Dating - ThinnerTimes

sweetnlowe · 07-28-2006, 07:52 AM

DATING. Okay, here's the deal. I'm okay with the fact that I've had weight loss surgery, but it's not exactly the first thing I want to bring up to guys. SO, is it lying not to be forthright about it? I mean, I've started dating a guy I really like, but do you think he would get upset later on and feel like I was lying to him if I don't tell him closer to the beginning? I just hold off because I haven't told a lot of people about it anyway, and it is something kinda private to me. But I don't want anyone to feel like I haven't been completely honest... Anyone with experience in this department, I would be grateful. Thanks!

Americanwoman397 · 07-28-2006, 08:34 AM

I feel it is your decision on when you tell people you have had weight loss surgery. I am over 2 years out and I don't tell people any more unless I feel they need to know. My husband and I were not married when I had surgery but he was my best friend so he knew about the surgery. I would wait until you feel comfortable in the realtionship before you tell him. You are going through a very personal change in life and not everyone needs to know.

Just my thoughts.

AlabamaChick · 07-28-2006, 01:00 PM

Christy, if someone is in love with you, it will not matter whether you had the surgery or not. They will love you for you. So, don't feel inclined to tell everyone you date because it may not always turn into love and it's really none of their business until you come to a point in the relationship where you know it's something that is going to last. Then, they would understand. You don't introduce yourself to someone and say...."Hi, my name is so-and-so and I had gallbladder surgery, foot surgery, or kidney surgery". If he had a testicle removed for some strange reason, I really don't think he would tell you on the second date or third date. See what I'm saying?

Dave T in SD · 07-28-2006, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetnlowe

DATING. Okay, here's the deal. I'm okay with the fact that I've had weight loss surgery, but it's not exactly the first thing I want to bring up to guys. SO, is it lying not to be forthright about it? I mean, I've started dating a guy I really like, but do you think he would get upset later on and feel like I was lying to him if I don't tell him closer to the beginning? I just hold off because I haven't told a lot of people about it anyway, and it is something kinda private to me. But I don't want anyone to feel like I haven't been completely honest... Anyone with experience in this department, I would be grateful. Thanks!

From a male perspective...

Be upfront and honest!!! Its something he is going to need to know as you move on through your journey of WLS and life afterwards.
You don't say how long you have been dating him, but if you think it might be a permanant thing...Tell him!!

Good luck!!

SPICYEYES99 · 07-28-2006, 06:57 PM

OK personal opinion... I would tell because he may wonder why you eat so little or if you get sick (dump) or something worse happens on a date. It's not something you can hide for long as you will be shrinking before his eyes and he will wonder what the heck is up. I tell anyone who asks and even some who don't :-) I am proud of my accomplishments! You shoudl be too, as it's not easy and it's the HARD way to be healthy!

LisaQ · 07-29-2006, 07:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SPICYEYES99

OK personal opinion... I would tell because he may wonder why you eat so little or if you get sick (dump) or something worse happens on a date. It's not something you can hide for long as you will be shrinking before his eyes and he will wonder what the heck is up. I tell anyone who asks and even some who don't :-) I am proud of my accomplishments! You shoudl be too, as it's not easy and it's the HARD way to be healthy!

I feel the same way. I am proud that I was given this opportunity to start over! And if someone asks, I usually tell! But that's my two cents worth!

parrottroofing · 07-30-2006, 08:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetnlowe

DATING. Okay, here's the deal. I'm okay with the fact that I've had weight loss surgery, but it's not exactly the first thing I want to bring up to guys. SO, is it lying not to be forthright about it? I mean, I've started dating a guy I really like, but do you think he would get upset later on and feel like I was lying to him if I don't tell him closer to the beginning? I just hold off because I haven't told a lot of people about it anyway, and it is something kinda private to me. But I don't want anyone to feel like I haven't been completely honest... Anyone with experience in this department, I would be grateful. Thanks!

In my humble opinion:
I would tell someone, but not immediately. I say date for a while and IF things were working out well and you felt like it could turn in to a relationship, then tell him. I don't think it's necesary to tell everybody you go on a date with everything about you. HAVE FUN !

bridgetgirl · 07-30-2006, 07:31 PM

I dont tell. I dont let WLS surgery define me. After a couple of dates i tell, but i dont confide my health history to complete strangers. ike someone said earlier, I dont walk up to people and tell them I had my gallbladder removed,or wisdom teeth taken out.

I hope with you only being 6 months out, you want to mention it so you give your courter the idea that you "arent going to always be heavy" ..... be secure with who you are NOW! Fabulous, unique you. Divulge your health history to someone you really care about. Dot let your surgery be the excuse for why you changed your eating habits. When you skip dessert, just say not thank you, if your mate insists, tell them you dont have much of a sweet tooth. Just my thought on the matter, but then again, im pretty far out.

OT; Hey Troy, good to see you man!

parrottroofing · 07-30-2006, 09:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bridgetgirl

OT; Hey Troy, good to see you man!

Thank you. You too.

sweetnlowe · 08-01-2006, 10:10 AM

Thanks guys for the input! I think I might do a combo and wait a little while before saying anything. I've avoided lying by just saying I'm full with what I eat when we go out, hey, it's the truth! So many people have such strong opinions about the surgery, for good or bad, it's still kind of scary to bring it up to someone you really care about.