Found a cool article - ThinnerTimes

bridgetgirl · 02-07-2005, 10:02 AM

This is a very good read regardless if your married or single!
Its worth the read!

If you spend a lot of time wondering if you'll ever find that special relationship, stop. Instead, think about the millions of married people who wake up each day wishing they had made a different choice. Difficult as it may be, your longing beats their regret, especially if you use your time alone productively.
According to a recent survey, nearly 15 percent of Americans say their biggest regret in life involves a love relationship. Of those, more than half say they would choose a different mate or dump a former love sooner if they could change their past. More than a third of those who would have chosen a different mate are married, and half have children living at home.
The statistics are startling and point to bad romantic decision making and fantasizing on the part of both men and women. The reasons have become cliché: settling for the wrong person just because it's the right time; hoping to change someone into what you want them to be; not having the foresight to choose someone who can grow and change alongside you; wishfully believing that some magical, transformational person is waiting around the corner to whisk you to your exciting new life. The list is endless and at its core is the need to find someone -- anyone -- to be with, at least until someone better comes along.
Work on yourself
If you're alone right now, there's a healthier way of thinking that will better prepare you to make fulfilling romantic choices. It involves working on yourself and letting the rest take care of itself. It's based on four key principles:
1. Confront your fear of being alone. Do whatever it takes -- talk to friends, exercise, read self-help books, go to therapy, do volunteer work -- to know it's okay to be alone. Live your life doing the things you love and you'll find compatible love interests while you're doing those things. Forget "you complete me." It's a tear-jerking movie line that has no practical application in life. Besides, who do you want to be with -- half a person or someone with whom you share in common a sense of self-fulfillment and connection?
2. Believe you are the prize. Live as if a great relationship is coming your way and it will find you. Quality people are attracted to confidence, not neediness.
3. Improve your dumping skills. Do an inventory and get rid of all the negative influences in your life. Tops on your dumping list should be toxic friends. It's good practice for future dating so you don't waste time with people who aren't good for you.

4. Look at reality and not fantasy. Especially on a first date, listen carefully to what the other side of the table is saying. People are less defended on first dates because they're not sure yet what the other person is looking for and there's less at stake emotionally. Whether it's the first or fifth date, in their words and actions, the people you're with tell you exactly who they are all the time. All you have to do is watch, listen and accept what's being presented to you.

Next steps
If you've mastered these principles and are looking for a relationship, there are two ways to go: date a lot of people or wait for someone you think could be "the one." It can be painful, but frequent dating is your best choice for a host of reasons. Being out there keeps your skills sharp and helps you develop a more discerning eye toward who's actually right for you. It may also test and expand your concepts of who is right for you. Waiting around simply diminishes your opportunities and dulls your charm.

At the end of the day, finding the right relationship is all about you. The better you know and believe in yourself, the better prepared you will be to make smart choices in love and never settle.

Christina · 02-07-2005, 01:20 PM

Bridget,

That was a cool article. I've had some pretty bad relationships in the past, some I probably should have gotten out of a lot sooner than I did. However, I do not have any regrets about them. The reason is because all that I went through in those crappy relationships made me stronger, and made me who I am today. Not only that it makes me appreciate so much more how wonderful my life is now with Stuart. It really makes me see how wonderful he is, well that experience and just being with him as well. I am one lucky girl, that's for sure!!!

Americanwoman397 · 02-07-2005, 01:29 PM

Thanks Bridge that makes a lot of sense and gives me some thinking to do.

bridgetgirl · 02-07-2005, 01:37 PM

Im glad you like it.. I printed a copy for myself as well.... awesone for you Christina appreciating Stuart they way you do, thats rad... Tonya, for you and me sugar pea its just a matter of time..... its not really that bad being alone I guess... even though I would rather have a set of warm arms (grown man arms) around me...... in due time, it will happen, in due time!

sandi · 02-07-2005, 06:33 PM

Believe me when I tell you what I'm about to type! After being married to the wrong man for 4 months short of 30 years, to finally being married to the RIGHT man now for almost 5, the difference is so amazing!! To be treated like a queen at every moment of the day, whether before surgery or after, whether I was weighing in at my pre-surgery weight of 422, or on my way down to 150ish, John loves me for me, he says he "fell in love with what was on the inside first", to him, that was what was most important, too bad, more men aren't like him!!
You have to love yourselves too, be proud of who you are, now, and always!!! You're awesome human beings! "God don't make no junk"
The right man or woman will come along when you least expect him or her, just like mine did! I had already told SO many people, "If I ever get rid of this one, I'll NEVER have another one, God will have to take me by the shoulders and shake me, and say, THIS ONE IS THE ONE FOR YOU SANDI!!"....
*insert thundering voice here* Well, He did just that when John came into my life!! He put me where He wanted me to be, in the middle of nowhere, Kansas of all places, so that I would meet John and end up here, so that I could find Dr. Callery and then all of you, the most incredible friends anyone could ever have.... All I can say is, "Thank you God for all of this"....
I love you all, hang in there, your day is comin'!

Now, to find "that" box!!!!

HAMPTON5555 · 02-07-2005, 09:25 PM

Bridget,

Great article,

It is so true that we have to accept ourselves first.

I have been married for a really long time My man has loved me in all the sizes and shapes I have been in the last 20 somethng years.

But the one thing he has never had tolerance for was when I would speak down about myself.

It was hard to do, but even at 296 #'s his total acceptance of me made me look at myself for the person I am inside and I could find beauty in my outside.

Not everyone has someone to force tham to see the true self. For all the people who spend, or should I say, waste their time bashing themselves....it is time to stop.

What ever our size, we are worth being loved and loving back!!!

Rain

p.s. about improving our dumping skills....are you sure about that?? L.O.L.