Just wondering - ThinnerTimes

AlabamaChick · 01-27-2007, 01:46 PM

I realize all the head games that go along with this process and I have experienced alot of it since my surgery, but I am going through something REALLY strange right now and just wondering if any of you did this or are doing this too.

I have been watching the scales drop all week and it's been WONDERFUL! I have even been able to tell in my everyday life more and more this week. I have actually felt smaller, even sitting in my chair or driving in my car and looking down at myself. It's becoming VERY apparent to me. But what is really crazy and strange is when I get on the scales now and look at the amount, it's so odd to see these numbers while I'm standing on the scales that when I get off and tell James or the kids how much more I have lost and what my weight is now, it's almost like I am taking about someone else or something imaginary. Like it's something I am convincing everyone is happening, but it's not REALLY happening. Is this hard to understand? Surely I'm not losing my mind! LOL It's hard to explain, but sorta like I'm in a dream or in an imaginary bubble and someone is going to either wake me up or pop my bubble! I am finding myself not knowing how to act or what to be like. I know some of you are sitting there scratching your head now thinking I need to be committed, but I know it's just my head trying to catch up with what is really happening to me. It would just be nice to know I am not the ONLY ONE that has gone through this or is going through this. It almost makes me SCARED for some reason to keep losing. I guess it's because I have not been below this weight in so long that I don't know what I will be as a person at a lower rate. I will be in unchartered water for myself and so much is changing so fast......where I shop, what I buy, places I go, things I do, what I eat, what I DONT eat, and the list goes on. This is what I had this surgery for, right? This is what is SUPPOSED to be happening and I'm totally excited about it, but why am I still so scared of it at the same time? I have wanted this and dreamed about it for SO LONG! What made me really start thinking about this was yesterday when I posted to Carrie about how one day a few weeks ago I found myself actually being TERRIFIED of food on that day and I freaked out. It just made me start thinking about all of this and boy it is getting DEEP now! Do I just need to stop thinking and just keep enjoying?

JenBear7 · 01-27-2007, 02:25 PM

If you stop thinking... you'll turn into one of those bubble-heads! Cant have that.. :P I do not know of what you speak Trina.. just wanted to say that if you are thinking it.. it is real.. and to not stop thinking.. you may be over-thinking.. but, I think we all do that.. especially MO people.. always a step or two ahead of the game.. defence mechanism. You mentioned in an earlier post when you were talking about eating in moderation how you expected failure (again, I think this is an MO trait).. maybe this is your mind trying to tell you.. SEE!!! We dont always fail.... sometimes We ROCK!!! And seeing it as not yourself, lets you see the success???

Gina in NY · 01-27-2007, 02:53 PM

I am so there. I have had this every step of the way - but I found the way to deal with it is to TALK, TALK, TALK!! Write it down, tell friends, put it on the board, go for a long drive and talk out loud. (Though I always wonder if I look like a nut doing that. Even put my cell phone ear thing in once in stop and go traffic so people would think I was talking to someone besides myself)
It doesn't really bother me - I know I'm not losing my mind, but these are some fast, intense, changes and to make them real, you have to replay the new info into your head over and over. (At least that is what I think)

I have whole converstions with myself - or I'll talk to someone who isn't actually there, telling them how I'm doing and what it feels like. I'll replay the whole scene two or three times until the person I'm talking about who just put on a size 14 shirt that fit and looks good, is really me.

These changes are so whirlwind - and you have the added non-reality of not being able to eat hardly at all. That has got to put you into some altered state to begin with. Anyway - you just need to keep in touch with yourself all the time. I find I need a LOT more time alone, just to think and I'm not losing weight half as fast as you are.

All normal dear - like getting used to any other change. Thinking you'll wake up and be at your starting weight again, very normal. Just keep yourself in the now - do what you need to do to make sure you're in your own head. It takes some work, and then when you get somewhere - it changes even more...Thus is life.

Good luck chickie,

sdgrrl · 01-27-2007, 03:15 PM

I understand what you're saying, Trina. I was just saying about an hour ago that I never in my life thought I would be as small as this, seeing the numbers on the scale (arranged the way they are!) 219, 192, 129....way trippy. It's kinda cool, tho, isn't it? It's kind of like being able to go back to high school with all the social skills you have now...people who haven't had the struggle just don't know what a major deal it is.

shereeks · 01-27-2007, 03:24 PM

Oh Trina - I know exactly who you will be when you have lost all the weight you want...

THE SAME...

KIND HEARTED
WARM
CARING
FUNNY
SENSITIVE
LOVING

PERSON THAT YOU ALREADY ARE!

coptergirl · 01-27-2007, 03:27 PM

You know - funny you should mention this (and thank you!). I stepped on the scale Tuesday, and was very sleepy still, so I thought it said 138.5, but that couldn't be. So I got off, rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, reset the scale, and stepped back on. 138.5. Nope couldn't be. I did it a third time. Then on the fourth try, I knew it would say 238.5 - not 138.5... or maybe I was dreaming and I was still in the 140's. I woke DH up to come verify for me. Yep, 138.5. Then I thought HE was crazy and I made him change the batteries in the evil thing that was playing tricks on me. IT STILL SAID I WAS 138.5!!! DH said, "Honey...you weigh 138.5 - get over it." Sheesh - I am in the 130's and am still having a hard time believing it even with a witness.

And Gina - I have conversations with myself too...and I don't get scared when I answer myself - I still don't know the names of my other personalities, but they sure do seem like nice folks, so I'll keep talkin' to'em!!

eyesthatkissu · 01-27-2007, 03:37 PM

We are not alone! And as was mentioned... we are so used to failing at this stuff... we just can not accept we might have actually conquered this demon! I too think my scale is on drugs.... I fold my clothes, and put them in my sons colset on accident because they look so small. It's so unusual and surreal when people call me "skinny" and tell me I have such a "tiny waist." When people say I'm "statuesque" and "graceful" I look around to see who they are talking about. I'm over a year out and these things still amaze me on a daily basis. But the fact is, I AM those things, and I have done the work to get here. You too have done all this hard work. Embrace the new you! The much smaller new you! Don't be scared of your own success!!! This is not a dream... this is your new reality!

Deb2 · 01-27-2007, 03:39 PM

Gina,

I've already had a bit of this same thing happen and I'm only 7 weeks out. In fact, I bought a journal and started writing my progress down because I just couldn't accept it in my head. It's all very strange, isn't it?