5 Weeks

I am 5 weeks out and I find I am falling into the same traps as many others. I am a little upset that the scale is not moving faster. The first 3 weeks I lost the most (about 20 lbs) and in the last 2 weeks about 2 lbs each. So if one thinks about it, I have lost about 25 lbs in 5 weeks. That is of course better than I have done in the past before I was given my "tool". Am I failing at this, too? That's where my mind wanders off to. So even though I have read about people who have experienced the same thing; I somehow thought I would be different. It's funny how the logically mind knows one thing and your emotional mind thinks something entirely different. And I am a creature of emotions that is for sure. And now I can not stuff them down with food. So I wonder where they will go now?

I am OK with liquids, though I am having difficultly drinking enough. I know that I need more because I am very dry, my mouth is dry. I struggle a little bit with the pureed foods. I have found a couple of recipes that have given my some flexibility - and I have experience 3 times where I either ate too fast or the food just was too hard "Tini" (my pouch) and I threw it up. Not everything I ate at the time, but enough to remove some of the pressure. But I remained uncomfortable for a period of time. I have been remembering my vitamins and meds. And it seems for the more part, my body is adjusting to the change easier than my head. I have had the few bouts with head-hunger, and that is so NOT FUN. I have lost my old friend and I am not sure what to do now. It's always a little harder on the weekends or days off from work. Less structure, the days go slower, more time to dwell.

I think that I am not getting enough calories along with having trouble with the fluids. I am eating roughly 500 - 600 calories a day, including the 3 protein drinks. I know that I am not eating slow enough. I get very full very fast. Even though we are suppose to practice eating slow before the surgery, if all I have is the food in front of my, I eat faster. If I am distracted I eat slower and can finish my egg or oatmeal or whatever. And before WLS, you do what you know you can. And now I struggle a bit. It's a work in progress and a learning to adapt to this new way of life. No one has said how many calories we should be shooting for in this stage. All that the Doctor's office gave my was the meal plan that said:
1/4 cup of egg or protein for breakfast
protein drink
1/4 to 1/3 cup of protein for lunch
protein drink
1/4 - 1/3 protein and a tablespoon of potato or veggie for dinner (if you can)
protein drink

So I am thinking that my body is in starvation mode and that is making my frustrated.

I know that I have lost some size. People are noticing that I have lost weight, it seems to show the most in my face. It's a little hard to know what to say. I know that I will continue to hear the comments for sometime and I need to be calm about it. The attention ALWAYS made/makes me nervous. There's a part of me that wants people to SEE ME. BUT another part that wants to stay hidden. It is a dilemma for me. There have been a few times where I wonder "why did I do this to myself again". It's a tough combination: WLS, the holidays, self-doubt, and fear of the unknown. Where am I going to be in 6 months or 1 year? Who will I be? How will I feel?

Lot of people who are pre-op ask if it's worth it. When I can try on clothes that I couldn't wear in the last 2 years and they fit, or buy something in a size 18W (which I have not worn in 12 years and that was for about 1 month and I put the weight back on so I couldn't where 18 again). Yes it's worth it. Emotionally right this minute I am struggling and it's too soon to know how things will turn out. Patience is not one of my virtues. But I am continuing to try and enjoy the journey.......

Ta for now