Bethi's Story
Posted 03-27-2008 at 05:48 PM by LizzieShell
** It has been suggested that I journal as a way to let the emotions out instead of stuffing them. I have some trust issues with that process as my privacy was violated in the past. That being said, the anonymity of this forum gives me some measure of comfort. I know in my heart that the things that were done to hurt me were done mainly out of ignorance ** Since this is a journal, I do not expect comments - but I am not opposed to them either. **
I say Bethi's story, because that is the child at the heart of me. And she is the child who continues to search for acceptance and love. I have read many threads from the wonderful people here and the echos are similar. Some have had bumpy childhoods, others had very damaging ones.
Me, mine was bumpy and misunderstood. My parents made many of the classic mistakes that people make with first born children. As a young child I was force feed mixed vegetables, Veg-All canned mixed vegetables. That's something you can not forget. As a preteen and young teen, I was placed on a parent driven diet and weigh-in process. It's then that I learned how to play the scale game. High School saw me in a special program for overweight teens (again nothing driven by a Doctor). This was handled by school Admins and coaches. The program was a couple of girls and about half dozen boys. Complete with weigh-ins. That's the first time I heard, "you have such a pretty face, if only you would lose weight". I did not think I was so bad. Kinda built like a "brick house", if you remember the disco era.
I had my share of boyfriends and managed to float between the Nerd/Ugly cliché and the pretty/money cliché. I was not asked to any proms. I made some not so wonderful choices as a teen. I found acceptance and love in the form of promiscuous sex. I was blessed to not get sick nor pregnant. I was mainly drug free, I did try a couple of things, but I don't like the sense of being out of control. There was no comfort for me at home, no understanding. There was just expectation. Expectation of grades, looks and chores. I learned to use food to sooth and medicate myself. I learned how to sneak food. I ate things that I did not like, just to stuff something in my mouth. I left home for the last time on May 12, 1978. I have been on my own ever since .....
that's enough for now ..
I say Bethi's story, because that is the child at the heart of me. And she is the child who continues to search for acceptance and love. I have read many threads from the wonderful people here and the echos are similar. Some have had bumpy childhoods, others had very damaging ones.
Me, mine was bumpy and misunderstood. My parents made many of the classic mistakes that people make with first born children. As a young child I was force feed mixed vegetables, Veg-All canned mixed vegetables. That's something you can not forget. As a preteen and young teen, I was placed on a parent driven diet and weigh-in process. It's then that I learned how to play the scale game. High School saw me in a special program for overweight teens (again nothing driven by a Doctor). This was handled by school Admins and coaches. The program was a couple of girls and about half dozen boys. Complete with weigh-ins. That's the first time I heard, "you have such a pretty face, if only you would lose weight". I did not think I was so bad. Kinda built like a "brick house", if you remember the disco era.
I had my share of boyfriends and managed to float between the Nerd/Ugly cliché and the pretty/money cliché. I was not asked to any proms. I made some not so wonderful choices as a teen. I found acceptance and love in the form of promiscuous sex. I was blessed to not get sick nor pregnant. I was mainly drug free, I did try a couple of things, but I don't like the sense of being out of control. There was no comfort for me at home, no understanding. There was just expectation. Expectation of grades, looks and chores. I learned to use food to sooth and medicate myself. I learned how to sneak food. I ate things that I did not like, just to stuff something in my mouth. I left home for the last time on May 12, 1978. I have been on my own ever since .....
that's enough for now ..
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