gregfromtexas

This is my first time to post, on anything like this. My wife had bypass about 1 1/2 years and has lost a little over 100lbs. This is the great news. My question is about sex after surgery. Prior to surgery everything for us was fine with the exception of her feeling fat. but now the fat is gone and she has discomfort during intercourse, and it seems that air gets inside. She went to her ob/gyn and she had some scare tissue from her epesiautomy (sp)
from giving birth to our son. She had a procedure done to remove this, and we couldn't have intercourse for some time afterwords. Then once we got the clear, she still has discomfort and the air is still a problem, not for me but I guess embarrasing for her. She can not stop obsessing about the size of her breast she went form DD to a B. With that all said her libido has gone to zero, even negative. Is this the norm, or are we special, not sure of what I am asking just need help for our marriage. Any addvise would be greatly appreciated Thanks in advance

Debri85

Hi Greg,

Sorry to hear she's having difficulty...but I think it's pretty normal...we go from one extreme to another and if we can't focus on the positive it seems like we trade one ego affecting problem for another...first we're too fat and then we're too flabby...it's about self esteem...

I wonder, is there a support group around she can attend? It might help if she can talk to others who've gone through the same thing..or even a regular counsler..maybe even an anti-depressant..

As for the air, it happens and yes it's embarrassing, I think because women aren't supposed to make noises ...I found it seemed to happen if I wasn't "stirred up" enough, same with the discomfort...to be blunt, is she lubricated enough..you could always try using a good lubricant.

Our (women) libido's are so tied up in the way we see ourselves and we are VERY critical of ourselves, more so than others are of us. One thing to keep in mind is communication is imperative...

You sound like a really sweet and caring husband...she's fortunate to have someone who's concerned with her well-being...

Hope this helps...
D

__________________
Deb
222/180/135
Starting/Current/Goal
LAP RNY-12-2-2007

txchick1971

add a glass of wine............lol, oh wait what am i talking about, i've haven't even had so much as a date in 3 years

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~Tricia~



"It's all DOWNHILL from here baby!!!!"

~SmartAss Ghetto Booty Bear~

Started the process/info session: 6/5/07
End of 6 months supervised weight loss: 12/5/07
Insurance Approval: 12/5/07
Lap RNY Surgery date: December 28, 2007
Onederland 03/15/07

Vim&Vigour

Hello Greg,
What a warm and caring post on what is a more common aspect than we allow ourselves to be aware of!
a) a good lubricant
b) a pillow under your wife's bottom to tilt her pelvis and thereby changing the angle of penetration, thus reducing the air.
c) However, more importantly, start from scratch. Foreplay builds confidence. I suggest you start as if on a first date (without her knowing?) i.e. by just holding hands (and nothing else expected). Progress to stroking on a next "visit", then gradually increase the physical closeness to an arm around her shoulders, stroking your wife's cheek... With time you'll end up lying in bed, naked, just holding each other (with no intentions), then gradually stroking... Gentle caressing of the breasts... Then more erogenous zones, all taking perhaps 3-4 weeks from start. It is heavy duty for a husband, but it does help and will no doubt pay you back manyfold later!
By your taking time, she will relearn to rediscover herself and gradually awaken arousal and sexual confidence. Once more at ease with her "new" body, she will be able to address your needs as a couple.
In the meantime, in your own privacy, perhaps a bit of manual relief takes the edge off a low sexual life. Men's needs must equally be respected, but in this case, to help your wife through her difficult patch, you need to give her the time (say within 3 months?). If you get your own satisfaction, you are far more able to support her and your marital relationship will strengthen.
Sexual harmony is of a far greater importance than most give credit to I think and your marriage will only be stronger for addressing the blip with compassion, practicality and time.
Best wishes and fingers crossed for you both!
Vim

__________________
NOTHING WORTHWHILE IS ACHIEVED WITHOUT A STRUGGLE

TTF Gym Rat #70 /// TTF SWEDEEBEAR

Lap RNY 05 Dec 2007 / 240 lbs / BMI 39.9 / Goal 140 lbs
15 March 2008 WONDERLAND and loss of 42% in 3 months
13 April 2008 very happy but stalling
20th April officially "unstalled" at 194.2 = 55 pounds to lose

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gregfromtexas

Thanks for the advice on such a personal issue. After posting this I wasn't sure I would even get any replies. She is seeking a support group. We will have to try the pillow thing, maybe with the wine first..lol Have tried the taking things slow idea...that is kinda when she let me know that she was feeling so blah about her self. I knew that she wasn't happy about the certain areas but didn't know how much. Again thank yall, and as for any other advice I am still open.