So, what are we anxious about? - ThinnerTimes

brutherford · 01-18-2005, 06:29 PM

Read the post "When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies" before answering this question... What are you currently anxious about that you use your body image as a cover for?

I'll get started:

My worry that I may make a bad choice (concerning men, money, career, relationships, family, etc.)
My anxiety that I may become "too sexually aggressive" (I fear that I may be more of a 'Samantha' than the 'Carrie' that it was acceptable for me to be.)
My current obsession with things that I can't have and that are bad for me (food and cigarettes).
My body, but not the way that we usually talk about... I'm afraid of wanting plastic surgery because I may get denied by insurance.

It's incredibly liberating to list these items out for everyone to see. I feel better right now than I have in the past few days... Anyone want to be brave and join me?

TabFox · 01-18-2005, 08:06 PM

Wow...this is tough, and makes me truly "think" about issues lurking inside my head.
I am anxious that I will never be satisfied with my body, even after all we've been through.
I'm anxious that if I talk about my weight loss, then others will see me as bragging.
I'm anxious that if I tell myself it's "ok" to have a snack, then I'm just giving myself permission to snack all the time, and I"ll regain all the weight.

Blah...it's horrible what actually does go on inside our heads at times.

Tabitha
Open 5/26/04
321/193/???

brutherford · 01-18-2005, 09:39 PM

Great job, Tabitha - those are all things that I worry about too. In fact, the permission to snack one is really hitting me hard right now because between quitting smoking, being PMS, and all of the other stressors in my life right now, snacking is my #1 demon. There's two things we want to think about:

Why do we have an "all or nothing" attitude? If you're anything like me, the all or nothing attitude has always revolved around weight loss - it's the same attitude that used to cause me to completely drop a diet as soon as I made one mistake. Can we have a snack today and not make it a habit? I guess that's for each one of us to figure out.
Sharing is cathartic - just the act of letting these fears see the light of day (sharing with others so publicly) releases a lot of the pent up energy and emotion around them. Talking about it is asking for help, and one of the first steps towards our recovery.

Thank you for posting, Tabitha. I really think that we can all help each other out with this stuff!

Americanwoman397 · 01-19-2005, 07:51 AM

OH my gosh girl you hit it all on the head with me.

I'm so afraid of snacking and getting back to my old habbits.
I feel like talking about my weight loss is wrong because I'm bragging.
Candy is around my office and I'm afraid one day I'm going to break down and have a piece.
I'm so afraid of becoming my family and there issuse with realtionship, marriage, and having kids.
I'm afraid of being in a healthy realtionship and not knowing how to deal with it.

watergirl · 01-19-2005, 08:04 AM

1. I'm so anxious of regaining the weight. I can only judge this by past failed diets. I know this isn't a diet, but will it become one?
2. I'm fearful and questioning my relationship with my spouse (nothing new for the past 5 years). What's it going to take?
3. I'm anxious about ever being satisfied with my body. When I was down 70 pounds with Fen-Phen and a size 2/4 I still saw myself as fat with a huge stomach. I was exercising for 2 hours every day. I was not satisfied.

brutherford · 01-19-2005, 08:30 AM

I'm so proud of you! Did you feel better at all by posting those fears for everyone to see? At the very minimum, we should all feel better to find out that we all have the same concerns - what's better than a ready-made support group that understands EXACTLY what we're going through? We all should take a moment to thank our lucky stars for one another and for Dr. Callery for including this forum and support groups as part of our care.

Tonya, I really am very proud of you for what you wrote - the relationship fears (repeating family history) is a big one for me too. The fact that you're aware of the cycles and are doing your best to break them is an amazing feat - just think about how many generations before you that got it wrong. You deserve HUGE praise for paying attention to this area of your life.

I wish I could give you a big hug! Smooches, B

brutherford · 01-19-2005, 09:01 AM

What can I say? I absolutely adore you!

