Married to MO? - ThinnerTimes

Gina in NY · 01-13-2007, 11:24 AM

..........

eyesthatkissu · 01-13-2007, 12:44 PM

Gosh honey what a predicament. Sometimes I don't think we take into account how we will feel towards other MO people afterwards. The one thing I know, is people will only lose weight when they are ready. There really is nothing you can say or do to make up his mind for him. I mean did anything anyone ever said change you in anyway? Or did you just one day wake up and think I've Got To Do Something! There must be something he'd enjoy that you could do together, golf even? I don't have this problem as my husband has always been Mr. Fitness, but I can definately sympathize. All I can say is communication is key... I wish I could be of more help!

LyndasRoom · 01-13-2007, 04:15 PM

Gina, I wish I had an idea for you. My dh is effortlessly slim. He never bugged me about my weight, though I know he's pretty grossed out by the fatness stuff. He never made me feel less than completely loved, I'm grateful for that. Give your hubby time, treat him as you'd want to be treated in his position. You're a wonderful lady, and I can understand why this would bother you. When I get in "the mode", I can become rather singular and focused. Do what is best for you...let him know you and your children want him around for a looooong healthy, happy time.

coptergirl · 01-13-2007, 05:43 PM

Gina - I hear you, sweetie!! DH is 277 pounds, 6', has diabetes, undiagnosed sleep apnea, and Lord only knows what else (since he refuses to go to the doc unless he's on his death bed with a cold). He still eats a pint of B&J's in a sitting at least twice a week, loves his bologna and cheese sandwiches with mayo pooping out the other end of the sandwich, and it grosses me out.

I am in your same conundrum, and feel stuck and don't know what to do about it. I will be watching this post very closely...and if you find the fire to light under his butt, please let me know!

AlabamaChick · 01-13-2007, 07:44 PM

Have you guys tried a good ole heart to heart, sit down face to face with nothing else going on in the room and saying....."This is what I want and NEED". Tell them you are concerned for their health and point out all the benefits of weight loss like doing things with kids, being more active, the sex! They can't read your mind and when you through hints at them and dont come right out and tell them, then they are totally lost to what you are feeling or thinking. It's best to say it plain and simple, BUT remember to do it in a positive way. Don't beat him up for the things he DOES NOT do, but talk to him about all the things he COULD BE doing and WITH YOU! Tell him you want to do things with him Gina......and how important it is to you. Tell him you are being invited out, but would rather spend the time with him doing something fun. I'm telling you girls.....they are clueless unless you tell them. Hope it helps and you work something out. I really do!

VanessaSFL · 01-13-2007, 07:52 PM

Trina,Do you think a heart to heart is the way?I would have been destroyed if my husband ever said anything about my weight.I understand your post but it made my heart sink.I guess once MO always think/feel MO

Gina~I would go out and have fun with your new friends or even old ones.Invite hubby and see what happens.It is a sticky subject.

You know...so much more changes than our weight!(tough situation.)

V

Zenomia · 01-13-2007, 09:07 PM

Gina, OY VEY...what a difficult position to find yourself in. I can sort of relate, though my husband isn't MO, I am seeing him with eye's of a different person now, so I think I can relate to what you are feeling.

For perspective: Try to remember we are now Ex-Mo's. We are the most observant of healthy eating habits, exercises routines, portions, content, quality, quantity....we are hyper-sensitive to these things that relate to our lives. So sensitive that we can identify the problems we see in others. We are like ex-smokers to smokers. I admit, I smoked and when I was a smoker...the last person I wanted to have a conversation with was an ex-smoker. They always new the best way to quit, why I should quit, and how to do it. (they knew it all, and did it.) I don't know about you, but I didn't get this surgery because my husband nagged me about my weight, or someone said I should. It was a decision that I came to on my own. It took a long time for my head to wrap around it. Now we are sitting here looking back thinking how easy it was once we knew what to do. Well, we found our tool. That is awesome. We just can't find the right tool for anyone else.

