Move Update - Drama - ThinnerTimes

coptergirl · 03-03-2007, 04:32 PM

Hey all. I have missed checking in this week, but I have been stuck in a nightmare, and am waiting to wake up

Keith and I had a big going away bash last Sunday, and Sunday night as I was getting ready for bed, his phone blinged in that he had a text message. We have been having issues with him getting spam texts (or so he said), and all of the texts that were able to be displayed were from one girl - the one who sings in the band he is in. Very incriminating to an affair, so I confronted him, and he said that they have only texted one another and that it never got physical, but that she gives him what he needs by valuing who he is and what he does as a musician. Well, I called her promptly and reminded her that she is married with 3 kids, and to get the f*** away from my husband and to never contact him again. Keith got mad that I would dare violate his privacy (can we see that hand stuck in the cookie jar?!) and left for 2 hours to go think about things. In the meantime, I freaked out and called my bf, but then thought...gee...I wonder if Kelly's husband knows. So what did I do? I called her freaking husband and explained to him what I found and what had happened, and he said that he wasn't surprised as she has done this several times before, and that he should have left her 10 years ago!!! I went to Keiths My Space page, and found a love peom from her to him in his inbox, and I promptly replied to her to remind her the difference between a whore and a slut, and that she is a slut because she sure isn't getting paid. Felt good.

Anyways, when K got home, I confronted him and asked him if he loves me to which he replied yes, and I asked him if he wants to remain married to me to which he replied "I don't know". He is still undecided...which is a decision in and of itself. He just can't make up his mind, and keeps lashing out at me because he knows it is his fault.

WE haven't been really happy in a few years. Both of us contribute to that, I know. We tend to tear one another down quite a bit, and if there is an issue, it is so much easier to not deal with it, so we don't, but now we have a pile of crap that is sitting in the middle of the room...and he doesn't want to help me clean it up. Over the years I have begged to go to counseling, and he refuses...even now (his confidence was violated with a counselor he and his exwife saw years and years ago), and remains undecided as to whether or not he wants to stay married to me. He will be running away to NY mid-March when everything with the sale of the house closes...you know - no distractions of a girlfriend that begs you to stay because she is now alone with 3 kids (she dug her own damned grave!), and no distractions from a wife dumped. So hasta la vista ahole!!

Now - I am having surgery Friday the 9th, still need to pack to get myself over to my friends house and settled in. House closes 3/15, and I will just be getting home from the hospital where I need to trust a 41 year old man with the emotional stabiliity of a 13 yo with the move of all the stuff to local storage (all he wants is his clothes and guitars and guitar stuff). Then I need to prepare by setting up the wire transfers to go to accounts that he and I both have access to (ie dual signature required for withdrawl) so that he doesn't run off with the money. Then - and I know this sounds stupid- what about my babies?! I have 2 dogs adore - I do not want him to take them both to NY (he can have the 2nd one), but if he does leave one behind, what will I do with her until I move from my friends house into my own place (could be pushed up to mid-April)? On top of all that, because I had given my job plenty of notice, they found a replacement for me, and I am now out of a job 5/4 (they said they would continue to pay my salary for a couple of months so I wouldn't be out in the cold). There is so much happening. I know God is bigger than all of it, so I do have my times of peace, but then I have the emotional and the angry and the fearful moments. I am terrified of not being married, you guys, after 10 years of being with this guy. I do not like to be alone/lonely, and as long as we were ignoring issues, he was great and we got along fine (obviously not really), and had fun. I am so very sad. He seems so hardened to the whole thing and want to do what he wants to do when he wants to do it - and we all know that when you're married there needs to be consideration for the other person, and he is not willing. Period - not willing to try, not willing to do the work, not willing to win back trust...not willing to be with me.

I know this sounds pathetic, but I am just so confused, sad, betrayed, petrified, emotional etc., right now that I cannot think strait.

Please say a prayer that I wake up from this nightmare soon. Thanks for reading my rant

Princess · 03-03-2007, 04:47 PM

Oh Whitney, I feel for you girl but you are the strong one and will come out of this one way of another. {{{{{{{{Hugs to Whitney}}}}}}}}}} Ask a friend to help you out with your dog too.

Alleusion · 03-03-2007, 04:49 PM

Oh Whitney I wish I could just hug you right now. I've been on his side of this situation, and at the same time on your side (as in, I've been in both of your shoes). It's not easy. Something you said kind of really caught my eye. . .

