What is going on with you?? - ThinnerTimes

Christina · 01-11-2005, 02:37 PM

I've had this question asked of me many times in the past couple of days and like Bridget told me I needed to get it out and find out what is going on with ME! Well, here goes.. and trust me these are not excuses for hurting anyone's feelings.. although I never intended to do so in the first place.

Yesterday at work (have I ever mentioned I hate my job

) my boss tells me that I have to fire one of the employees. Now, normally this is my job to do the hiring and firing. However, this amongst a couple of other occasions was a special circumstance. The guy was suspected of being a drug addict wich is not why he was fired, he was being fired for downloading all sorts of pornography and whatnot on the computer and not doing his job. So of course I didn't want to confront him since he is way bigger than I am and has a very bad temper. I didn't know what he would do when I gave him his walking papers, not to mention the fact that my boss was the one who wanted to fire him and also he was saying how excited he was to fire him after I hired someone to replace him. So he was totally going to do it until he figured that he would make me hold up to my "supervisory expectations" afterall. As if I don't do enough for this creep to begin with. As a matter of fact after work today I have to go to a meeting for HIM in HIS place without pay.. once again. So I have all that weighing on my head. I can't stand being his little "bitch" and I know that is how he see's me. Sorry about the language but that is how I feel. So that was my morning and how it started off.. I had 24 hours to mull this over as I had to let him go this morning. So I had that stress on my shoulders all day.

Secondly, and most personal to me is the fact that today is January 11th. Ok so big deal right? Two days from now will be one year exactly that I went to my educational seminar at Dr. Callery's office. That's something to be happy about.. and I am. I have seen a lot of changes in me for the better in the past year since my process started. I waited 3 months for my spot at the educational seminar though so it actually started a while ago.. but you all get what I mean. Anyway what January 11th means to me.. today is my niece Brittany's 7th birthday, however last year was the hardest day she had ever known in her life.. last year I lost my Uncle Walt. I saw him that morning and everything was fine.. we joked around and were gitty about the fact that I was starting my process for WLS and we even joked about this gopher at my Dad's house. My dad had been trying to trap and kill or drown that thing for quite a while. I showed him where I had put a sign up with a piece of paper and a straw in the gopher mound.. "Gopher 3 / Vince 0" and we laughed pretty hard about it. Then it happened, he just died, just like that.. no warning. It was one of the hardest days of my life. I miss him so much. He was my favorite Uncle and I know I still feel that pain just as strong today. I haven't talked much about it, but man I have to tell you it hurts. He was young, and I was his favorite niece. He would have done anything for me. Sometimes I sit in his room at my Dad's house and just cry. I know he would have loved to see me this healthy, happy, and thin. He always told me I was beautiful and never judged me on my weight. He just wanted me to be happy and would hurt anyone who was mean to me.. you know the protective uncle type. I wish I could talk to him today and see him. My heart is really sad today and I don't know how to stop crying. I've been dreading this day and it is here. (Deep breath) ok now I have to say that I am not looking for sympathy here, I don't want it. I do know that you all deserve to know what is going on with me and why maybe I seem a little moodier than usual. Hey I posted before that we do get those mood swings.. it happens to all of us right?? LOL Maybe with all these inches I am losing I am having another hormonal imbalance.... hey I am reaching here..

I'll be ok but just know that right now I am really depressed and now that I figured out why, it's time to start the healing process again. This right here helped a lot!! I'm going to go now and call my Dad I am sure he's having a worse day than I am.. it was his last brother that passed away and my Dad is the oldest.. so he has to be hurting.

bridgetgirl · 01-11-2005, 03:26 PM

Big hugs to you sugar pea! For one little person you have endured so much! Thanks for sharing, do you feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders? I am so sorry to hear about your loss, my thoughts are with ya baby.

Christina · 01-11-2005, 03:30 PM

I knew I could always count on you. Thanks for pushing me yesterday girl. You were right. I said it.. there! I do feel a bit lighter.

lealphachienne · 01-11-2005, 03:45 PM

I was at that Ed Seminar too. Of course, I wouldn't remember you as I didn't meet you until many months later. Seems so strange to reflect back on the past year. Has it really been so long? It seems like forever and at the same time, it seems like yesterday.

Hang in there girl, we're all in this together, good and bad.

Dara · 01-11-2005, 03:46 PM

Christina:

We all have raw, tender spots that we brush against sometimes and, boy, do they ouch! You have every right to bereave the loss of your beloved uncle. Considering your pain, I think you're coping pretty darned well. In the past, you might have suffocated that pain with food. Today, you're sharing it with us online and alleviating some of it. What a healthy way to deal with it!

You should be very proud of yourself...you've come such a long way in the past year. I'm sure you know in your heart that Uncle Walt would be proud of you too.

I wish there was something I could do or say that would help take away your pain. But, as a dear friend of mine once said, "only God and time."

(Although, I have to admit that I would love to tell that a$$hole boss of yours where to put his itsby bitsby weenie!)

Oops..sorry! It slipped!

Just remember that we love you and share your pain. When you hurt, we hurt.

Breathe easy today. (((HUGS)))

Americanwoman397 · 01-11-2005, 03:53 PM

Christina

I'm so glad to see you posting on hear and I can just tell you how happy it makes me that you sound a lot better today. You know we are here for you to lean on that's what being a friend is all about. You've done it for us now its our turn to do it for you.

Love you girl

Kelly · 01-12-2005, 12:37 AM

By this time I hope you are feeling better. You know pretty soon your heart is going to take over your whole body!! I'm hear for you...

watergirl · 01-12-2005, 08:00 AM

BIG ((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) and kisses!

My heart hurts because you hurt. Let's fly again! HONK, HONK, HONK!

pambragg · 01-12-2005, 08:18 AM

Kina,
I wish there was some magic salvo I could give you that would take away the pain. You have endured sooo much and still manage to stay true to your core. I will keep you in my prayers that this becomes more bearable. Love you bunches!

Christina · 01-12-2005, 09:26 AM

Today is a better day, actually yesterday got better and better as it went on. I decided that I wanted to be happy, therefore I was. Kind of odd how that works.. lol I also have to admit that I was sad because I didn't get to see Stuart until late last night because I was running all day for nothing.. (literally .. not getting paid for it.. lol)

Anyway thank you all for your kind words and never ending support. You all mean the world to me..

Much love and appreciation..

Kina Bina!!!