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details, Jenny, details!! Enquiring (nosy) minds want to know! Have you got a dress, will the kids be with you? Honeymoon in Vegas, Canada, Here, Where? Will you be moving "out of the area code, or will Andrew relocate here? Will you have a reception party here so all your staplers can party with you?
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Details, details, it all comes down to the little things. Okay here's some answers :
1. I picked out a dress, but the cost is prohibitive. Even with people telling me that $600 for a wedding dress isn't bad, I'm barely scrapping money together to pay the rent and feed my children. A wedding dress is something that will have to wait....damn it looked beautiful though. Should anyone like to see it an imagine it on me....
click here
2. The kids will probably not be there for the ceremony. Andrew has never been to Vegas and I'd like to be able to spend some time with him there, and children are not allowed on the casino floors.
3. No honeymoon yet, again, the cost is too much.
4. Long term plans have me moving to Canada, but the ex has thrown a wrench into everything by hiring an attorney. He says it's to make sure that he doesn't get screwed. See here's what's been happening.....
I went into the family law facilitator and had the papers drawn up to modify our visitation agreement so that I could move with our son to Canada. I put everything that he asked me to put in there. I emailed him saying that I had the papers and where could I send them. He didn't reply. When I finally caught him on the phone, he tried to lie and say he didn't have internet access, but yet he was able to email the kids at the same time.
After I busted his lie, he said he'd hired an attorney and he wanted that person to look over the papers to make sure he wasn't getting screwed over while in an emotional state. I'm very worried about this. We had an agreement, and now he wants to change it. He wants me to alter the papers again to say that we can move anywhere in the US we want to, just not to Canada. If I agree to this, he will keep my daughter on his medical insurance as well as continue to pay the full support amount (the papers I just had drawn up, had the support amount dropped by $550).
So with him saying that we could move anywhere in the US, I take that to mean
anywhere....Northern Alaska, US Virgin Islands, Guam, North east Maine....you get the idea. Seriously though, he tried to say that he wouldn't be able to afford $1000 each time it was his turn to get the kids...that would be half the plane fare IF the children were flying out of Pearson International in Toronto. If Andrew and I drive the 2 hours to go to Buffalo, the cost of the plane tickets drops by about $300 each. So that argument is blown.
Then he says he wants to make sure the kids have adequate health care. What....Canada is a third world country and I didn't hear about it? Ontario has a comprehensive government health care system (OHIP) that is more than adequate for the children's needs.
I had a free consultation with an attorney on the phone the other day, who happens to be acquainted with the ex's lawyer. She feels that this man would tell my ex if he feels that he's preparing to fight a losing battle. And that is what this would be. I am not trying to cut off my ex husband's visitation with his son. On the contrary, I am giving him MORE visitation than he has currently. Not only that but I've researched the areas we'd like to live in, the health care system, the schools, and I have multiple potential jobs waiting for me. I'm trying to give my children a better life, not be a bitch to my ex (although that is a pleasant side effect).
The lawyer I spoke to said they take many factors into consideration. First off, is the child's extended family in the area. My ex husband's family is in Texas, my family is here. Then they look at social activities...is he in sports (no), does he have a wide circle of friends (no), will transporting him from one school to another have a detrimental effect on him (he's in the 5th grade, next year he'll go to a middle school where he won't know anyone....I'd say this is a no). They look at the relationship between the child and the parents...who has he bonded with (me). To top it off, the ex has a military domestic violence charge against him, and he won't even be in the city himself. He'll be stationed 2 hours away and won't be able to just "drop in" and visit our son whenever he chooses. Add to that the fact that he is a deployable service member and the case is pretty grim on his side.
It would be in his best interests (financially) to just sign the papers and let me go. I can't afford a lawyer should this go to court. Hell, I'm having issues getting our son a passport because no one told me that both parents have to be present when applying. Thank god for special circumstances.
4 (part 2). Andrew has already said that if it looks like I can't come up anytime soon, he will come down here. We're leaving that option open. He has an amazing job with potential for raises, promotions, royalties, etc, that I don't want him to pass up.
5. I would love to have a reception both here and in Canada, but money is once again an issue. We figured that just for the wedding (not counting rings, clothes, or food), we're going to need about $1500. This pays for his air fare to Vegas, hotel, gas for me to drive there and back, the marriage license, and the wedding itself.
Right now, money is a HUGE issue for me. The state has royally screwed up my child support and I'm JUST NOW getting the check that was due the first week of March. I'm facing eviction if my paycheck and child support checks don't show up within the next week. I'm lucky if I can put away $20 from one paycheck...and that's with the children and I living off of ramen noodles and peanut butter (not at the same time mind you).
The ex did promise to give me $400 on the 15th (didn't get it) and another $400 on the first (doubt I'll see it)...and this would go a long way towards getting bills in order and being able to help Andrew pay for the wedding stuff. It isn't fair to him to expect him to foot the bill for everything. This is our life now, and we contribute to it as equally as possible.
As most of you know, my apartment complex is being converted into condos. I still haven't gotten the notice that I have to move. Once we do get it, they have to give us 60 days. As of today, 60 days is May 29th. I can't afford the deposit / first months rent on a new place. Not to mention credit checks at every single place I apply to. My credit is shot, I'm a single mother on a single mother's income. I had just planned to go to Canada when those 60 days were up. Andrew's lease is up on May 28th and the timing of the two are perfect. However, I have this issue with nippleshit (my sister's name for my ex). So as of right now, when I have to leave here, I'm going to put everything in storage and live in the car I guess....that is unless he signs the papers.
Everything comes down to money, and the lack of it. I just want to be with Andrew and start our life together. The kids love him, and together we will be okay. Being apart and paying bills for 2 separate residences, utilities, etc is killing the both of us. I understand my ex's motives. He's hurt, his pride is in tatters because, technically I left him for another man. He's looking for someone to hurt because he's hurting and I'm convenient. What he doesn't realize is that while he's trying to hurt me, all he's really doing is mildly annoying me...like an itch you can't reach....and he's really hurting the children. The two small people he said he would never do anything to hurt.
Details (per Donna's request)
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