Advice please - ThinnerTimes - Gastric Bypass Forum, Lap Band Forum, and Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy Forum

libracarmella · 10-21-2008, 01:44 PM

My DS had gastric bypass two and a half years ago. She has lost incredible amounts of weight..I am very proud of her. However, she is a totally different person inside, and out. Our whole family is exasperated, she talks of nothing else, dresses in clothing that is outrageous and uses the word fat for everthing and everyone...oiy! I am considering lap band and I am really afraid of the personality change...does any of this make sense to anyone. I am open to any and all suggestions.

Vim&Vigour · 10-21-2008, 02:30 PM

Hello Carmella
and WELCOME to TTF!
How old is your sister?
Has she found a network of friends and the support she needs to reassure her on her own journey? To find out how she is actually probably like all of us, without the need to have such a wild 'change of personality"?
You WILL notice that we change - and 99.9% of the time for the better! We become more confident, stronger and empowered individuals, no longer willing to put up with unsatisfactory situations. We change what we can and learn to live gracefully with what we cannot.
good luck on your own journey! I'm sure you'll find much support on here, whether you intend to have lapband or RNY.
Cheers,
Vim (RNY).

libracarmella · 10-21-2008, 04:23 PM

Hello and thank you for your kind words. My sister is 53 years young, I am concerned with her and for her. While I know the drastic reduction in her weight has empowered her, and believe me I congratulate her on this, her attitude is of indifference to others. We come from a long line of people that have struggled with weight their whole lives. Some are now planning on having gastric bypass, and instead of being supportive she will say things about how her surgeon is the only one capable enough to perform this surgery. Other surgeons are not competent...etc. I sit there willing her to be quiet or at the very least be more supportive to a family member having the surgery, but no she goes on and on. I love her with my whole heart, I did before the surgery and still do. I just wish I could tell her what she is doing is not nice and she is hurting people. I know if I do she will think I am jealous of her success, and this is sooooo not true. I am proud of her, not so proud of her actions or words but very proud of what she has accomplished.

Vim&Vigour · 10-22-2008, 01:32 AM

Carmella,

Cut and paste what you have written just above, put it in a card to your sister. You have spoken the truth. You obviously care very, very much about her.

The journey of weight loss is a major one, just as much as the surgery is a big one. It seems to me that your sister is struggling with standing out of the crowd and keeping her place. She may not have transformed emotionally within yet, in line with her physical display. Also, it is very much like unpeeling the layers of the onion. The clothes extravaganza is also a rebellion. Remember the mere changes that menopause bring, couple with a major surgical transformation. It is her revolt against what she has had to put up with for many years. She has obviously not gained yet the elegance in her way of leading her fight, she is at this point lashing out. She will no doubt calm down, even out, mellow and when she herself needs less of the limelight will be prepared to share. But, by the sound of things, she will need time, patience, warmth, kindness and space. Difficult.

As for your own journey Carmella, follow your heart and gut feeling. Use your head to research, investigate and handle your personal circumstances. You are being strong by backing off from your sister, giving her her own space, even if you love her and it doesn't feel natural. Don't judge her (but then again, I don't think you are).

You sound as though you are one of those "candidates" that will succeed. My gut feeling. You are caring, motivated, concerned about others and yet hopeful to make a difference for yourself. You'll succeed!

Best wishes,
Vim

libracarmella · 10-22-2008, 04:11 AM

Thank you so much, I hadn't thought about a lot of the emotional upheaval that goes on, although it looks like she is trying to recapture her teenage years. It makes sense that someone whom has had to go through so much turmoil at a young age may want to rebel a little. I try very hard because she means so much to me and I don't want people making fun of her now the way they did when she was younger. I am the older sister and I always defended her when she was a kid, it is hard to not do that now. I will research my own avenue and when I make my decision one way or the other I will know it is right for me. Thank you again, you have enlightened me so much and for that I am grateful.

Gwen · 10-22-2008, 04:40 AM

WOW Vim - all I can say is:

Vim = Eloquence

Welcome Carmella and good luck on your journey

xxx