family and friends let me down - Page 2 - ThinnerTimes

rgbmom1 · 10-27-2007, 06:28 PM

I say hug your husband and let him know you feel cared for. I have two kids a 16 year old daughter and 4 year old son. Sometimes i just give MYSELF the time out to breath. You do the best you can do and then its up to them. I am happy for you and hope you will enjoy your new health and rekindle that love for your dh.
Mandy

Nyn · 10-29-2007, 12:50 PM

Unfortunately, I haven't been able to be around much the last several days. But you've been on my mind because I was wondering whether your kids had come through for you after you actually had the surgery. I'm so, so sorry that they haven't.

My stepdad has gone through a similar situation with his two daughters. After he divorced their mother and then married my mom, they often behave in the most spoiled, awful way to him. They only come to him when they are in trouble with their mother, need help with their cars, or need money. Things got really sad, bad, and distant as they turned 18 and went off to college 5 hours away. They seemed to only care about drinking and partying for several years. BUT, they are now getting a bit older, and things are getting better. S.L.O.W.L.Y. The oldest one is a few years out from college now and she has been behaving in a more mature manner. Things are far from OK in my and my mom's book, but...better. The lesson I learned from watching this over the last 10 years is that parenting takes a looooong time. No lesson is learned over night.

This is a really important turning point for your family. Tough love must be so difficult to enforce...but from what I've seen it only works when it IS enforced. Please don't back down now. Let the kids have time to learn, time to let it sink in. Don't regret things that you do out of your love for them. And from the bottom of my heart I wish you well and the best of luck beating those blues.

janine · 10-29-2007, 01:13 PM

I sit here 7 days post-op and wander, "what in the world are they thinking?" I haven't heard hide nor hair from my son in over 3 weeks. My daughter came over to get her mail but never asked me a thing about how I was feeling, what it was like, if I needed anything, if her dad needed anything... nothing... just picking up her mail because she was supposed to get a new bank card and that was important to her. It's been a few days since she did that. She had to have known I was in a great deal of pain. I was in bed when she arrived and rang the door bell. DH was getting my prescriptions... the day after I arrived home from the hospital. I dragged myself out of bed and waddled to the hallway when she let herself in. When she called earlier I asked her not to come by for another hours because DH would be back. But she came right over. I said, "hugh... I thought you wouldn't be here for another hour"... she said, "I talked to dad and he said I could come over" So, I waddled back to bed and she rummaged through all the unsorted mail. Never said goodbye, I love you or kiss my ass. Yes, I'm thinking... when she needs me, what shall I say? Should I say, "oh... you need me? oh... I needed you too..." Should I tell her to just go away? I hate this behavior... and I just really don't know how to handle it properly. oops... starting to get emotional here...

(not so funny that I thought of food after I wrote that) I have to find another comfort for my emotional termoil.

I'm a bit restless today, I'll try to put some clothes away and clean up a bit. It's really not too bad, but I'll try to do what I can.

katygirl · 10-29-2007, 01:32 PM

Janine, first let me say, Good for you. You did a wonderful thing for your young son. I came from a family with an older alcholic brother. My mother catered to him and we went thru H_ _ L. From what you said, I do not think you said anything to your older two that was unloving. You still cherish a relationship with them and the ball is in their court. Give yourself and them time to heal. They are probably ashamed and pride is a hard thing to suck up. I will be praying for physical healing for you and healing for your family. I know you are hurt by your children but on the other hand your husband rocks!!! I would give anything to have a caring, thoughtful man. Count your blessings and take care of yourself. Lots of Love!