husband relationship - ThinnerTimes

janine · 09-09-2007, 09:47 AM

My surgery is scheduled for oct. 23.
my concern is that after surgery, food will no longer be my number one. Sounds strange? Well, my world is focused around food and so is my husband's. We often watch cooking shows and cook and plan meals daily. Our relationship is focused around meals, it seams. At least that's how I see it now after a year of analyzing why I eat so much (no denial here!). I'm wandering how others relationships have changed after surgery. How do you handle eating 2 oz during a meal while your spouce has a large plate? seems like I'd be done eating way before he would be. We don't walk together or do any activity together except perhaps an accasional outing. He has gone on a few hikes with me but seems to not really enjoy himself. I've discussed this issue with him and he says he doesn't have a concern. But when our lives are focused around our next meal now and then not after the surgery. How will this affect our relationship? Anyone out there have this situation?

Debz · 09-09-2007, 10:02 AM

Hi Janine, and welcome. Your situation sounds a lot like ours. My fiancee and I spent a lot of time cooking, eating and going out to eat before my surgery. We would plan whole days around food. You know, go to a gourmet grocery store and look around for cool stuff, go to lunch, visit a winery and then go to dinner. We did stuff like that all the time.

Now, I just can't do that anymore. It's been an adjustment. I didn't even cook the first month post op. (I'll be five weeks out tomorrow.) He's cooked his own meals for a whole month. Not that he can't....but it sure is different. My 9 year old is home from the summer with her Dad, so cooking is going to be more a part of my life from now on....but it's nothing like before.

For me, food has gone from this big affair to more of a chore. I'm not sure how he feels about it, but it just isn't center stage for us anymore. We are finding other things to relate about. We talk about my surgery and the way my body is changing. It also is much easier for me to walk....so, we're doing more outside stuff than before my surgery.

A funny little side note...I used to watch Food Network quite a bit before surgery...but now it is an obsession. It's weird. I know a lot of people here call Food Network food porn....and I can totally concur. I don't get hungry when I watch it, but I do get ideas for things I could possibly add to my diet...

Good luck to you as you try to figure this whole thing out. Just the fact that you're thinking about it beforehand is a good thing....

I_love_Hello Kitty · 09-09-2007, 12:01 PM

My husband and I would eat out ALLL the time...we both love food. The difference is he's not overweight and I am...however he wants to lose about 15 lbs...since sugery we have not eaten out at all...and he's lost 5 lbs...he's excited about it. (He eats a lot of lean cuisines since I don't cook right now).

For now we don't have meals together..because I don't have the same food as him...and I drink a lot of my meals...but we simply realte on other things. We talk about how things will change for me...he's interested in hearing about things I learn online from this forum...and we are going on a cruise in March and we talk about both of us becoming healthy between now and then, and how much more fun we'll have being thinner.

We'll just have to reshape our relationship to focus on other things...although he loves food...he wasn't obsessed like I was...and I think its fine for him NOT to focus on food...

And once I'm a bit thinner maybe we can exercise together...

janine · 09-09-2007, 12:54 PM

I'm anxious to see how things turn out. I was thinking We (my hubby and I) would find hiking to be something we could do together. I'm not sure why he doesn't have a good time. whether it's because I'm so slow and he often has to waite for me to catch up or just that he doesn't enjoy being out in the weather. He started to walk with me around the neiborhood but has since stoped coming. He really doesn't like it at all. So I and my dog walk when I have the energy... I work alot in my yard these days on my non-walking day. I think I'll start early in the mornin' and see if anyone else walks, who knows I might meet someone who wants to do it together. I'm not very social though so I don't think I'm ready to pal up to anyone yet. Gary (husband) does cook alot and he will cook for himself if need be but most likely would eat out. I emagine I will still cook for him and the teans but it definately won't be the same and yes, I can imagine it becoming a chore like laundry and vacuming. Another thing that concerns me is that I have read story's about women who have lost there desire for sex. What in the world? I'm hoping that after I loose this weight I would want it more... not less.. lol! I just can't emagine this happening... how strange our bodies are, that something like that could happen. I take a boat load of vitamines now. and another thing I don't understand is how to get all that protien in 2 oz. of food.
what gives?

Janine