Today

Today seems to be one of those overwhelming ones. I'll start with the good:

I love my job. I work on a project job and love everything about it. We are currently building the new Boston Blue Line subway trains. Duckie, if you ride on em you can think of me.

Now the bummer. My oldest daughter (will be 20 in Dec) got in a fight with my youngest daughter (will be 18 in Jan) and hit her. Violence is not allowed in my house so our oldest daughter is being moved back to her grandparents in AZ. Watch out for her Deb. It just kills me to know that my family is being torn apart by this and I can't help but to feel like I have failed somewhere along the line to have caused us to get here.

I went a little "postal" the other night when we had a family meeting and it seemed as that the oldest didn't see that she did anything wrong. I was screaming and cussing (both of which I do not do) and really had my Irish up. I was crying so hard that I couldn't breathe. I scared the living daylights out of myself and know I did the rest of my family too. I don't know where all that anger and aggression came from but, have to find a way to keep it from coming back.

I guess it is time to let those strings loose and let my girls be held accountable for their actions. It's just so hard and painful.