Hanging out with a FAT WOMAN - ThinnerTimes

I_love_Hello Kitty · 09-07-2007, 05:36 PM

I have always truly believed...although when I've discussed this with people they always tell me I'm wrong...that if you are a fat woman, many people feel like being around you because it makes them feel better about themselves...like..even if its not a conscious decision, they know that they will look thin next to you..and that is comforting to them ...like they have one up on you. For instance...if they are going to the same party as you, they know that they will look better than at least one person there...its very non-threatening to hang out with a fat woman.

However, when people meet a thin beautiful woman, they often feel uncomfortable...perhaps assume she is a bitch (I know even I did that)...and maybe felt bad about themselves if they were to hang out with this thin beautiful woman...so..I have lots of girl friends. Always have. I guess I've been their comfort blanket.

Soon I won't be...and I wonder what will happen.

Today my Mother-in-law said something that confirmed to me that my theroy is valid. Don't get me wrong..she has been a tremendous help to me...and since the surgery has tried...as much as she can...to be supportive. You see tonight my kids have an "Ice Cream Social" at school...and my Mother-in-law will be joining us. And she asked me if I will be able to have ice cream (by the way...I'm 3 weeks out)...and I replied no...in fact its possible I may never be able to have ice cream again. And She replied..oh..that's terrible... and I explained to her that I would miss ice cream, but this is a choice I made, and I don't want to hurt myself...and soon I will be losing weight and feeling great and who knows...I may be a size 10 or smaller next summer....and her response to me was, wow...that would be bad.

UH WHAT????

What was that supposed to mean???

So I said...nooooo, it would be great. And she said "well, I mean bad for me...once you get that samll I am really going to have to try and lose weight!!!" (she's a size 12 or 14)

SO what am I...the tool by which all the women I know use to feel better about themselves??? Well all I can say is..you better find something else to use to feel good about yourselves...because pretty soon I will be awesome...thin, healthy and look great...and you can no longer use me!

I knew I was right all along...but no one ever let their guard down enough for me to confirm it...so there it is....

KarenInKali · 09-07-2007, 05:52 PM

wow! All out in black and white, huh? LOL, my 13 yr old dd says I can't be skinnier than her. I told her that she will just have to exercise with me. In her defense, she *has* lost about 15 pounds over the last year, but is still mid 160's and 5'8". She has a very athletic build, and is very self-conscious about herself.

I can think of a few family members and friends who this would apply to when I finally get to have surgery and start losing also. Like you said, they won't say it, but you know they're thinkin it!

porshh951 · 09-07-2007, 06:56 PM

The truth is no one wants to hear about your successes. Yes they may be happy for you but, thats about as far as it go's More often than not its envy and jealously. It go's beyong women too men are the same to some degree. I've got guy friends who are all about health and fitness now that I am too and make comments about it. When we are out eating and stuff. "i've gotta keep up with john these days" ect.

it happens

Hunnyblonde · 09-07-2007, 07:06 PM

My mother-in-law has never been shy with her feelings about me getting smaller than her. She comes right out and says that I should stop losing so I won't be smaller than her. She tries to pass it off as a joke and to some degree she probably is joking, but I think there's some truth to it too. Too bad I'm already in 6s and 8s and she's not!

Debz · 09-07-2007, 07:29 PM

I call this DUFF (designated ugly fat friend) syndrome. It's like being the fat girl at the dance....her purpose is to make everyone else look better. It sucks, but it's true. I've decided the only solution for me is to rise above it.

If I've been someones DUFF, and our relationship changes as my body size changes, then they weren't really my friend anyway. I can see it happening already. My best friend, who is skinny as a rail is proud of me and can't wait for me to be hot right along side of her. But some of my other friends are piping up with " doing it the easy way" comments. I'm letting them slide for the moment...but an evaluation will be forthcoming.

In the end, we have to forgive people for their short comings. If my not so supportive friends can adjust as I change, I can forgive them their pettiness. Hell, it's not like I've never been petty. Truth be told, there were times when I was pre-op that it was so damn hard to log into TT and see yet another person say they had a date. I was jealous.

If, however, my friends can't see me anymore as the person I am....I guess I'll be looking for new friends. Only time will tell...

Gina in NY · 09-07-2007, 07:53 PM

I've gone from being the fat sister, to the thinner sister.
Fat daughter to thinner daughter.
Fat wife to thinner wife.
Fat friend to thinner friend.

Every single one of the people who loves me has had to adjust. My mom and sister love me so much, are so supportive, but it is STILL hard for them. It still changes the balance of things. At my mom's house a couple weeks ago, I was the only person wearing a two piece suit, and I looked good. I know how it made them feel. It used to be me feeling that way. But what to do?

My best friend at work actually broke down crying a couple months ago when I talked about trying to get to a size 8. She is a 10. She sat and cried that she has tried so hard to lose the weight, but just can't get there, she'll never be an 8. What was I to say?

I know it hurts them. It is a sort of jealousy - but these are people who really love me, and want me to succeed. It is just so damn hard for them. They don't wish me a shred of ill, they want only the best for me, but it changes their place in our social fabric.

My husband now weighs 100 pounds more than me. I weighed more than him for the past 19 years. It is really hard for people that love us. People that don't can just walk away. It is the people that stay that are really making the adjustments. Poor things. I don't feel badly, but I do feel for them.

jessicaQT · 09-08-2007, 05:56 AM

oh man i was definitely the DUFF the last time i went dancing with my tiny friends, So i don't do that anymore. which is sad becuase i love to dance but now i feel so akward. i can't wait till that self consciousness is gone!

janine · 09-11-2007, 11:30 AM

hmm... Very interesting... I am a duff and I've always known it. I've lost alot of friends because of it. I also have moved away from my family because of it. I just can't get over how people in my life have judged me because of my weight. I have a sister that has put me in that position while she is fit and slim, she has tried to shame me into loosing weight and yet uses me in family settings to set herself above me. I have long since not spoken to her. I don't want to be used anymore... looking forward to having the surgery but don't want or need the compitition. I have a few friends now that are genuin.

And a great husband to boot!

kellyinvirginia · 09-11-2007, 02:07 PM

I can relate as well!!! As soon as I got approved my lil sis (whom I love dearly and we are very close) actually told me that she was joining weight watchers because there is no way I was going get thinner than she is! She is cute as she can be and DID lose down to like a 4 or something. I am proud of her and I am glad she did it for her health. But I can't help but feel that those kinds of comments are tacky. Speaking of tacky, my "not so sweet" older was being rude one day when my son was only a few months old and made a rude comment about my weight. The tackiest part was what I said back: Yeah, I AM FAT. I AM FAT. I KNOW IT. YOU KNOW IT. AND EVERYONE WHO LOOKS AT ME KNOWS IT. BUT NO MATTER HOW FAT I AM OR HOW FAT I GET I WILL [u]ALWAYS[u] BE PRETTIER AND YOUNGER THAN YOU!

how childish is that? i like to blame it on the hormones. i must be terrible because when i think about the look on her face, i STILL chuckle to myself!

shame on me.

Dayanara · 09-11-2007, 02:29 PM

I am really hoping I do not run into this. I doubt I will with my family, since they are all large and know what it feels like to want to loose the weight.

As for my friends, I really really hope it doesn't happen. They are all behind me 100% and helping me through the process right now and I really hope it stays that way. My friends mean the world to me.