So, what are we anxious about? - Page 3 - ThinnerTimes

triciaknox · 01-20-2005, 09:02 PM

Fears. I have them too.

1.) Fear of failing. I find I am eating more now and actually feeling some hunger and it scares me, though when I count the calories I die laughing at how little I am really eating!

2.) Fear of being alone. Not that I want someone around all the time, but with my son grown and gone, I fear that it is "too late" for me to find someone new. Which brings another fear up.

3.) Fear of finding "Mr. Right". How do I know he is Mr. Right and not Mr. Right Hook again? And if I do find Mr. Right Hook, the next fear is:

4.) Dying in jail cause I blew Mr. Right Hook away for hitting me.

Whoa, I think I have a few issues! I guess getting into dating anytime in the near future might not be a good idea!

Butterfly · 01-22-2005, 12:41 AM

I'm very hard on myself...my weight, my looks, my voice...pretty much everything I do. So with that said,

1) I'm afraid that I won't think that I was as successful as I should have been in losing my weight.

2) I fear that if I get to "goal", I will still see myself as an overweight person.

3) I'm afraid of not reaching my goal!

4) Snacking!!! I don't want to fall back on my old habits of snacking.

5) Regaining my weight and losing my self-confidence.

6) I'm afraid that people won't think I'm being sincere in my responses to them when they compliment me on my weight loss and my new look.

7) I'm afraid of denying myself positive affirmations.

We all have so many fears and I know my list can go on and on. I am lucky to have such a supportive family and friends here that will get on me when they see me doing something I shouldn't. I know my husband loves me for me! He'll be going through surgery as well and I know I shouldn't fear this, but I know there will be other women looking at him as his weight drops. He's a very handsome man who is so sincere and committed to me. He is sensitive to my needs and I hope I don't mess that up or take advantage of it because he is one of the most loving, caring people that I know. Other than being my best friend, he is my soulmate. So there is another fear that he would probably think is ridiculous.

Thanks for reading this and listening.

brutherford · 01-27-2005, 05:48 PM

I'm so proud of you for posting! Thank you so much for your honesty - I know that it was probably hard, but did it make you feel better?

You've been through so much in your life - you should be really proud of how far you've come. I'm so glad that you've made the choice to have the surgery and have a healthier life - that's a sure sign that you are starting to realize you are worth the effort. You're putting yourself first and working towards a brighter future. These things all indicate that you value yourself much more than someone who would stay in an abusive relationship - I know that you're scared of repeating history. The main reason why women stay in abusive relationships is that they don't think they are worth anything better - but you are, and even if you don't fully believe it yet, you're well on your way.

Big hugs to you - you go girl!

brutherford · 01-27-2005, 05:56 PM

I feel your pain! I was in such a dark funk last week that I ripped myself to shreads in my head over and over again - NOTHING was good enough. I'm working hard on this behavior, but it takes time.

That said, your post made me realize a few things:

I think everyone here has very similar, if not identical, fears.
Many things that we fear are things we cannot control - for example, when you talked about people not believing the sincerity of your responses to their compliments. People believe whatever they want to believe, and you cannot control that, no matter how much time you spend trying to convince them.
Some of the fears that we have are things that will happen - but will the world crumble if they do? For example, it's no secret that Bridget and I refer to ourselves as the "fat chicks" - it's not a self-deprecating comment, it's just that we still feel that way on the inside. The reality is that this surgery causes us to lose weight at an extraordinary rate and so it's going to take time for your mind to catch up with your body.

I'm so glad that you posted these things, Irela. Thank you so much for being a part of this - I think you are amazing!

Davey · 01-27-2005, 11:32 PM

I hope it is ok for one of us guys to post, but I thought that it would be ok.

This is a very interesting post. I am not sure that I will exactly answer this like everyone else did.

Believe it or not, I still have a slight fear that something will go wrong. Even though it is 6 weeks post op. I feel that I will come up with some kind of vitamin deficiently or I am not getting enough protein.

I guess my real fear is of dying. Not really dying itself, but that I would leave my wife and children behind. That I have not prepared enough for them. That they will be taken care of. I guess I can't stand the idea of them doing without.

The main reason I got this surgery was so that I could still be alive to see my children get married and be happy in life. I really felt that in another 10 years I would not be alive. My doctor second that idea many times. So, it is wierd when you have thoughts in your mind that something might go wrong with the one thing that you did to save your life in the first place. Does that make sense.

Well thanks for listening,

Davey

triciaknox · 01-28-2005, 07:03 AM

Brenda,

Yeah, I felt a bit better after posting. Got that stuff out of my head at least. Then I have had a new worry crop up. Ready for it?

