I need some advice - ThinnerTimes

agonzalesjoy · 05-21-2007, 06:04 AM

Hi I just wanted to get some advice on a little issue me and my husband are having. My husband is against me having the surgery, and he said he will not give me the support I am looking for. I tried to tell him that he doesn't understand how it is to be in this body. He told me that I am just trying to get a quick fix and that I am taking the easy way out. He says what if something happens and I die or get really sick. But I am so stuck on having the surgery, I know I am being stubborn, I don't want to give in to what he is saying. I still want to have it, knowing the risks and all. Please give advice hopefully someone has been through this same thing.

hello kitty · 05-21-2007, 06:59 AM

While I can't share the same exact experience... one thing that I would definitely suggest is that you do your research...LOTS of research... print out statistics, articles, anything else you can find. The risk of complications or death has gone WAY down in the past couple years, especially with the introduction of the laproscopic procedures. Give all this information to your husband, and sit and talk with him about the real possibilities of anything serious happening to you.

The next thing that came to my mind besides the obvious fear of complications from your surgery is that maybe he's also scared that you two won't be the same afterwards...once you're a skinny minny.

Is he heavy himself and maybe he's jealous??

I think a heart to heart talk with him is the best solution...just take your research with you, and try to help him understand how much you want this for yourself...and for your family. The surgery isn't only to make you skinny, but to make you HEALTHY.. and by doing that, you'll be extending your life with your family, and with him.

Bypassingme619 · 05-21-2007, 07:44 AM

Well if your health is affecting your everyday way of living then it is time to make a change. Have you asked your husband what is it about the surgery he is just not willing to support? Have you tried to make your husband part of your journey? Take him to www.obesityhelp.com and show him the before and afters. It is important for him to understand the risks as well but know that this is something you want for yourself so you two can better your livs together. I hope things work out for you.

agonzalesjoy · 05-21-2007, 07:57 AM

Thank you for answering back. I am scared too. And he says I haven't tried everything else that I can, but I have tried so many diets and I usually gain all the weight back within months. I want something that will be permanent. Also I am getting the surgery done for free, and I am afraid if I back out, and I stay heavy, that I will regret not having it, and may not get another opportunity in the future. Also I am fairly healthy right now, and I am afraid if I wait, then I will get diabetes or something as I get older and then I may not get an opportunity then for the surgery. I don't want him to talk me out of this. I am going to just keep pressing on I guess, and he will just have to deal with it.

paige52 · 05-21-2007, 08:18 AM

Have you tried everything? What is your BMI? How long have you been overweight?

I"m asking becasue I wnat you to be sure that this isn't a "quick fix" or "magic bullet" you are looking for. Becasue it's free right now is not a good reason to have major surgery......

Sorry I don't mean to sound harsh but if you are healthy now, besides the weight, make sure you are well educated about the possible complications because if you end up with them and don't have support it could be hell for you.

Also I'd suggest a few sessions with a counselor to make sure the "real" reasons he doesn't support you doing this surgery are on the table and can be dealt with.

At first my husband wasn't thrilled with the idea of surgery and now he is scheduled for one himself on June 7th. Plus with all the complication I've had, without his support, I would have been screwed both emotionally and physically.

In the end, if you know tis surgery is right for you, then do it. You know your body better than anyone else and youw ill make the right decision for you.

Jeanie · 05-21-2007, 12:14 PM

Send a PM to watergirl. She went thru a lot with her husband and having GBS. She did do it and everything is great for them. In fact their Marriage got better!

lward76 · 05-21-2007, 01:28 PM

Hi, well my 2 cents is this! First of all it is not a easy way out by all means it is really just a big tool to help you, you have to be ready for a huge lifestyle change in eating!!! I am 5'1 and started at somewhere at 218-216 pre op but i did this for me and my son and my pour back,! I too have dieted for a long time and did the whole phentermine and lost about 50-60 pounds and gained back alot more

, when i found out medicare would pay for my surgery i looked into it more and went to a couple of support groups in st.louis and narrowed my surgeon down to Dr.Eagon in Barnes Hospital in st.louis ....now my husband was very against me having this surgery and so was my son who is 14, at first I thought we were gonna split because of it and my mom the "therapist" that she thinks she is sat us down and it really came down to his own insucurites...i reminded him how much that i love him and that i am so tired of being heavy to where i cant walk more than 5 min without resting, and also for my health, well we kept on and on about this all the way up to my week of surgery and he sat me down and told me that he would stand by me 100% and when he told me that i melted like a hershey's kiss!! i loved him even more!!! me and johnny have been together since 9th grade and he is still very cute and built

......i think you really need to talk to him more about it and reassure him that you do love him and that your doing this for you, because it will be all about you!!! But still do research go to meetings ask lots of questions!! And you need to know and so does he this is not an easy fix, this is still very hard for me at almost 6weeks out, but gets easier day by day and thats all i can do is take it day by day!! Good Luck to you!! Laura

agonzalesjoy · 05-21-2007, 02:28 PM

Thank all of you for your advice.. I am 260 lbs right now, I am 5'4" tall and have been heavy for 15 YEARS now. I have tried Phentermine and weight watchers and metabolife and other ways I'd rather not say. I am so heavy right now that when I do lose 50 lbs, it takes so long and the second I screw up, I gain it back in a few months. I am just sick over myself. I have tried other tools that just don't work for me. That is why I am resorting to a more permanent procedure. I have read so much about this procedure, and I am very confident with my Surgeon, he has been on Discovery Health Channel, and ran a program on it. Also their is a 13 week T.V. series starting on May 28 on the Discovery Health Channel and the surgeons are my surgeons collegues. I work for the Methodist Hospital In Houston, and I trust this hospital. I believe I am pretty healthy, so I am praying that I won't have any problems. I don't say it won't happen to me, because anything can happen to anyone. I know I need to pray about it and ask God to take me out of this situation if it is not right. But everything else seems right. Thanks for listening

Baron Patrick · 05-21-2007, 02:45 PM

Hi Amber;

Education is the best way to go. Bring DH to the hospital with you on your appointments, and get him educated about the procedure. The more he knows and understands about the procedure, the more comfortable he will be with your decision. If it's more emotional, then you two may need to see a counselor.

You remind us you are healthy, but tired obese. Do you want the surgery for asthetic reasons (to become thin and attractive), or do you really want this for health reasons. You need to really give yourself an honest answer. If it's for health reasons (which is why we all on the forum have had the surgery), then go for it, but it not, please reconsider. This is not just a surgery, it's a total, and complete lifestyle change. Once done, you can't change your mind and "go back".

I'm not trying to discourage you, but want you to think about this long and hard. I understand having this free from good doctors is an absolute plus, but you need to honestly answer the "why" question.

By the way, is DH obese also?

lward76 · 05-21-2007, 03:21 PM

AHHH Patrick you reminded me that also did help I did take my husband with me to my support group and to talk to my surgeon and that too did help alot!! Since he is not obese he understood alot more!!