...Let's see. I have been seeing one therapist or another for nearly 30 years now. In 1998 I had an "ultimate" depression (DP) incident and was hospitalized to get an idea of what meds will work and what won't and why. I share my experiences and opinions freely, and no one should take my opinions as gospel.
1. Make sure that you are not taking any sort of timed or extended release AD (antidepressant) as you will not get good coverage due to malabsorption.
2. There are many different kinds of DP that are accompanied by specific demons such as panic, anxiety, OCD, paranoia. Be up front with your caregiver and trust them by telling them all about your feelings. One med could do what 5 others can't. There are also 2 main different "breeds" of depression--situational and chemical. The differences are fairly easy to determine. I have been blessed with both kinds, and am by no means alone. With the way the world is these days, if you're not bummed out seriously by what is happening around you, I would be concerned.
3. Some AD meds do make you gain weight. Doesn't matter if your post GBS or not, male, female, or bovine.....Paxil is one, I don't fersher know of any others, but I bet you all do. The same thing is true of sex drive.
Lexapro, Zoloft are 2, but again, I know there are more.
4. Having untreated DP and not talking to anyone about it gets real ugly after awhile and can destroy relationships and split families up. People take YOUR personal hell and the fact that you cannot tolerate it any more very personally. I lost friends that I had had for 8-15 years! It cuts really deep and takes years to heal. The scar that remains repels trust and taints every subsequent relationship. The ultimate sense of betrayal is that you can no longer trust even your own self. The internal messages of anyone that has seriously ever tried to kill themselves are beyond the pale. My advice is to do (or not do) whatever it takes to avoid this kind of scar.
5. The judgemental looks and distancing on the part of friends is very similar to the above. People are too busy to talk on the phone, they're booked solid and can't get together for months, and what you've done puts you in a class apart from them. They figure there is nothing whatsoever they can do to help you, don't want to deal with your pain and issues, and plain old just don't want to be around a "buzz kill." This hurts, except for....
6. The only way I know of beng able to hang on is distancing myself as far away from any intervention as I can, as I don't want to "inflict" my drama on anyone else. The Distancing is baaaaaad, though, especially since you're already pissed as hell at yourself, and mistrustful, and in unfathomable spiritual, mental, and physical pain. The feeling of isolation oozes out of every pore and precedes every thought.
7. ADs do NOT make your problems go away, and don't turn you into someone else. If you have a specific depresser or chemical out of whack, ADs don't change that. What they change is how it affects us. A therapist described it as giving you the equivalent of a really good night's sleep so that you can make better decisions and be less overwrought. They won't "turn you into a zombie", and if they DO make you feel that way or dizzy and light headed, it is NOT the AD for you. The first one my doc tried on me was Serzone, and LITERALLY, every time I stopped waking for 5 minutes, I was falling asleep. We got rid of that one real quick.
8. If you were on a pill regimen prior to GBS, you may be able to reduce what you take, ultimately cut it out altogether (situational!), OR need to be reevaluated to ensure that what you are taking is appropriate for the "new you." Some meds have really nasty side effects if they are overdosed. I had great results being on Welbutrin and Celexa for
years until the day that I had a seizure due to my dosage being appropriate for somone who weighed twice as much as me. It brought on hassles that you'd never think of.
9. It really is worth the work. You have to get in touch with your head, and it takes a while to get the right dose and kind, but in the long run it really does improve life enough to make the work worth it.
10. There is NO shame in admitting you are depressed and seeking medical treatment for it. You have a treatable illness that has no impact on our lives when it is well controlled, but can be a real pisser if we attempt to ignore it. I think of it like having diabetes. If you take the meds, do the activity, eat healthy, and stay in touch with your body, you're just fine.
I hope you all don't think I'm being preachy or anything. I just thought I would set down my thoughts in writing, getting a handle on somethng I have needed to organize in my own brain for years. I welcome any opinions, suggestions, ideas. Share your experience! Talking about it takes away its power.
Van
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