A Cry for Help... - ThinnerTimes

Zenomia · 03-15-2007, 06:02 AM

Well, here I am, sitting where I have seen others sit, wondering how in the world I could do this to myself. I am 9 months out, 30#'s shy of MY goal and I am SCREWING UP ROYALLY!

I gained 5#'s back over 3 weeks ago, which screwed up my 100#'s gone! Of course I didn't change my signature, that would be admitting to failure. Yet here I am...three weeks later, still 5#'s up.

I know what's wrong, I understand that I have no will power and that I can reason my way through eating 15 girl scout cookies a day. Yep. I am not proud, and I seriously need some self control, something!! I am working out, but not as much as I should and If I was reading this post, I could point out the things wrong with it and what to change in order to get the scale moving again. I KNOW THESE THINGS....I am just struggling to listen to my own advice. WHY AM I DOING THIS? Someone please explain to this dumb stapler' why I am willingly and knowingly sabotaging my own hard earned efforts at success?

I have managed to rid the house of cookies, except for the ones I don't like, (for the kids). So why is it, that I am sitting here admitting this, and still find myself glancing over at cookies that I don't like? What the hell is wrong with me?

mauldinmama · 03-15-2007, 06:55 AM

What's really going on???? Is there a problem you don't want to "deal" with and eating is the easier of the two???? From reading your post you know what needs to be done but I don't think that is what this is about... I have read and reread most post on here and I think this is emotional not physical. I too am a self-sabatageER and undoubtly I have always had DRAMA in my life...mostly I created it or fell into it...but I have found I have a problem with JUST BEING HAPPY....Like I am punishing myself for past sins....I should be at saint status by now for all I have put myself through.

If any of this sounds familar...take a good long deep breathe...and try REWARDING yourself in a different way...YOU can't fight your head alone...Does your Doctor rec anyone who you can talk too.... I hope this helps, we are hardest on ourselves!

Andrew · 03-15-2007, 08:38 AM

I've never been in your shoes, as I'm just here as a hand-holder to someone who did have the surgery, but the first thing I would have said to my hand-holdee is this.

Quit beating yourself up over it!

Speaking as someone who has had to deal with depression in myself, I can say that if you belittle yourself for things you drop the ball on, it will just trigger a vicious cycle that will spiral down further and further.

You need to be able to accept your mistakes and learn from them. Take some time to look at yourself on an emotional level and, as the previous poster said, find out if there's something else bothering you that's related or unrelated to the surgery.

Do you feel like you don't deserve to be losing this weight?
Are you not happy with how people react to the change in you?
Is there something wrong at home?
Are you looking for attention? (God I used to be SO guilty of that... acting out to get any kind of attention I could.)

After you figure out what, if anything, is wrong then you can work on fixing it. Sometimes it's not something you can fix and just recognizing the problem alone is the best you can do to help remedy the side-effects.

It's hard to turn a critically honest eye on yourself without putting yourself down, so be very careful. Don't start disliking who you are. Just accept the dark parts of you as a piece of the whole; a piece that makes up your entire character.

Everyone has their bad times and moments they're not proud of. What's important is how you respond to them and how you try to overcome them.

mauldinmama · 03-15-2007, 08:42 AM

That was so well said....you must be a terrific hand holder....I appreciate you putting into words what I tried to say....

that is such powerful info as I stated WE ARE OUR OWN WORST CRITIC!

newlife4me · 03-15-2007, 08:49 AM

We were talking here not too long ago about the feelings that we may be trying to hide from by eating.....Someone said "just feel the feelings". Don't eat, just feel the feelings....could it be so simple....maybe. Just utilizing that mind set the scales started moving for me.
What ever the case may be don't dwell. Your tool still works, you will be fine. This isn't an overnite process, it is a lifetime process and in life we screw-up, learn and try something else. You will find what works for you, cuz your beautiful, smart and gosh dang it people like you!!!!!

rainrain · 03-15-2007, 08:53 AM

Zen,

Having surgery gave you a tool, as you know we must put it to use. As Andrew mentioned, there is probably alot more going on here.