You are so brave for posting your fears - particularly the marriage one. I completely identify with where you're at. I stayed in my marriage for a really long time even though I was unhappy, but I don't regret it because I really needed to be certain that I had done everything that I could before I could leave. I look at the past 12 years as being a wonderful experience for me, even with the alcoholism, emotional abuse, financial hardships, and self-destruction. I learned so much about myself in those 12 years - how could it be bad? Voicing your fears does not make you a bad wife and it doesn't mean that you don't love your husband - it means that you're being honest about concerns that you have and trying to work towards solutions.

I'm very proud of you, Kim. You are such a shining light to all of us because you love us no matter our flaws, you always have kind words to say, and your optimism is contagious. We love you, Kim!

brutherford · 01-19-2005, 09:03 AM

I'd like to share a few things that I've learned over the past week or so that may shed some light on the fears that we all seem to have in common:

I want to be "normal" but I don't know one woman who doesn't have weight or body concerns, so what is normal? I realized that I don't want to be normal, I want to be free - free of self-hate, free of comparing my body to other women's bodies, free from food obsession, free from diets. So, my current plan is to focus on finding my balance with those things rather than reinforcing the negative by focusing on my weight.
When I told my therapist that my ultimate fear stems from the memory of sitting down with a bag full of fast food and bingeing, she responded with, "So, what if that happened?" Reality check - there's no way in hell that I can eat even a quarter of what I used to, and fast food is out of the question because fried and fatty food makes me dump. So, worst case scenario is that I get fast food, eat a tiny bit, feel like crap, and it's over. It's definitely not the end of the world.
The end of the honeymoon - yeah, I'm still bitter about this. But guess what? They told us it would happen, we've just been living off of the weight loss high for the last few months and conveniently forgot. This weekend, I busted out my copy of the "Pouch Rules" - I've read it through 3 times so far, and it's done a lot to help calm my mind. The end of the honeymoon is not the end of weight loss. Read the Pouch Rules if you are having fears about what the future holds and keep them out where you can refer to them regularly. It's my new "bible."
Self Regulation: I've realized for about the past six months that I hit a plateau about every 6-8 weeks. I'm convinced that the plateau is something that I consciously choose when I start to feel uncomfortable. Uncomfortable comes in many forms, but my usual triggers are too much praise, attention, and happiness. (It really reaffirms the idea that weight obsession comes from feeling like I've overstepped my boundaries as a woman.) It's messed up, I know; however, slowing down the weight loss allows me to catch up emotionally to all of the changes. I feel like I need that few weeks to get my bearings and then I can continue with the weight loss. So, here's another reality check - if almost doubling my caloric intake only plateaus my weight loss and doesn't make me gain, why do I feel like I'm going to have to struggle with diets for the rest of my life? I know that eventually my metabolism will change and I'll have to pay more attention to what I eat, but that's not now and why worry about what I can't control in the future?

If anyone has other tips, reality checks, and info to share, please do so!

pambragg · 01-19-2005, 09:16 AM

Ok, here goes:

I, too, am afraid that this too will be a failure, Lord knows my history loves to repeat itself.

I am deathly afraid of ever becoming involved in a relationship ever again. I don't think I will ever let a man become close to me again in that aspect.

I am afraid that when I am older I am just going to be this lump of old, wrinkled skin, no substance.

I'm afraid my "henry" will not behave til after my trip.

brutherford · 01-19-2005, 10:02 AM

I'm so proud of you for sharing your fears with us - I know it's hard to articulate them. Before I started therapy, about 7 years ago, I used to think that I would just turn to stone if I talked about the things that I was truly afraid of - sounds juvenile, but I couldn't imagine surviving if I spoke of my demons. Well, as we probably all know by now, voicing your fears is the first step to overcoming them, and you've made a huge leap today, Pam!

Rather than offering suggestions for what you can do in these areas, I think it's a good idea for you to get comfortable with them first. I don't know all of your history, but from what I do know, I think that you should take it nice and slow. You've already made tremendous progress and I adore you for joining in on this one.

Smooches, B