I was driving somewhere the other day and was thinking, wow, the steering wheel no longer has my belly imprint on it AND I have been able to lower the steering wheel all the way. I have lost over 80 pounds. Okay, I can stop now. HUH??? Where in the world did THAT come from? I am nowhere ready to stop! But that silly thought keeps popping up. I just pray that I am victorious in my battle over it and don't sabotage myself somehow.

Davey, I understand your fears. I am almost 4 months out and I still have the fear that I will die. I don't fear dying (been there, done that), but I am not ready to go yet!

amyschu · 01-28-2005, 02:01 PM

i'm pretty new here but i felt compelled to respond.

right now my biggest fear is that i won't get approval from the insurance company. how in the world am i going to get this weight off "by myself"? i've done enough diets to know i will lose but i always gain it back and then some. have i put all my eggs in one basket by investing so much emotionally in the hope of wls even though i've tried to not get my hopes up about it.

amy

brutherford · 01-31-2005, 03:45 PM

I'm so glad you posted - too often the male perspective gets lost around here. Thank you for being brave and wading through all the estrogen!

Your fears are real and honest and we have all been there. I still wonder sometimes if the long-term effects of this surgery will cause me some health problems. However, I remind myself that I was a ticking time bomb before the surgery, and that seems to put things into perspective.

The advice that I have for you is to embrace your fears and share them - with your partner, your family, and your friends. Discussing your fears helps to lessen the emotional charge that they have, and eventually you'll realize that they are valid and that there's nothing wrong with being afraid. I think it's much healthier to have these concerns than not to.

I'm very proud of you for posting and for giving us an opportunity to share. You're doing great - keep up the good work!

brutherford · 01-31-2005, 03:51 PM

I'm very proud of you for posting! Seriously - most pre-ops are too timid to get involved in our intense post-op discussions, so you are unique! You go girl!

Let me share with you the other side of the spectrum: I was so afraid that I would get denied by insurance that I wouldn't talk about the surgery. I had convinced myself that I would get denied, so I put on this show to everyone that I could or could not have the surgery - I pretended I was on the fence, when secretly I wanted it more than anything in the world and was simply afraid to admit it.

My point is that we all have things that we do when we are under stress - we all react differently and there is no right and wrong. Your worry is legitimate, but what's the worst thing that could happen? You could get denied. But guess what? That's not the end of the world - plenty of people on this forum have had to appeal their insurance's denial. They can help you through the process if it comes to that. You have a wealth of resources and support here, so just continue to use it and everything will work out fine.

Again - congratulations on posting! I wish you luck - please let me know if you need anything.

bridgetgirl · 02-01-2005, 04:48 AM

I sit here at 3:30am and I cant sleep because... I dont know why.

I QUIT my "boyfriend". I QUIT making excuses for his behavior, today was the last day for me to know him. I dont understand what is, that makes it impossible for me to have a healthy realtionship! It seems after 2 1/2 months it all goes to hell. Maybe I want it too bad, maybe I am smothering... I dont know, but what I do know is that Im tired. Im tired of men, or rather the guys I choose doing whatever they can to get my attention... from dinners to sending flowers, to cute little Im thinking of you messages to captivate me... and once they have and I acknowledge it, BAM! (Emeril moment

lol Robin) I get dropped like a hot potato! It feels like I'm being hunted...... once they have me, my heart, the thrill is gone? My anxiety about having and wanting a relationship has increased ten times... I dont know whether to be bitter, guarded a hard ass or ???? Nothing works for me... giving too much, holding out a little....all of it. Im left empty handed with a broken heart. I sit here at my computer talking with you all with a great amount of saddness. I cared for him deeeply and I feel a loss... I dont want to feel this kind of pain again... rather anymore. A dear, dear friend of mine reminded me, "its better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all." Right now, I dont know how to feel about that? When is it going to be my turn? When? I thought this guy was just the sweetest, most attentive, gentle person... it turns out he is just a wolf in sheeps clothing. I have deleted all of his contact information....... I want to hide.

I QUIT! the cosmetic venture, at least for now. I need to plan more before jumping into big ventures. Perhaps in a couple of months I will jump back onthat band wagon!

Im still in school... however I did QUIT math, but I added a Financial Accounting class instead. All of the assignments for math were due on line.... I cant do that, not for math... Im terrifed of it as it is, I need something more hands on.... one day I will take that frigging class.... but not today. At least I didnt quit schol altogether. As I sit in that hard a$$ chair... (they are so much more comfortable when your behind is more cushiony! LOL) with an aching coccyx and fatigue overcoming me, I think I HAVE to do this. I have to get through this, I owe it to myself... I CAN DO IT.

So, my life re visited after just 2 short weeks.... its amazing what can change. 2 out of 3 aint so bad... nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Thanks for listening!