Question for the women... - ThinnerTimes

Midntsgirl · 03-14-2005, 09:03 PM

Here's a question for all you girls out there...
Now before I had the surgery I weighed 319. I was a BIG girl with a VERY big butt! I was depressed, sad, miserable, etc etc etc. No one wanted to be with me and I didn't have many opportunities to "be" with anyone. Now since I've had the surgery and have lost 136.5 lbs I have to admit that my self esteem has improved and I feel better about myself. I have gained confidence and walk around like I am the most beautiful and hottest woman out there. BUT I have noticed that I have become an attention whore. I don't focus on just one guy or try to build a relationship with just one guy. I have had many men (good looking ones too) show me attention and it seems like my phone is ringing off the hook now. But I can't stop...before food was my addiction, and now it seems like men are. I haven't slept with anyone since I broke up with Aaron in September, but I have come close a few times with like 3 guys. Am I turning into a slut/whore?? Do you find yourselves doing the same things?? Will I stop this eventually? Is this normal??? Any advice will be helpful. Thanks a bunch!!

TabFox · 03-14-2005, 09:47 PM

The attention we get now sure is an ego booster, but it sounds to me that you're missing something in your life and you're searching for it. Before surgery, you (we) turned to food. Now you're seeking whatever is missing from men. I'll give you the advice that I give my own daughter and my students at school. Always respect yourself, don't settle for less just for the sake of companionship/sex/having a boyfriend, etc. Don't risk your emotional health. A sexual relationship is wonderful when you truly care for someone, but just hopping in the sack is not going to make you feel good in the long term. Chances are, you're going to feel worse. I would suggest finding a healthy outlet. Get a new hobby, learn a new sport, take up a dancing class, and maybe some counseling to help you pinpoint why you're doing this. Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

Tabitha
Open 5/26/04
321/181/???

Blueyz · 03-14-2005, 11:19 PM

Tabitha~
That is the most awesome advice. I was trying to think of a response for Brenda, and you just said it all beautifully.

Hang in there Brenda and do try a new hobby or something.

Hugs~

xocats · 03-14-2005, 11:23 PM

Hi Girlfriend,

Because you had the courage to have WLS, you have made profound changes, not only to your body, but in the way you preceive yourself interacting with others and in the way you preceive people reacting to you. That is a major change in your life.

It might be useful, possibly even necessary, for you to find a female councilor, who specializes in cognitive work, to help you sort out your old ways of re-acting to outside stimuli that no longer works & to help you replace your old reactions, with new ways of interacting with people. You can become a powerful, georgous woman, who no longer needs to feel threatened by the big unfriendly world out there.

You may need to interview a few councilors, before you find one that fits your personality. With the right person you will find it can be a positive, fun and creative experience.

If you choose to randomly test out the the new you, by becoming a "hose monkey"---You will be left as empty as a used up box of twinkies.

Do the necessary emotional work and soon you will begin to blossem into a beautiful, strong, woman who can create whatever it is is that you discover you want in your life.

Hugs,

Americanwoman397 · 03-15-2005, 06:34 AM

You know Brenda I was an easy girl for a while before I had surgery because I wanted to feel love and I felt the only way to get it was by sleeping with guys. I'm telling talking to my therapist has helped me a lot. About 4 months after surgery I started running into all these guys I dated and messed around with. Every single one of them tried getting back with me or getting me to mess around with them but I feel so good about myself I didn't need that. It really is about how you feel about yourself I mean don't get me wrong I still love the attention and knowing the guys want to be with me but those are not the type of guys that you need in your life. You need to find one who is going to love you no matter what and don't find one who is so insecure you can't get out of his site without him going crazy believe me I did that and it was crazy.

I am now with the best guy ever. He treats me like a queen and would do anything for me. It is the best feeling in the world when you find the guy who wants to take care of you for once. Just be careful and talk to someone. Remember you have to deal with the issues that we used to stuff food with you can't just replace them.

Good luck and remember we are always here for you.

watergirl · 03-15-2005, 07:31 AM

Great advice from everyone. I hope you can find the comfort you seek within yourself. Becoming your own best friend is a life lesson.

Come learn to surf and knit.

Wishing you all the best.

bridgetgirl · 03-15-2005, 12:53 PM

I dont like it, not usually. I find it like I have endured instant celebrity (Im really not as shallow as this sounds...) BUT people stare at me, watch me, sometimes follow me, talk about me.... it's weird! But thats there monkey. But i can tell you from all the POSITIVE that has come from it, actually feeling attractive and knowing it, is powerful. I feel when I walk into a room people want to talk to me. SO I talk to EVERYONE! I really am social... ask Michelle... when we were at Hooley's I talk to everyone, say Hi to LOTS of people. I know people arent afraid of me and its purely scientific that people are attracted to attractive people. ( I know right.) The thing about it all with me is, I dont take any of this for granted. I remember being the "purse holder" the "table watcher", Im not that person any more any its liberating. I am humble, I will never be narcassistic. However the stares and watchful eyes are a little annoying, lately I have realized that Im starting to walk with my head down when I enter a business, or somewhere else unfamiliar. Note to self... self work on that.

Just remember my lil chick a dee... when you lay down with a dog, you get fleas. I keep that locked in my brain at all times. What will sleeping with " just some dude" do for you? After many years of worthless encounters with men, I have done a 180 and become in love with the idea of being in love..... remember chicken, your body is a temple... you wouldnt just let anyone stomp about in your temple would you? Only you know the answer to if you are a "slut" or not. I dont see it... I see a girl who is enjoying her celebrity...

This poses are very interesting question though? Does a girl have to put out, to get a guys love? I keep hearing (thus why Im single) if a girls isnt "doing it" a guy will think he's not interested. What cha think?

Blueyz · 03-15-2005, 01:22 PM

when you lay down with a dog, you get fleas.

This just cracks me up!! That really made me smile today. LOL

bridgetgirl · 03-15-2005, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DaleM

when you lay down with a dog, you get fleas.

This just cracks me up!! That really made me smile today. LOL

Glad ya like it sugar pea!

LizardQueen · 03-15-2005, 05:44 PM

I don't think you area slut or you wouldn't be asking for advise. You just have a lot of new found attention and you need to learn how to deal with it. I agree with the counseling idea and the hobby idea. You are a new person and I guess you have to recreate yourself in a sense. Dating a few different guys will give you an idea of what out there. However, sleeping with a few may give you diseases.