A marriage question? - Page 3 - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

Pink Stella · 11-04-2009, 11:19 AM

You all give me so much hope for my future and the future of my marriage! I've been thinking about this issue, too, and I'm so glad to hear I'm not alone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bama

Also, remember you are the one who had life altering surgery- not your spouse. So, don't expect them to see life as you do. Your body, mind, soul, and spirit will be changing rapidly. There's will not. Just remember that and you should be fine. They will eventually catch up, but not at your pace.

BTW- I would encourage you to seriously work through any issues you have now. (We all have issues.) Get counseling, therapy, a exorcist, etc....Your WLS surgery will not fix those problems. Deal with them now, while you have time, and your recovery and journey will be more enjoyable.

Well said, Bama. My husband and I have spent a lot of time working on our "issues" over the past year-year and half and today we're stronger than ever. I know that this journey won't be without challenges - NOTHING is - but I feel confident that we'll emerge stronger and happier. I know there will be growing pains. And Eyes is right - we do teach people how to treat us. Hubby and I will both be learning new ways to treat me!

I have generally tried to avoid thinking too much about what I will look like a year or two from now and have specifically not talked with hubby too much about it. I guess I didn't want to be dissapointed by what he might think or feel and I also really wanted to be sure that I was doing this to improve the quality of my own life first and foremost. But the other day, we actually started talking about skin and plastic surgery and boobs and whatnot, and he was actually really excited for me and for himself, which made me feel GREAT! I am more excited now than ever and I know that he will enjoy the results as much as I do.

Claire-in-Texas · 11-04-2009, 05:41 PM

Ahhh, this is nice.

My own experience was the very same as yours in terms of the lovely partnership you and your husband share.

My marriage is warmer, kinder, closer, even MORE supportive. As a matter of fact, my husband is not very musical, but he encouraged me to take up square dancing, and I am now a certified mainstream square dancer, and he goes with me to watch me dance. It's wonderful. We do a LOT together, we go places, we have fun together, and we bicker far less because trivial things just don't matter.

I have become much more relaxed, easier to get along with, happy with myself, got a job, feel great. Life is good!

Delane · 11-04-2009, 06:39 PM

One thing I want to add to all this, Me and my husband are blessed to have a great relationship. He has always been very supportive. However I will say that it has been years since I was thin, so he really got use to the heavy me.

Now he has always thought that I was beautiful, and he would still tell me that I was sexy, however since I have taken off pretty much a 100pounds, I have noticed that he has become a lot more protective of me.
I have always went and had lunch with him on Thursday's, and I would just go into the shop talk to everyone, and there was no problem. Well now he wants me to call him when Im pulling in, and doesn't really want me coming into the shop.

Even my boy's are changing towards me in the fact that they are protective that I wear just the right thing, and they notice more that some of there friends pay attention to me. However I have always got alone with there friends.

My husband did tell me today that a couple of the men in his shop have made comments to him about how hot I am. He said it pissed him off, because he told them I was always beautiful, and there were like yeah, but look at her now, She is smokin.

So I can see that Jealousey is rearing its ugly head. Also my son Eric told me the other day that he didn't think it was a good idea for me to go the store by myself anymore, because he went with me the other day and I got hit on, and he wanted to beat the man up. I was like OMG Eric, the man didn't know I was married, and Eric said Oh so mom not only is he and A hole he must be blind and not see your ring. I said well he wasn't looking at my finger, and Eric said exacty mom.

This is what its like to live in a house full of over protectice men. Whoo what to do with them.

Pink Stella · 11-04-2009, 06:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Claire-in-Texas

Ahhh, this is nice.

My own experience was the very same as yours in terms of the lovely partnership you and your husband share.

My marriage is warmer, kinder, closer, even MORE supportive. As a matter of fact, my husband is not very musical, but he encouraged me to take up square dancing, and I am now a certified mainstream square dancer, and he goes with me to watch me dance. It's wonderful. We do a LOT together, we go places, we have fun together, and we bicker far less because trivial things just don't matter.

I have become much more relaxed, easier to get along with, happy with myself, got a job, feel great. Life is good!

Yay! You made me really happy!!

Aviator · 11-04-2009, 09:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pink Stella

Yay! You made me really happy!!

I suspect a good marriage is still going to be good and a bad one is still going to be bad. While being transformative for you, WLS probably doesn't affect things too far outboard of your dermal layer.

Pink Stella · 11-05-2009, 04:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aviator

I suspect a good marriage is still going to be good and a bad one is still going to be bad. While being transformative for you, WLS probably doesn't affect things too far outboard of your dermal layer.

I agree with you 100% - Claire's story about square dancing just makes me happy!!

Claire-in-Texas · 11-06-2009, 04:55 AM

My husband loved me before I lost weight, but NOW there is a respect and appreciation that has been added to the mix. He does things for me he never did, little things. He has become more thoughtful, sweeter toward me, more aware of me (how I look, what I say/think).

And when he watches me square dance I see in his eyes how he is remembering when I could barely walk, much less dance.

Rub N Smoke · 11-12-2009, 02:38 PM

That was VERY touching!! Thank You for sharing!

Aviator · 11-18-2009, 07:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Claire-in-Texas

My husband loved me before I lost weight, but NOW there is a respect and appreciation that has been added to the mix. He does things for me he never did, little things. He has become more thoughtful, sweeter toward me, more aware of me (how I look, what I say/think).

And when he watches me square dance I see in his eyes how he is remembering when I could barely walk, much less dance.

I was at a restaurant on Lake Conroe recently and some folks set up and started square dancing, which made me think of you Claire. Sounds like you're doing well. Glad to hear.
Av

FatButNotHappy · 11-18-2009, 08:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Claire-in-Texas

My husband loved me before I lost weight, but NOW there is a respect and appreciation that has been added to the mix. He does things for me he never did, little things. He has become more thoughtful, sweeter toward me, more aware of me (how I look, what I say/think).

And when he watches me square dance I see in his eyes how he is remembering when I could barely walk, much less dance.

Hey, Claire....I am just wondering something. Since you were not walking before surgery...and were in a wheel chair, did you go into rehab (or a nursing home) for therapy at all? Did you have to "learn" how to walk again? Or were you able to get up and start walking after you started to lose the weight?

I am so happy you can dance....dancing is the best medicine (in my book, anyway!)