Talk to your husband, keep the lines of communication open, but also keep in mind how you would have received that information, and what was the best way to present it to you. We have the opportunity to see what it is like to have the proverbial shoe on the other foot. I think it would be wise to reflect on those feelings you had a year ago, and how you would have reacted to a situation similar to the one your husband is in. In this way, you may be able to find a place you can understand, identify with and possibly help with. Always remembering...there is only one person you can change..and that is yourself! The people around you change on their own.

I am sure this was of no help to you whatsoever...but I hope that my late night blather...helped you gain some perspective? I donno....If nothing else...I'm a dumb blond and we will just chalk it up to that?!?

Alleusion · 01-13-2007, 09:35 PM

Oh Gina, I wish I could give you a big hug. My ex wasn't MO, but he was over weight. He was forever failing the body fat tests when he had to do his PRT. At 6'3" he flucuated between 250 and 230. When he got back from deployment, seeing I had lost 80 pounds and was now 10 pounds less then his lowest, he changed.

He never told me he was proud of how I looked. Only that I was sexy and how turned on he was (can o worms, stopping that line of thought

).

Anyways, when I started getting healthy and lost all the weight, he became jealous. He didn't start eating any better. In fact, it got worse. He always had chips around and ice cream...because he knew I couldn't have it. I would get off the scale in the morning and be thrilled that I lost a few pounds and he'd mumble "must be nice".

I like the idea of talking to him, but not about his weight. He needs to know that you feel there's something not quite right. That was my mistake, I never talked to him to tell him how I felt.

MiladyB · 01-13-2007, 11:00 PM

Gina, I do sympathize with you. My husband is 6'3" and is pushing 300 lbs. He is diabetic and has sleep apnea. I know that I am more intune to his eating, exercise, etc but I do know that no matter what I may say he has to come to the decision to care about his own health. There really is nothing that I can say to make him change, just like there was nothing he could have said a year ago to make me change. Zen had some very wise words that I agree with totally. How would you have reacted a year ago if someone you cared about approached you about your weight? I know I never took it very well and personally it would send me into a tail spin and I would go out and binge. I had to hit my own bottom. I am afraid for my husband's health but I honestly feel the best thing I can do is lead by example. Go and enjoy your health and do some of the things you would like to do, even though it may be without him, BUT also try not to leave him in the dust, so to speak. I think compromise is the answer. Talk to him about your desire to do some of these things and let him know its important to you but also let him know that he is important to you. For myself, I won't confront my husband about his weight because personally I think it will just put some tension between us. He knows how I feel. He felt the same concerns about me. He knows what he has to do. There really is nothing I could say to make him change. He has to come to that decision himself, just like I needed to. In the meantime, I will just love him as he is because there is so much more of him that I love dearly and let him see how much fun it is to be healthy.

AlabamaChick · 01-14-2007, 02:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VanessaSFL

Trina,Do you think a heart to heart is the way?I would have been destroyed if my husband ever said anything about my weight.I understand your post but it made my heart sink.I guess once MO always think/feel MO

Gina~I would go out and have fun with your new friends or even old ones.Invite hubby and see what happens.It is a sticky subject.

You know...so much more changes than our weight!(tough situation.)

V

Believe me Amy, I know where you are coming from with this because I know how it feels and I felt the same way as you, BUT someone did talk to me and she talked to me, and talked to me (My Mom) until one day I opened my eyes and broke down and starting crying while she was in dire straits over my health and upset about me and begging me to let her help me, then I admitted I couldn't do this alone anymore. I was too far gone and was going to die. My mom was fearing for my life at that point and SO WAS I. I was just to embarrassed and afraid to admit it to anyone. People have to realize there is hope out there and there are people that care about them. We can't just sit back and NOT say something when it's someone we love, especially when a family unit may be at stake as far as a husband and wife drifting apart and even moreso when children are involved and will be affected by the growing separation and then resentment. Like Laura said....COMMUNICATION. There ARE positive ways to say things and negative ways to say things. You can either be part of the problem or part of the solution. That's why I said don't beat them up for what is happening. Let them know you are there with them for the ride and for support and it's because you love them. Not because you are condemning them. You can't just ignore a problem.........more than anyone a woman knows it does NOT just go away. It just hides until the next time....and then it comes back full force to be reconed with again. Meet it head on....just find a constructive and very loving way to do it.