single moms - ThinnerTimes

Alleusion · 09-27-2006, 11:48 AM

Okay, you single moms out there...how do you do it? I'm not single yet and I'm wracking my mind trying to figure out how I'm going to be able to get a job and how I'm going to still be able to care for my kids and get them to and from school. Anyone have any advice for a soon-to-be single mum?

Oh btw, quick update on my situation. I'm not moving to Texas after all. Financially it's a bad idea.

Cinerbelle · 09-27-2006, 12:45 PM

Hi Jenny,

I'm not a single Mom....but my hubby and I both work full time. We have to use the Before/After care at my kids school. Technically I get there in time for school to be let out, but we still have them signed up for After care just in case I am running late or want to run errands.

Blueyz · 09-27-2006, 01:00 PM

When I was a single Mom, it was challenging, but I knew that I just had to do the best I could. I used the before and after care and ran around with the kids when I had time. You will be ok and suprised at how much you already do.

tm45 · 09-27-2006, 01:40 PM

Jenni:
If your kids are in the La Mesa Spring Valley School district, they have an AWESOME Extended school services program (6.am. to 6 p.m. at your kids school! It saved my life! If you are in the Cajon Valley school district they have the program too!

Best of luck to you!
Hold your chin up, keep thinking positive and best wishes for your new and exciting future!!

Mocartens · 09-27-2006, 02:32 PM

I'm a single mother of 4, so I do have some words of encouragement for you.

You just have to find your flow sweetie. Don't let other people's views of what motherhood should be like stifle you from finding a flow that works well for you and your children. Its definitely NOT always easy. Sometimes its downright frustrating, and trust me, you have more tears yet to shed. Go by yourself, get your cry out, buckle back up and go get'em Mommy!!!!

Children recognize strength. Never forget that.

Always strive to be the best mother possible to your little ones, then let your faith, and the support of friends and family get you over the hump. You can do it!!!! Work it girl!

Its very true.....those before and after school care programs are indeed a lifesaver!!!! Also, there are programs available if you have qualifying income. You may want to call social services or the Neighborhood House Association to see what's available. Best of luck to you and yours!!!!!

StephRye · 09-27-2006, 02:59 PM

I left my home this weekend. I just can't be with him anymore. I have a 2.5 year old and I want to be the best mommy I can be. If this means leaving all my creature comforts behind, then so be it. I am staying with my mom right now...I have no idea what I am going to do now either. I guess we just take the leap and hope everything works out. I know everything happens for a reason...but sometimes it just seems like there's no end in sight. I'm right there with you Alleusion...I can barely afford the bills I have right now. HELP!

Mocartens · 09-27-2006, 03:12 PM

StephRye, look at all the obstacles that you've overcome. You can get through this one too! Its so very tough. I was married for 13 years before getting divorced. Don't focus on what you've lost, or what you stand to lose. Focus on the importance of why you've chosen this decision for you and your little one. Focus on all that you have to gain. You are a very strong woman....if you weren't you would not have gotten as far as you have. Focus on where you've come on your journey and imagine the place that you want to be in, then go for it! Your little one, though she's too small to understand now, will observe what you've had to overcome and know that you still raised her well. She'll think, wow....I've got a great mom. Find your flow StephRye, and don't be swayed by other people's view of your situation. You're blessed to have a mother as part of your support system, and your daughter is blessed to have you as part of hers.

Tawanda · 09-27-2006, 03:13 PM

Jenny,

I was a single Mom from the time my daughter was 3 and now she is 25, so I guess I still am! LOL.

Sometimes things are tough, I couldn't afford a television, much less cable for us for 6 years when she was little, but we used to go for bike rides and walks, worked puzzles and read books together and she now looks back on all of that quality time from her younger years as very special times together.

I remember one time I had $15 to last me til payday, which was five days away and we needed groceries. My daughter was about 10 and I was scared to death about how I was going to feed her. So, I showed her the money and took her with me to the grocery store and had her help me pick and choose what things we could buy to get the most bang for our bucks. She thought it was fun, it helped her realize that money was tight, and it guided her towards conservative spending habits.

There is a lot of help out there for single moms but I was always to embarrassed to apply for assistance. Now I look back and think I was really silly. I've worked full time for 31 years...I've done my share of paying into the system, I should have used it when I needed help.

The four biggest things I can stress to you:

1. If you need help, don't be afraid or shy to ASK. The state, churches, local groups..all have contingency funds and don't feel one bit bad if you have to go there.

2. Don't sweat the small stuff when it comes to your children. Sure...love, feed, cloth and shelter them. But if you can't afford Game Box's and fancy schmancy label clothes, don't feel bad. Children are very resilient and they will respect and admire you as they get older, knowing you struggled but did the very best for them that you could.

3. Get creative. My daughter's favorite story to tell about me is that one year for Christmas I wrapped every single present for her all by itself. I'm talking every single thing: each shoe, every crayon, each hair barrette, etc. She had a TON of presents under the tree Christmas morning and was thrilled to be able to open all those gifts!

4. Trust in God, the Fates or whatever Higher Power you choose. I came to believe that no matter how bad things get, there's always something that will come along and make things better. It might be in the form of a $5.00 rebate check, or a neighbor dropping off leftover soup, but when things look the worst, something always happens to get you through it. Believe it, and it will happen.

Ryn · 09-27-2006, 03:24 PM

I am a single mom and was a teen mom (sadly I am no longer a teen

) I had/have killer support from my family. When my daughter was younger my mom watched her so I could go to school.

I know money is a big issue (it still is with me, especially these medical bills), but don't forget about YOU. To be a good mother you have to take care of you. My mom is nice enough to take my daughter for a night every once in awhile so that I can go out or just have some peace.

lealphachienne · 09-27-2006, 03:26 PM

I have the same question....I just admire any mother who is able to provide for their children on their own. I have no kids, and it's still a struggle. Somehow, it all works out..though it always seems at the last minute!