As some one 2 1/2 years out, I can say that I promised myself a 5 pound range and I do not beat myself up over it. I never made goal, yet, I feel really good and accept that.

My signature says 164, well, I was 164 for 3 hours....but I maintain 168-173. That is my 5 pound range. By accepting t, I don't feel like a failure. I know if I want to work harder I could lose more. Maybe over the summer I will, but for me...having kept this weight off is just as important as losing it.

With that mindset, you then begin loving your self, enjoying your soul and accepting that where you are matters more when you remember where you have been.

It is about embracing your own self, and letting go of the negative.

Do you love your children, no matter what? Well, do the same to your self, because then you take better care of your self, you are deserving of your own love and care!!

Be well!
Rain

Bypassingme619 · 03-15-2007, 08:54 AM

Aww Laura. Sweety know that you are not alone in your struggle. Are you still involved in any support groups. Just like drug addicts, to stay successful we need to be part of a support group. Like you laura I have been battling the demons of packing on pounds. I have been calling around getting some prices for the gym. I have come to far to fail at this now. It is never to late to get back on track. I wish we lived closer together so we could kick eachothers butts back on track. Are you still getting your protein in? Are you getting out the house or you an at home mom too. Lately I have been trying to make a new routine for me my daughter. Getting us out the house even if it is just down the street. Go back and read some of your old post and remember your struggle to get where you are now. I love you sweety. Find the strength and courage to fight this Laura.

Damn them girl scout cookies. My husband bout some and I told him to leave them in the trunk of the car so he could eat them while he was at work.

aesidwell · 03-15-2007, 09:22 AM

Wow, seeing this post was huge for me, because I was coming on to post nearly the same thing! I also agree that there might be more going on there, speaking as someone who still desperately wants to emotionally eat (and have giving in to dumping more than a few times just to have some sugar). So what's going on?

Zenomia · 03-15-2007, 09:57 AM

Thank you all so much for the responses. I would love to answer each of you individually, because each of your posts said something to me. I will try not to 'down' myself further though...point taken there.

I guess there is a lot going on besides weight loss. I'm a SAHM of 3, I started Tae Kwan Do and am working on my next belt, I took up aqua-size at the same time. I also run a home business, run kids from one activity to the next 4 days a week. I am also in school again, part-time and was recently asked to join an elite honors society for academic performance. That is pretty stressfully in itself because I have to keep a GPA of 3.8 or above and this semester I have two very HARD classes which I have been freaking over. (Anatomy & Phys. and Medical Term.) I am constantly on the run, studying, stressing or working. Most of the time I am eating something before I even realize I am doing it. It reminds me of when I first quit smoking and I would automatically reach into a pocket for the cigs...even though they wouldn't be there anymore. Like an old habit not yet broken. I guess I am reaching out for food to fill in....fill in....I don't know what. You guys are really amazing at helping me think this out though.

And sadly, I don't have any other support groups I can go to. My group here is full of old timers who know it all and newbies who know nothing. I don't recall a meeting that ever talked about feelings and emotional dealings with Food. (We don't have those lovely West Coast meetings around here....ours are mostly technical based.) Which is why I posted this here.

I guess I will just keep on reading, and thinking and digesting what I am hearing. Something is bound to Spring from it, right?

Andrew · 03-15-2007, 10:10 AM

Wow, with all that stuff going on in your life it's no wonder you're stressing. The biggest thing I can suggest, something I've told Jenny a dozen times; never be afraid to ask for help. It shows strength to admit that you need somebody else's support. If you have friends or family that can help you in some way, reach out to them. The worst they can do is say no.

Stay strong. I've no doubt you've a lot of strength in you considering how much you do.

Just had a thought; maybe the food is what you're doing as "wind-down" time. Find something to keep you busy when you put up your feet. A hobby, video games (in moderation!) or something that you can pick up and relax with for an hour in those rare pauses in your busy life.

Years ago, I had a problem where I would relax between busy spurts by indulging in drugs. Once I realised I had a problem, I forced myself to do something different during that downtime.