I need some advice - Page 2 - ThinnerTimes

agonzalesjoy · 05-21-2007, 06:09 PM

As far as health reasons go, I have the beginning of arthritis in my back, and the doctor told me that this is from being overweight, and I also have alot of pain in my left leg, and I know this is because of my weight, because when I lost 50 lbs, It stopped hurting. I have borderline high blood pressure too. When I say I am healthy, I mean I don't have diabetes yet, and I am able to walk around really good. But I really want the surgery now, so I can hopefully prevent any of these things from happening. I am 31, so I figure I am still young enough that the surgery won't be as risky. My husband is overweight, mainly in the middle section. He can lose weight fairly easy, if he exercizes. I on the other hand am not that fortunate. Thank you all for your advice it is really helping me to put things in perspective. I look forward to more input.

hello kitty · 05-21-2007, 07:29 PM

To be honest, prevention was my main motivation as well. I'm young, yes I'm overweight, but I've never had high blood pressure, sleep apnea, diabetes, etc... the only problems I was beginning to have were swollen feet/ankles/legs and some knee/hip pain occasionally (which I might add have ALL DISAPPEARED IN THE LAST MONTH!!!)

For me, prevention was just as important as fixing... I knew that if I didn't take this step now, when I was young and could heal and be active, that in 10 years I would have all of those things...and that is somewhere in my life that I did not want to be.

I wish you the best of luck with your endeavor to talk your husband into supporting you... Fortunately, when I asked my hubby if he would support me after the huge decision to have the surgery, he just said "Sure..I've supported all your other ideas, right??" LOL

agonzalesjoy · 05-21-2007, 09:22 PM

Thank you, I really appreciate your advice. I have been feeling very positive about all this, until my hubby started telling me how he feels. It is ultimately my decision, I just wish he would change his mind. Talk to ya soon.

kittens4 · 05-22-2007, 07:51 AM

Amber, you are the same weight I was when I started considering the surgery. I did try other things, many times, many ways, for many years. My husband was surprised when I told him I wanted the surgery, but after going to the seminar, he was at ease. Still, your husband is right, there can be major complications, and you have to consider this. For me, my children are grown, 22 and 24. I went in feeling happy, healthy, and did great for the 1st week, then developed an obstruction,spent 7 days in the hospital on nothing but iv fluids, then had to have a 2nd surgery. Spent a few more days in the hospital, went home, and was re-admitted 3 days later with no breath sounds in my left lung! Pneumonia had set in! Spent another 7 days in the hospital, and another month at home on oxygen 24/7! So, just to re-cap, I was off work for 2 months and 2 weeks! I only planned on being out a week! Thank God for savings and donated pto or I'd be living under a bridge! My husband was very supportive through it all, but also very worried! I had a lot of regret and tears that first month or so. I hated putting him through that, and myself! I couldn't have made it through without him! I really thought I'd made a HUGE mistake. Even though I was 260 (230 by surgery date), I was never sick! This was really bad! Amazingly, I did recover, and am feeling great today! I have no regrets now..but that's because I'm thinner and able to eat pretty much anything in small doses with no discomfort! There are many on the forum who aren't as lucky. I have a friend who had the surgery who has a feeding tube in her stomach right now, and has had 3 surgeries since her original one, which was last May! Many people can't eat solids. You should check out Donna's story on here. She's been through hell and is still struggling. Some people do fine, and others develop complications 1 year out, 2 years out...ya just don't know! It's a crap shoot! I'm not trying to scare you, but I just want you to be aware. It's a MAJOR decision. Life changing in so many ways. I thought I was prepared when I had the surgery, but no, I wasn't! You never think complications will happen to you!

Sorry for the long post! Take care and keep us posted!

Claire-in-Texas · 05-26-2007, 03:46 PM

Involving my husband in every single aspect of the process has made a huge believer out of him. He is a skeptic by nature, but WLS was suggested to me (with him present) by a pain management specialist who just couldn't help me with my back pain unless I lost a lot of weight. The very next day I made arrangements for us to go to an educational meeting, which absolutely blew his mind. He helped me decide whether Band or GB (we decided on GB), and he has gone to every appointment ever since. It makes a difference when the spouse is involved. I hope this helps. I hear your pain.

sweetchristiangal · 05-26-2007, 08:31 PM

There could be more to his refusal to listen than meets the eye..yes health and complications are huge issues not to be taken lightly. However perhaps he is feeling insecure that you may change or upgrade to a new boy toy? Maybe he is scared of the attention you will recieve? Or perhaps you are the "strong one" and having you incapacitated may worry him that he will have to do what you do any will fail?

Gina in NY · 05-27-2007, 07:41 AM

If someone else has said this, please excuse the repeat, but if you don't lose the weight, your husband's fears will be fact. You will get sick and you will die early if you stay morbidly obese. That is a fact. Sure there are risks to surgery, but let me tell you - this is no easy way out.

Success after surgery is based on diet and exercise. Without surgery, diet and exercise - so what is the difference? The surgery is not some amazing miracle-everything is perfect-no more struggle type of thing we'd like it to be, but it is an amazingly effective tool. It keeps you from eating too much - for a while.

The period after surgery, when you can't really eat much and are struggling to get enough protein and fluids in is when you learn to readjust how you eat. A year later, you may be able to eat a lot more (though not like you can now) but some people have managed to gain their weight back. I'm not saying you will, but your commitment must be total. Don't get me wrong, when I wrote down all my diets, I had lost almost 500 pounds and had gained back over 600. I have NEVER been able to keep it off - and now - I can. I needed this tool.

My surgeon put it best when he said that the surgery does 20% of the work and you do the rest. It is true, but all I needed was 20%. If you can lose the weight, but can't keep it off, this may be right for you. But be sure you are ready to change your life. You will need to exercise every day if you want to keep it off. (I know there are some people who don't, but that is not the norm and in fact, those folks usually have become so active since their weight loss that they don't need to also go to the gym...)

Anyway - back to hubby. You know you'll have diabetes, you know you'll be in more and more pain. His fears for you having the surgery are the reality of you doing nothing.

It is NOT the easy way out - it is a life time commitment that makes what was impossible, possible - not easy.

The risks must be weighed against the risks of staying obese.

Good luck!

Claire-in-Texas · 05-27-2007, 09:08 AM

Gina, a very moving response that covers all the bases. Thank you for giving ME a gift today!

LyndasRoom · 05-27-2007, 10:35 AM

Hi Amber. Welcome.
My one regret is that I did not do this sooner!
Get your husband to an educational seminar ASAP!
He'll feel so much better about it when he is better informed.

Squishy · 05-27-2007, 11:06 AM

There is not much more I can say that the others have not said already, but I will emphasize that he needs to go to the appointments with you so that he begins to get the educations too. Education is the key. I felt the same way as him, but about myself. I had to overcome the idea that I was giving up on myself.

It was only through research that I learned that this was about as far from giving up as I could possibly go.

One final thought...my greatest regret is that I did not do the research sooner, because I would have had this procedure sooner. I am now 45 and had I done this at 30, I would have saved 15 years of abuse/damage to my body. My wife had ths surgery two weeks ago and previously, she has suffered from high blood pressure and diabetes too. This morning, her blood sugar was almost normal (It's only been two weeks since the surgery and she is already seeing health improvements.)

Also, at 30 years old, I know our skin was still a lot more elastic and would have snapped back much better than it will now at 45.

Best wishes in whatever you decide.
-Mike-