So, what are we anxious about? - Page 2 - ThinnerTimes

brutherford · 01-19-2005, 11:03 AM

One thing that I want us all to pay attention to is the fact that less than half of our fears have anything to do with food or weight. Is it safe to say that the book may be right? That we focus on our weight or food when we're uncomfortable saying what's really wrong? If so, who's willing to join me in making a conscious effort to talk about what's really wrong? I'd like to suggest the following exercises:

As soon as we hear ourselves saying negative words about our weight, food, or body, that we correct ourselves by saying what's really bothering us. (As an example, my negative references include all jokes about my "big fat a**;" any references to my excess skin, looking like an old lady, or being false advertising because of how different I look outside of my clothes; etc.) If you're in a situation where you don't feel safe in doing this (i.e., you're with people who wouldn't accept or understand), then you post what you should have said on this thread or call a support group member and tell them over the phone. The point of this exercise is to identify what we're really thinking and getting comfortable with how to articulate those thoughts.
Once we identify what's really bothering us, we find a way to work it through. This means seeking out a therapist, talking to your existing therapist, talking on a regular basis with someone on the forum or in the support groups, buying a book on the subject and reading it, etc.

So that it's not overwhelming, let's just focus on the first exercise for the next two weeks. I was going to wait to post the second exercise, but I think that we all need to be aware of what the follow-up to the first one is going to be.

Who's up for this? Anyone and everyone can join in - we need to create a phone/e-mail list of people who can receive contacts from those participating. Private message me with your contact info and I'll keep the list.

I really do think that this would be a good idea for us - adding the power of numbers can only increase the chances of our success. I know that I need you guys and I know that I can help by listening to those in need. Let's work on this one together!

bridgetgirl · 01-19-2005, 11:19 AM

My fears:

Im afraid of regaining the weight. I beat myself up when I head to the cupboard and feed that head hunger, its something I battle everyday and I too am deathly afraid of getting fat again. Being fat really sucks. Im so afraid that at times I think, I just wont eat... its not like I get hungry. But then there is starting a new obsessive behavior... an unhealthy one, it terrifies me to know that I could actually do it... starve myself.

Filling my "void". First it was with food... then I turned to soda, which by the way I did stop drinking as of last Thursday. Then theres pain killers... although not addicted i can tell you I like the way they make me feel.... and that is scary.. is this feeling something that could potentionally become addictive for me... alcohol, again I like the fuzzy feeling I get from it. Although i dont drink as much as I use to... maybe having 1-2 drinks a week typically.. i like that feeling and I drink to feel "the buzz", i like the buzz and that scares me... again something that could potentionally become appealling and have me indulge more and more, until it becomes a problem. I am afraid of FILLING THE VOID.. I hate that feeling.. its an empty feeling and I dont like it.. Im afraid of it

Im afraid that i will never find love. Im afraid that the reason i cannot maintain a loving relationship for longer than 2 1/2 months. Is it me, am I broken? Is it my fault? Or is just nor the right time right now? I dont know, but I crticize/critique myself way too much. When I do find it, will he love me and all my body imperfections as well... will he make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world... I mean how do you bring it up.... "I really like you , I want to be with you... but I hate my body...." I just sounds juvenile and Im afraid of sounding like a drama queen... again more fear and anxiety.

I am afraid of MATH. I hate it, this math class I start on Monday will be my fourth attempt at taking it... I just want to pass and for it to be over... but I have failed at it so many times in the past... Im afraid of failing.... again.

Americanwoman397 · 01-19-2005, 11:36 AM

Ok guys well Bridget brought the cat out of the bag and its something I haven't really admitted to anyone. My best friend and Aaron have said something but I just tell them they are full of it. I have actually eaten something that I think I shouldn’t and tried to make myself sick so yes I’m afraid of dealing with bulimia. The thing is after I do this I realize that I didn’t eat enough of anything to hurt me. I mean its like 3 maybe 4 bites of something like fried. I dump from it but before I even get that far I try to get it out of my system. I so afraid that this could become a regular problem for me.

B
Thanks for all the great words. You are a wonderful woman and I’m glad I didn’t wear makeup today because you’ve brought me to tears twice now. I love you and the fact you are so honest with me and don’t sugar coat it.

watergirl · 01-19-2005, 12:18 PM

The things that you have shared about you and helping us are absolutely amazing. I just want to know one thing, do you charge for your therapy?

It takes alot for me to really open up to people - this forum has helped more than you all will ever know. Barbara you and this new string of insight is/was frightening at first, but I now understand the feeling of getting it out in the universe and how freeing that is. Thank you for providing the comfort, for making it all right to do so.

I can't thank you enough. I love you and appreciate you so much! I never got this far with my therapist.

Dara · 01-19-2005, 12:35 PM

I read the initial post and decided I didn't know how to answer it. Well, we all know that I usually don't have a loss for words--I'm really good at dishing out advice! So I have to admit the REAL reason I didn't answer the post is because it was too frightening for me. Addressing fears is not something I do--probably the reason I have used food to stuff my fears (or my "demons," as I call them) in the past.

I'm going to continue to think about this issue. However, there are a couple of fears I have in common with most of you.

