FEAR...HOW do you Deal with it? - Page 2 - ThinnerTimes

Zenomia · 08-03-2007, 07:31 PM

Lisa, Gina, Jenn, everyone...thank you so much!! It's nice to know, I am not alone and that there are things I can do to deal with it. I admit, I am being very general in what it is I am afraid of, and Lisa your right...I need to narrow it down some. I knew you would say the right things Lisa...you usually do! Luv ya!!

Gina ~ Your right. Facing it is hard, but I am doing it. Every day I have gotten my arse back on that bike and today is the first time I didn't lay it down. I also started telling myself "You are stronger than that person, you could run faster than that person, LOOK confident". These things help you feel that way as well. Appreciate your words darlin'!!

Trina sweetie...your an angel! I wish I had half the gumption you have!!

Linda ~ I really hate the thought of therapy...I mean HATE IT. Which is why I am posting here, and trying to reason it out with the help of everyone else here. I realize your probably right, but I am classically going to try and avoid that route for as long as I can. I promise though if it comes to me not leaving my house because of debilitating fear...then I will definitely seek out some professional help. Until then though, my stapler family will just have to put up with me being a big chicken! BOCK-BOCK!

lealphachienne · 08-03-2007, 10:03 PM

As it was previously mentioned, fear masks what you're really don't want to see about yourself. Fear is a cover up. The fears are linked to something in your past that you don't want to deal with. To unmask it, it requires first being aware of what it is doing to you. What is the impact it has on you. What feelings come up. Embrace those feelings and let yourself experience the feelings...not run away from them.

Then, you look at what the impact of you being afraid has on others. When you are afraid, what is it doing to other people? Once you get that, you start to see what you're really covering up.

sdgrrl · 08-04-2007, 01:05 AM

This is one of the most interesting threads I've seen posted in a long while. Not only is the subject interesting, but your posts all reflect the wonderful, unique-ness of us all. I agree wholeheartedly that we have all put our fat coats on to protect some deepdown squishy part of ourselves, and that part is different for each of us, thus making it hard to incorporate a standard operating procedure for ridding our psyches of our particular demons. I'm sure we could commiserate and come up with several main groups of topics that we fear, but again, we all have a unique twist on how, where, why that fear grips us.

Gina, you speak well of the gender differences in how we handle fear, rage, pain, etc. I find it interesting from the standpoint that I had a psychiatrist who told me that ANGER is always a coverup for some other emotion, such as pain, loneliness, fear...not too surprising that he was a man. Another therapist spoke of panic attacks, and how debilitating they can be--sort of like fear on steroids. That therapist suggested that panic was fear of the fear--taking the emotional to the physical. He suggested that we disarm the panic by slowing our breathing, slowing our thoughts, and "inviting our fear to come in, sit awhile, and have a cup of tea." His idea was that by facing our panic as a separate entity from our fear, we could gain insight into our fear and thus reduce its power over us.

This topic is so fascinating and so personal that no one can really offer up a "cure" for our fear, but we all HAVE to figure out a way to co-exist with that which frightens us. We used to eat it away. That door is shut, now what do we do? As women, we are taught that we must never hit--strike out at our fears. Men are taught that they simply cannot cry if they are afraid. These core lessons are flawed from the start and set us up to fail ourselves from infancy. Why do some choose to eat to protect/allay/hide from our fear and pain? What makes others become physically abusive to stave off our demons? What about the people who respond to their fear by being waaaay too nice and "good"? And how do we all name, change, and defeat these monsters in our waking nightmares? Gawd, I wish I could answer even one of these questions! Does anyone have a better handle on it, the ability to share it? Is this how we help ourselves--posting these raw emotions of ours and hoping we can all figure out how to put our own humpty-dumpties back together again?

Boy, Zen, Dear, you really hit a big one, Grrl! Kudos to you for having the strength to say you have fear! Kudos to all of us who have dared to unzip our protective fat coats and say, "here we are--you will not frighten us in this way again!"

sdgrrl · 08-04-2007, 01:52 PM

This got lost in the morning shuffle, so I thought I'd bump it up. It's a good topic and an important one!

Linda58 · 08-04-2007, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Zenomia

Lisa, Gina, Jenn, everyone...thank you so much!! It's nice to know, I am not alone and that there are things I can do to deal with it. I admit, I am being very general in what it is I am afraid of, and Lisa your right...I need to narrow it down some. I knew you would say the right things Lisa...you usually do! Luv ya!!

Gina ~ Your right. Facing it is hard, but I am doing it. Every day I have gotten my arse back on that bike and today is the first time I didn't lay it down. I also started telling myself "You are stronger than that person, you could run faster than that person, LOOK confident". These things help you feel that way as well. Appreciate your words darlin'!!

Trina sweetie...your an angel! I wish I had half the gumption you have!!

Linda ~ I really hate the thought of therapy...I mean HATE IT. Which is why I am posting here, and trying to reason it out with the help of everyone else here. I realize your probably right, but I am classically going to try and avoid that route for as long as I can. I promise though if it comes to me not leaving my house because of debilitating fear...then I will definitely seek out some professional help. Until then though, my stapler family will just have to put up with me being a big chicken! BOCK-BOCK!

Zen, I understand that you need to find your own way to deal with the fear. We can just share our experiences with it. The main thing is that you don't give up on it. Keep trying different things. Keep asking questions and listening to what other have tried. If you don't give up, you will find the way. If you have any spiritual practice, turn to that. Keep posting on here, keep talking it out.

Zenomia · 08-04-2007, 07:40 PM

You all are wonderful. Donna!!! Can I bottle you and keep you on my shelf? Your view just makes me feel so much...bigger... I wub U!!! Michelle is a damn lucky girl!!

