Food Addiction Ambush

(Ok, my computer seriously hates me! This is the 3rd time typing an ever-shorter version of this post! Arg! Wish I had money to take the laptop into the shop...guess my computer has an addiction for eating my posts. heh.)

I had a bad day yesterday and ended up buying some junk food. Nothing nearly as bad as I would've done over a year ago, but still not great: 100-calorie packs of Doritos, a single serving size of Lucky Charms, a box of egg and sausage breakfast sandwiches, Weight Watchers calzones, sugar free Reese's cups (which I didn't even know they made), and the worst thing, a pint of Haagen Dazs chocolate peanut butter ice cream. It could've been much worse, but I still hate what it says about my emotional eating food issues.

Food addiction is a lifelong thing, I know. It doesn't make it any easier that unlike other addictions, human beings cannot go cold turkey from food. They haven't invented food vitamins yet, more's the pity. But since I've been so good over the last year, I guess I got cocky and thought I was more "cured" than I am. Didn't stop me from having a 1/3 of a cup of Haagen Dazs after all.

Food is warm, safe, comfortable and life is harsh without its protection. I guess I just wanted a little of that protection back when I was down and reeling from life's blows. After spending hours thinking about this, I realize that I am also a little angry about being denied some of the pleasures of participating in some of the cultural food traditions. For example: I always see skinny girls who have their period/broke up with a boyfriend/have a mean boss get to eat pizza or chocolate or otherwise have a food break from life. It's just not safe for me to do that, despite the fact of my rotten day yesterday, which included starting my period a couple of days early, which is making today pretty rotten, too (effing cramps!!!). Not to mention the typical hormonal cravings, which I'm not entirely convinced aren't culturally induced into our brains in the first place. My inner screaming 12-year-old is stomping her feet and clutching a Tampax in one hand and a tube of Pringles in the other. Not pretty!

So now I have junk food in the house, some of which I admit that I've already dug into. The rest I'm pretty sure I'm going to give to my mom. She should understand. Sure wish I had more dumping symptoms than just some stomach cramps to keep me from eating this stuff...but life shouldn't be that easy, I guess. Time for more emotional brain surgery. I'm determined to shed my warm and fuzzy food blanket forever one of these days!!