Trying not to get excited

Well tomorrow I meet with the Nurse Practicitioner, NUT, and shrink for my eval. It's a 4 hour appointment for them to decide if I'm a candidate.

I have always been the kind of person to prepare for the end of the world and hope for not all that bad but, I am sooooo scared of them telling me no tomorrow that I can't get anything done.

I don't own a scale but, know I have dropped weight since I made my appointment because my wedding ring fell off last night. 2 weeks ago I was 5'1 230 with a 43.5 BMI. What if I have lost enough weight to bring me under the magical 40?

I don't have any documented co-morbids as I have avoided the doctor like the plague. I'm thinking about getting some ankle weights and wearing them just in case tomorrow. But, with my luck I'll have weigh in in my birthday suit.

After going through the appointment tomorrow I will have to wait and see if my phone rings on Wednesday. The way they do it here is go to the evaluation appointment and if they call you the next day you are not a candidate. Otherwise you have to wait for your schedule to arrive in the mail. With my luck they will be trying to call me but, dialing the wrong number and I won't find out until next week. Then we'll have the whole insurance thing to worry about.

My nerves are shot and I think I am more on edge then I was the first couple of weeks of not smoking. I'm developing a few nervous tics which are funny to DammitSammit but, a complete PITA to me.

I know I have tried everything in my power before this and gave it my all. With the exception of the germ diet which was just nasty. Yes, in the past I did have the all or nothing attitude but, I have managed to change that. I used to say what good is it if I can't take the stairs into the office. Well, parking at the far end of the parking lot does help.

Well, I have to TRY and work. The boss doesen't care that I can't concentrate.