Reflections on upcoming plastic surgery

Well the fact that I will be having my plastic surgery in just 2 short weeks is starting to sink in. I just got a call from the hospital to pre-register me plus I've started to do all my little pre-op duties. My lab work is now drawn, next week it is my EKG, my surgery clearance appointment with my PCP and mammogram. Then the following week I have my pre-op appointment with my plastic surgeon the day before my surgery. So this is REALLY going to be happening and it sounds as if the 21st is still a GO for the big moment.

I have a lot of weird feelings going along with all of this. Yes, Lisa....like you, I've been having the strange dreams. You know I don't remember dreaming at all before my wls. I wonder if my sleep apnea was still keeping me from dreaming.

You know there is something so surreal about the thought of having a large portion of my loose skin removed. It's been years and years, literally, since I've seen my body without excess skin or fat. I'm already struggling to recognize my reflection in the mirror. How am I going to feel seeing another whole new person in the mirror almost over night? Don't get me wrong, I'm totally excited about this next part of my journey its just sometimes hard to wrap my head around how major of a change this will be for me.

Sometimes all of the past 2 years still feels like a dream. I get on the scale and I am still shocked to see my weight. I honestly expect to one day get on it and see a weight of 355 realizing that I dreamed all of this and the reality is that none of this ever happened.

My heart is honestly pumping hard right now thinking of what is to come in the next 2 weeks. It even makes me feel sort of choked up. I know it's silly but sometimes I feel that I don't deserve all of this "goodness". How have I been so lucky and blessed to have had this wls, gone through it with minimal complications, lose over 200 pounds PLUS get my insurance to pay for not only a panniculectomy but ALSO my breast reduction!!

I honestly am so humbled by the blessings I have received in my life as a result of my wls. I see so many struggling to get approval for their wls, so many struggling with complications, so many who fear that they will never see the reality of goal or the ability to afford any plastic surgery. There are so many and sometimes I almost feel guilty for the road I have traveled on this journey. I feel so undeserving.....

.....all of this...it is a miracle...I have no other explanation and it brings me to grateful tears and leaves me struggling for the words to express how I feel....right now.