Support help - ThinnerTimes

Dimples649 · 03-11-2006, 04:37 PM

I am married to a man who very recently had gastric bypass surgery. While he is limited to broth, sugar-free jello, and water, he acts like this is what the rest of are supposed to be eating as well. His attitude changes if I fix something for me and our kids (19 yoa and 12 yoa). Is this normal and how long does this last?? He is making me feel guilty because I am eating regular food and he isn't. This was his decision to make and I support him, but the rest of the family didn't have the surgery. How can I deal?? Do the kids and I eat in hiding?? Anyone out there that has the answers, please help. Otherwise, this is going to be a very long adjustment period.

SaturdazeChyld · 03-11-2006, 06:22 PM

Hiya Dimples!

I would give him a lil more time to adjust. I kinda remember feeling a lil judgemental about the amounts others could eat too! Like .. "wow .. what a pig!" I think I was just jealous

He will even out as he is able to eat more normally himself .. just keep doing what ya'll need to do for yerselves and make him work it out ... You have every right to behave as you normally do!

Mavisavis · 03-11-2006, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dimples649

I am married to a man who very recently had gastric bypass surgery. While he is limited to broth, sugar-free jello, and water, he acts like this is what the rest of are supposed to be eating as well. His attitude changes if I fix something for me and our kids (19 yoa and 12 yoa). Is this normal and how long does this last?? He is making me feel guilty because I am eating regular food and he isn't. This was his decision to make and I support him, but the rest of the family didn't have the surgery. How can I deal?? Do the kids and I eat in hiding?? Anyone out there that has the answers, please help. Otherwise, this is going to be a very long adjustment period.

Hey there.....you don't say how recent, but from what he can eat it sounds like only a few days or weeks. I too would say to just go about your business. I would maybe make an attempt not to cook his favorite meal or maybe cut down on the snacks lying around.........but you and your kids deserve to continue normal eating. You are right that HE chose the surgery. Maybe right now he is feeling depressed or frustrated. I would try to get him to talk about his struggles........maybe even get to counseling or overeaters anonymous or something. When all is said and done, he still has to face food and decide what his relationship with it and what his choices will be. I hope things smooth out for everyone. Keep us posted.

Bypassingme619 · 03-12-2006, 07:23 AM

I Remember feeling that way when my husband use to eat pizza in front of me, I was so angry but in the end I had to realize I made this choice and I must live by it. It is hard to accept them first couple of weeks but he must recognize that. Don't forget that there is alot of emotions your husband is going through right now. I would approach your husband about the way he is making you feel, don't hold that in. Explain to him that you have been supportive and want to know what it is you can do to make him feel more comfortable. I hope everything works out.

Julez · 03-13-2006, 03:42 PM

I can understand how he is feeling to an extent.Some people do mourn food & its probably hard for him to see what you & the kids can eat & he cant.Those feelings will pass with time(hopefully),there are things I see that I want to eat after 18mo and I dont & honestly I get a bit frusterated,then I think about it and know I made a good decision not to eat whatever it is.
So basically try not to have the "bad stuff" in the house since its not healthy for anyone.Since it sounds like his journey has just begun,it will level off with time food wont be such a focus.
It might be rough for a bit but it will be ok

Hang in there!! Were here for ya!

okiegrl · 03-13-2006, 06:31 PM

It will take time for you all to adjust. I haven't had surgery yet (it's a week from today), but I have had to be on a liquid diet and I have tried to make things as normal as possible for the DH and kids. I did ask them to go out and eat the other night while I went grocery shopping...just so I didn't have to sit there and watch them eat.

I wish you luck in this journey, it is yours as well.

Dimples649 · 03-15-2006, 08:54 AM

Thank you all for your words of support. When I said that my husband had the surgery recently, it was very recent (like on the 6th). It has gotten a little bit easier now that he is allowed to eat soft protein (eggs and such). I told him that he needs to quit making the rest of us feel guilty about eating normal foods. I am trying to support by not buying the junk foods that normally he would eat (chips, cookies, sodas) and I bought a coffee pot that makes it into a travel mug (another one of his weaknessess). I am trying and he is making it a little easier but it is still a struggle. Thanks for all your support and words of advise. I really appreciate it.

Mavisavis · 03-15-2006, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dimples649

Thank you all for your words of support. When I said that my husband had the surgery recently, it was very recent (like on the 6th). It has gotten a little bit easier now that he is allowed to eat soft protein (eggs and such). I told him that he needs to quit making the rest of us feel guilty about eating normal foods. I am trying to support by not buying the junk foods that normally he would eat (chips, cookies, sodas) and I bought a coffee pot that makes it into a travel mug (another one of his weaknessess). I am trying and he is making it a little easier but it is still a struggle. Thanks for all your support and words of advise. I really appreciate it.

It sounds to me like you are being supportive of him and as sensitive to his situation as is possible while still maintaining a normal life for you and the family. The coffee pot thing is a great idea. I use hot beverages a lot to get my liquids, to add dry milk for protein, to stave off hunger, to taste something sweet, and just to be doing something with my hands. It helps me a lot. Keep hanging in there............and feel free to join in and post as much as you want.

kat4752 · 03-22-2006, 07:50 AM

HEY YOU AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY CAN EAT WHATEVER, BUT PICK HEALTHY FOODS. DON'T JUST EAT ANYTHING IN FRONT OF HIM DURING THIS POSTOP STAGE. IF HE SEES THAT YOU ARE TRYING TO EAT HEALTHY HE WILL KNOW YOU ARE ARE HAVING TO PICK AND CHOOSE FOODS TOO.THERE IS A VAREIETY OF HEALTHY FOODS OUT THERE WHICH STILL LETS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY EAT WHATEVER. THIS STAGE WILL PASS WITH YOUR HUSBAND AS HE ADJUSTS TO HIS NEW LIFESTYLE OF EATING. BUT PLEASE DONT EAT IN HIDING, THIS IS NOT A GOOD CHOICE FOR YOU, YOUR HUSBAND, OR YOUR FAMILY. HOPE IT HELPS, HANG IN THERE IT WILL GET BETTER.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dimples649

I am married to a man who very recently had gastric bypass surgery. While he is limited to broth, sugar-free jello, and water, he acts like this is what the rest of are supposed to be eating as well. His attitude changes if I fix something for me and our kids (19 yoa and 12 yoa). Is this normal and how long does this last?? He is making me feel guilty because I am eating regular food and he isn't. This was his decision to make and I support him, but the rest of the family didn't have the surgery. How can I deal?? Do the kids and I eat in hiding?? Anyone out there that has the answers, please help. Otherwise, this is going to be a very long adjustment period.

LisaBoston · 03-22-2006, 09:27 AM

I am 8 weeks post op and went through a point where I could only have water for almost 9 days. It was very emotional to watch my family eat in front of me, especially as we had to eat in restaurants for over a week. I think as time goes on its important for us post-op patients to be around people who eat to get a grasp on our own eating. We can't avoid food. Its around us all the time, whether in person or even on the TV. The first few weeks are difficult, but I was glad that my family didn't have to eat like me. I just didn't cook much for them. You husband is going to have to get used to it, but it may time some time to adjust....give him lots of attention during this time.