What will happen to my relationship???? - Page 2 - ThinnerTimes

03-21-2005, 07:55 PM

Mary said it so well.

As an old time married person, I can only say that marriage, (or a relationship) has to be able to withstand change. We all grow and in order for the relationship to stay in tack it must grow in the direction of the people involved. So your basic physics will show you the people must grow in the same direction or the relationships gets torn apart.

How does WLS affect this growth? Just like any other important change in your relationship, we must have lots of communication, understanding and most importantly respect. With that respect your partner will want the very best for you and allow themselves to support and be happy for the changes in you. (and visa versa)

It pays to realize this when your choosing a mate. Ask yourself...

Will he/she be there for me when things get tough? If the answer is "I'm not sure" than I suggest you get to talking!

Hope this helps.

Rain

Meaghan · 03-21-2005, 10:53 PM

Bridget - everything you wrote was so true.... especially the friends part. I've always had just a hand full of friends, I think because I've moved so much, but man - I've stuck with some really mean people. Thank god they are out of my life now, but how sad that I wasted so much of my time - because I though I wasn't worhty of better people? Crazy. I know I feel like I don't have a man in my life because I'm so fat - but I think it's more of who I am inside right now. My fat is certainly a shell - I was so thin 2 years ago and with a man that made me crazy and later turned abusive... after he was arrested and out of my life I'm fat? It kills me - I sabotage myself. But I know I've wrapped this fat around me like a blanket - maybe to recover - I don't know.

I just want to be happy on the inside and reflect it on the outside too.

Blueyz · 03-21-2005, 10:56 PM

Meaghan~
You will be happy and you, too will find your Prince Charming. You are such a sweet and beautiful person. I am excited for your upcoming surgery day.

watergirl · 03-22-2005, 07:04 AM

You will loose the weight! Getting your head on straight may take more time. I think you're a really great person and can't wait to get to know you better.

We're here to help you along the way in any way that we can.

bridgetgirl · 03-22-2005, 11:07 AM

We are all soul sisters and brothers, regardless of the thickness of our "shells". You got a friend in me sister girl! Hey can you and your son attend the party on April 2nd? The details are under social entitled party People! hope you can make it! Big hugs to you girl!

Emerald · 03-23-2005, 11:28 AM

I think everyone is right on with their advice. I would just like to add my 2 cents!

I think when both parties are over-weight and one does something like WLS that the dynamics of the relationship are hit hard, all jealousy issues aside. You have no idea how much food is a part of your daily relationship; your social interaction, your rewards, even your co-dependancies! So that was an interesting spin when Mike had his surgery and I was still in my food induced haze.

But what really woke me up, so to speak, was the changes in our interests, which I think is the part that will apply to you. I don't care what the situation (if one of you goes back to school, loses weight, when you have a baby, gets seriously interested in something new), common interests are what binds couples. And if your interests become too far apart from each other, you have 2 choices. Adapt to show interest in your spouses new interest, or fight it. I think if you have a strong relationship, you try and adapt with your partner. But if things are strained, tense and resentful, it's easier for people to give up and move on.

Growth is a funny thing. It is exciting and threatening, challenging and a burden. Depends which side of the fence you are on!

I'll get off my soapbox now!

Billyd · 04-01-2005, 11:07 AM

Well since everyone is putting in their two cents, here is mine. Now it actually only concerns my relationship with Irela. As a couple we have been thru alot in the past years. WLS was something that she really wanted. I didnt really warm to the idea until I saw how happy it made her. WLS has actually strengthened our marriage. I am now getting ready to have the surgery also.

So my two cents are that if your relationship is good before WLS it should be better after. Support of your spouse is priority number 1

JennaM · 04-02-2005, 10:03 AM

My hubby and I were ahveing problems before I had my WLS. We have been in marraige counseling since before WlS. It is helping but we still have our moments. His insecurity has shown it's ugly head a few times. Right now our sex life is practically nonexistant. I love him and he is my best friend but I am worried about if we will make it. I'm starting school next week and I would of thought he would be excited about me getting started in a career. I've been a stay at home mom most of our relationship and am soley dependant on him for supporting our household. I think he's scared of me making more money than him. Even with counseling we have a hard time communicating. He holds things in and lets it stew and vibes for weeks on end. Lately I feel like out love for each other just is drifting away, I get so mad atr him for not showing any affection. I haVE to own my part in it to. I've been hard to live with the past month or so, I was in a pretty bad deppression for a while. So we will continue counseling and working on our communication skills. It feels like we are roommates at this point. I hope things get better because I can't live the rest of my life in a loveless, passionless marraige. He never says I look good or anything like that. I have even told him that I'm starving for affection and attention. Still nothing. Oh well, Glad I have batteries. LOL