. He works out 5 days a week and pretty healthy. So I figure that would help but I'm not sure. So thanks for the imput everyone!!

JJ Girl · 03-21-2005, 04:27 AM

Although I do not have my WLS for another month, I have lost 100 and 70 pounds at different times. I think if you are married to someone insecure and jealous you could have problems with him/her being afraid that you might leave. I never had any problems though. Just reassure him/her alot about what a great guy he is and remember, he loved you when you were fat...... what a compliment.

MaryClipper · 03-21-2005, 08:20 AM

It is true that there is a higher divorce rate among WLS patients. Why...? often it is because as we gain our self esteem back we are less willing to put up with some of the things we just accepted from our partners in the past. Many MO people have settled for partners who are abusive or just wrong for us because we felt we couldn't get any better.

I think that so much of it depends on the health of the relationship going in. If you have a strong, supportive, loving relationship going in to the surgery your chances are much better, if you are already having problems then it will probably get worse.

My advise is to include your spouse in the process as much as possible. Take him to the educational seminar, the pre-op meetings, etc. The better educated they are on what to expect and what you are going through the better off you both will be.

My personal experience is that my relationship with my husband has been much better because of the surgery. He was part of every step, he understood the process, he understood what I needed and that obesity was not my fault. In watching me improve my life, he was motivated to make changes to improve his life and health. Good Luck to you.

bridgetgirl · 03-21-2005, 09:44 AM

Relationships dont end with your spouse/boyfriend/significant other. The relationships with your FRIENDS chane too. Im with Meaghan, single so I dont have any advice to shed on that matter, but I can tell you my "oldest dearest best friends" that I hand known as long as Jr High and High School, the friendships I had with them have changed... many of us arent friends at all anymore. That's their problem, whatever reason they wanted to discontinue or justify not being friends with me... is okay with me. I choose to discontinue my friendships with these people because without food, my comforting tool..... I was able to see how toxic these people were.... negative and mean. Selfish and rude... to everyone. Its amazing because for so many years i always justified and made excuses for these freindships saying things like, "Well they never do anything to me...... they're okay." They way they treat everyone including there own family members was no longer tolerable.... I felt like I could see that much clearily now, as a result of the "good dumping" getting rid of all the toxic people in my life, I am truly euphoric and so much happier now.... everyday I make new friends and I like that.
Its amazing what you can see when you dont have a jumbo jack in your mouth obstructing the view if negative behavior... Its amazing what you can see when you arent drunk off your behind so you can "relax" around these high maintenance personalities...... good riddens to both, the food and the folks!
This is my own personal story of what has happened to me.

On another note, being single I thought that as soon as I lost weight I would have NO problems finding a man... (I know right), thats a myth... if you cant do it now, you cant do it with a yard or lard or without. Its our personalities that need work, not the weight... I say this because I realized that I needed work to bring in and invite the love.... Im a work in progress, one day at a time, I hope not to be single forever.......

Miss rocks: If your boyfriend is not insecure, if he praises you through it all now and you feel close, then things should be okay. If however in the back of your mind there is a shadow of a doubt that he's "not the one" the relationship will undoubtly change, as you will have different expectaions on how you should be treated as you loose weight... we all go through it. Good luck sugar pea! welcome to thebest lil board in the west... heck in the country even!

Bypassingme619 · 03-21-2005, 06:40 PM

I have a wonderful man. Very supportive but sometimes I am concerned about how he will handle such a drastic change. I have asked him over and over again about how would he feel and honestly he is more excited then I am, I even catch him day dreaming about what I will look like. We also have a strong relationship with God so that puts my mind at ease. I guess my main advice is let your boyfriend be apart of your wls. I would think if anything, a change like this in a relationship would make you two stronger in the end because you two will come across some bridges that are going to be ruff. I do wish you the best on your great journey to come. I will pray for you two. Pray for us too.