Quote:

if there is an issue, it is so much easier to not deal with it, so we don't,

This is how the last 4 years of my marriage were. I chose not to deal and in the end it destroyed my ex-husband. I wanted what I wanted and really didn't care what he wanted by that time. If I had dealt with it, things may have ended differently. Maybe a little more friendly.

So, sit back and imagine me giving you a gentle hug (I'm still recovering from surgery), and know that I've walked your path and am here if you ever want to talk.

Blueyz · 03-03-2007, 05:04 PM

{{{{{{{Whitney}}}}}}}

I am so sorry and wish that there was something that I could do for you. I know that you are a tough cookie and things will work out in your favor. I am sending you hugs and strength to get through. PM me if you need to talk...any time..k??

chilmoe · 03-03-2007, 05:05 PM

whit, hugs to you hun, this does not sound pathetic, this sounds tough to deal with, at a time you have so much going on, i have no words of advice, just know we are here for you, wish there was something i could do, you can come live with me, do you like kids? i think Nanny Whitney has a nice ring to it, so sorry for what you are going through, lots and lots of hugs.

Gina in NY · 03-03-2007, 06:22 PM

I wasn't expecting that!

Whitney my sweetie - are you ever going to trust him again? Do you really think you can get back together and act like "nothing happened"? Do you really want to? Is it a strange coincidence that you are about to be at the height of your gorgeousness and self-determination and he starts acting out??

You sound (to me, but I could be wrong) like you know its over, and now you have to actually deal with the pain in the butt that ending a marriage entails.

But Whitney honey - you can do this. You can do anything. You can find a new job, you could fight for your old one and get it back if HAD to. You can find a temporary home for a dog or two and figure out all the other logistics. You have time, you have a friend to stay with and you know darn well, you can make it all work. It is more the shock of having to think of all this NOW when you're facing surgery. But once again, pain in the ass? Yes! But you know what to do.

Now it all suck the big hairy one, but ...dare I say...make a list of what you need to do and you know as well as everyone here - that you'll do it.

We love you, we are thinking of you, praying for you and we are sending hundreds of cyber hugs to you.

And hey - if this means you don't need to move to NY, you may find yourself quite a bit happier! And you won't have to spend all that money on winter clothes.

lealphachienne · 03-03-2007, 06:40 PM

You are not alone in this. Many of us have had rocky marriages hat completely fell apart after having WLS. What wasn't working before still doesn't work no matter how much we change ourselves. There is no right or wrong here, just an honest evaluation of where you're at, where you want to go and who do you travel that path with.

You can make it as a single person. You can thrive after a betrayal. You can recover. My ex got his 2nd DUI just one week after my PS. It was then that I knew it wasn't going to work out and I needed to get my act together and make plans. I had the house listed and sold and I packed, moved, and settled, had him in rehab several times, while dealing with the painful and slow recovery after the complications I had with PS.

It was a long struggle, it hurt real bad, I had lost a lot of hope and trust in the world. My WLS peeps kept in touch, we vented, we cried, and now I am thriving. We each make our choices and live with it. Even if you feel you have no choice, you can still choose to accept life as it is and move on. Life often sucks. Life is painful. Life is hope. Life is beautiful.

You are human, you are divine, you are special and worth whatever effort it takes to move beyond this point when you are ready. Take each day one at a time. Plan the best you can. You will overcome this, as you have overcome your obesity.

Zenomia · 03-03-2007, 06:41 PM

<<WHIT>>
Not sure if there is anything I can say that would make ya feel any better. Hell, have a glass of wine, relax, prep for your upcoming surgery and don't give a thought to the other stuff. Lord knows, it will work out in the end. You are made of stronger stuff than you think right now...I know you will pull your boots up and move on with life with grace and dignity intact! Big HUGS my friend....<<we're here for you!!>>

JenBear7 · 03-03-2007, 07:02 PM

{{{{HUGS}}}}Nothing I say would make it better dearheart... know that you are an awesome person.. WE all know it... and WE all love ya.. and you have us to vent to.. and scream at... and cry with... ending marriages suck (if thats the way it goes.. ) BUT.. you will wake up one day and say.. "WOW.. Im so friggin HAPPY!!!"...

Hunnyblonde · 03-03-2007, 07:31 PM

You didn't really want to move across the county and leave us did you? This is your chance to open a new chapter, with a new job, a new place and a new body! I say grab it girlfriend!

Prayers, hugs and support coming your way sweetie, for whatever is in your future!