Thanks everyone!!! For everything. I won't say I have fixed my issue, but I will say, I conquered my fear of the motorcycle. I had my first class today and it was a huge success. In my eyes, that means I didn't lay the bike down!! LOL!! Actually, I feel 75% better, I am still scared, but it's a healthy fear, not the debilitating kind that makes me freeze! So that is ONE thing that I have managed..not fixed mind you...but Managed. ALL THANKS TO YOU LOVELY WOMEN ON TT!!!!!! See, no shrink needed!!! LOL!!

Linda58 ~ Thanks. Your right, talking helps, hashing it out helps, hearing and following various ideas help. In all that, I find I have all the help I need right here!!!

I still am afraid, but like Lisa Said, at least it isn't an unhealthy fear. I have something to work with now. I have direction that I didn't' have before, (thanks Marie and Lisa!!), I have friends to lean on...(Gina, Donna, everyone!!)..your support has been amazing and your responses genuine! I appreciate that. Posting something like this is hard, living it is worse, but such is life!!! Honestly, it makes things easier knowing I have a support system all across the country who can advise me. It's nice having more than ONE brain to think with!! WUV YOU ALL!!!!!

A wee bit happy, possibly tipsy...just a smidgen nostalgic!

sdgrrl · 08-04-2007, 11:57 PM

I wub you, too, my statuesque fellow Iowan. (Since I bore my first child in Iowa City, I get to say I am a former Iowan. Plus I have great respect for you salt of the earth types!)

Does naming it put fear in it's place? Just as it's harder to hate a lesbian if you know one, perhaps calling out our fears takes some of their power away. Maybe we should do one of our lists and call out our fears! I fear:

Pain
Gaining my weight back
My sick and twisted government
Nuclear holocaust, Holocausts of any stripe
People who claim to be "devout" (insert religion of choice here)
Not being good enough
Poverty, although I don't know why, we have been roommates since the 70's!
Being a burden on anyone, loss of independence
Betrayal by friends
SPIDERS

There's 10 to start with....I know I have more rumbling around in my gut, but it's a start. What are YOU ALL afraid of?

LisaM · 08-05-2007, 05:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sdgrrl

This topic is so fascinating and so personal that no one can really offer up a "cure" for our fear, but we all HAVE to figure out a way to co-exist with that which frightens us. We used to eat it away. That door is shut, now what do we do?

And that, more than anything else is the key--our single, solitary coping tool is fat--we hid everything under there. Angry? Eat something... Happy? Eat lots of stuff while celebrating with other people. Sad? Eat something... Scared? Well, just eat something else. Nobody wants to rape or murder or even tickle a fat woman, right... ?

I'm just beginning to see that eating was the way I coped with EVERYthing. I'm learning to cry when I'm hurt, laugh when I'm happy, and throw up my middle finger and tell the world to take a running jump up my butt when I'm scared. That, I think, is the key. We have no emotional response prepared for fear... the only one that comes to mind is the boy in Home Alone, or Edvard Munch's Scream for those who didn't see Scary Movie:

.

So there's the question--what's the emotional response for fear other than having the heebie-jeebies? What makes us feel better when we're scared? Oh, and to put my fears out there for Donna's list. What I'm scared of:

Swimming in the ocean--things touch me, like seaweed or something, and I just freaking levitate.
Unreasonably and/or violently intolerant groups (jihadist Muslims come to mind...).
Being so poor I can't afford to buy toilet paper--I always buy ahead...

.
Riding on motorcycles (as mentioned before).
Surprise bugs. I don't mind bugs if they don't startle me.
Being surprised in the shower--nothing makes me scream like that. Shoulda never seen Psycho.
The death of the people I love. I've learned I can survive it. Doesn't mean I don't fear it.

That's all I can think of for now, I'm sure y'all will come up with some other ones that I have, as well. I'll hold my hand up and confess to 'em if you do.

CeeCee · 08-05-2007, 07:35 AM

Top Ten Fears...wow, gave me a lot of thought...#1 may send me to counseling...

1- There seems to be a hole left by food. Shopping filled it for a little while. I've filled that hole with alcohol too. I'm afraid of the hole...

2- People will find out I'm not as nice, or as smart, as they think I am.

3- I'm afraid I'll screw up this chance at a healthy, extended life. Yup, I'm one of the ones who thinks she'll fail as a GBS patient.

4- I'm afraid something will happen to Henri and I'll be alone.

5- Wasps, yellowjackets, white-faced hornets. If there's one in the room, don't get between me and the exit, I'll trample right over you!

6- Snorkeling in weeds, seaweed. Freaks me out!

7- Being buried alive... wierd, I know. Just make sure I'm embalmed- then I would have to be dead, right?

8- Being considered a rube, a hick, poh' white trash... we were kind of poor growing up, but were always taught our manners, were always clean and fed, but childhood memories...

9- Extremists of any type: extreme politicos, extreme religious, extremely perky (what are they hiding?)

10- I'm afraid that I will become so complacent that I won't stand up to the extremists of the world.

Phoenixfire · 08-05-2007, 05:47 PM

If someone else suggested this, that's cool (I usually don't read responses on some threads before I reply, so pardon a repeat if that happens.)

Suggestion to fix it? Find and do something that makes you swell up with confidence. Something that grows cojones for you. Something that makes you feel good about that little body that seems not big enough. Confidence building. Self-accepting.

For me it was learning lampworking (using a torch to melt glass and create glass beads.) I got into it hot and heavy, and it grew my sense of accomplishment. It had nothing to do with my body, it wasn't exercise (which some do) but it was self-esteem building. it was VERY HEALING in ways I couldn't have imagined when I started it. I look back now and it was a KEY to facing just what you're facing.

You'll find your zen (pun intended) Find something you're very interested in learning, a new skill, and do it.