Fear of regaining weight. I talk about stopping my weight loss; however, it really doesn't concern me much at all. My BIG fear is the scale going UP again. I'm petrified.
Fear of failure--no, actually my fear is fear of SUCCESS. I'm really, really good at failure. Been there, done that.
Fear of weakness. Due to my abusive background, I have a need to always be in control. I am scared to death of being in a situation that is beyond my control or appearing weak.

I'm really busy at work right now, so I can't think about this at length. But, I will take some time and really try to address my fears. You'll be the first to know what I discover.

As always, thanks for listening..

bridgetgirl · 01-20-2005, 12:11 PM

[quote=Americanwoman397]Ok guys well Bridget brought the cat out of the bag and its something I haven't really admitted to anyone. My best friend and Aaron have said something but I just tell them they are full of it. I have actually eaten something that I think I shouldn’t and tried to make myself sick so yes I’m afraid of dealing with bulimia. The thing is after I do this I realize that I didn’t eat enough of anything to hurt me. I mean its like 3 maybe 4 bites of something like fried. I dump from it but before I even get that far I try to get it out of my system. I so afraid that this could become a regular problem for me.

[quote]

Tonya babygirl..... I know what you mean about this..... I used to barf alot.. up until we went to Hoolywood and I sat in with a nutritionist and she was talking about buliemic behaviors and how easy it is to pick up..... I mean I use to make myself barf ALOT. Now after I eat something , no matter how uncomfortable it makes me feel I deep breathe, go for a walk... whatever it takes to feel more comfortable without barfing. Its weird how I can see myself or at least see how easy it would be to become a buliemic, alcoholic or perscription drug addict... addiction in itself is a fear for me, but I see how I could succumb to it... Im just trying to live one day at a time, and be strong enough not to co depend on something. If you need to talk about it, Im only a phone call, email or drive away. I love you!

Americanwoman397 · 01-20-2005, 12:58 PM

Bridget

You know you made me cry because up until yesterday I hadn't admited that to anybody. When someone said something I was like not me I just had to go to the bathroom. Its crazy I see myself on that border of becoming addicted to this or to drinking. I'm trying so hard not to replace one old bad habbit with another. I'm going to take you up on the calling though. The next time I find myself trying to do that I'm just going to call you.

This has got to be one of the best threads ever. I'm feeling so much better about myself and realizing once again I'm not alone in all of this but you guys all understand. Thanks for being the best friends a girl could ever ask for.

bridgetgirl · 01-20-2005, 02:04 PM

Its hard to admit we have a weakness..... I never thought of myself as being weak... always strong, always putting up a good front. But you know, we are only human. We make mistakes and hopefully we will learn from them. Im sure you and I cannot be the only post ops on the world with this problem either. I hope that folks can learn from our mistakes, thoughts, habits, fears as well... this might be a good thing to talk about at group tonight. I wont be there tonight. I have to be home with Isaiah to help him with his homework, make sure its all correct and do about a hour and a hafl worth of story reading. I will miss seeing you, Im feeling good though-especially after the East County meeting we had. I'll see ya on saturday though! We can hug.. I wanna hug you so bad sugar pea! Love ya!

brutherford · 01-20-2005, 04:34 PM

I totally believe in fate, karma, destiny, whatever you want to call it. If the only reason that I posted these threads was to get the two of you talking about eating disorders, then it was well worth it. Personally, I HATE throwing up with a passion. I've only had it happen twice since surgery and it was simply unavoidable both of those times. About once a month or so something won't agree with me, and then I do the things that Bridget mentioned - take a walk, deep breaths, etc. It makes me laugh because sometimes I feel like a shark swimming in circles because I'm just walking in loops around the house

But, in my book it's still better than vomiting!

I am so proud of both of you for sharing your anxieties and for really opening up about things that must have been very hard for you to admit. I'm so glad that this has become another affirmation of how we are all on similar paths and the chances of someone else experiencing the same thing are extremely high. I know the two of you amazing, remarkable, brilliant women, and I know that you'll work through this one together.

Love you both, B

brutherford · 01-20-2005, 04:44 PM

I know it's scary! I've been told more than once that I'm a little too intense for some, but my intentions are certainly good and honest. Nobody has to share a thing on here - just reading, participating in the discussion, cheering on others, and even simply saying, "this is scary," is progress. I know that several years ago I wouldn't even read a post like these, much less participate, much less start it. You both have an incredible will to change and the desire to improve your lives - it doesn't matter where you are at the evolution, it only matters that you're evolving.

Kim - I believe that: you truly don't learn something unless you share it with others; if you've made progress in something that's difficult, you have a responsibility to help others who are working on similar issues; sometimes the best way to help yourself is to help others; and life is very cosmic and puts us in the right situations at the right time. As much as I know that some of you won't believe this, EVERY ONE OF YOU gives me so much more than I give to you.

Dara - I LOVE YOU. Your posts are so honest that they break my heart sometimes, but it just makes me love you more. I'm so proud/grateful/flattered that you posted despite your fears. Your control comment is really resonating with me right now - something that I'm going to have to mull over before I fully disclose

Sister, you rock my world.