it's a line from a song, BUT it's also true. Waiting for the insurance company to call or worse, have them not call and just send the denial letter - is the hardest thing.

I want to be happy that I have a surgery date, but I can't. It's all tentative, pending the insurance review. I know it's only been a week tomorrow since I was in the office - but it's been a week since I was in the office.

I know that logically my paperwork didn't go out until Friday afternoon...

LizzieShell

I was awake early Thursday morning (I was restless about my appointment to meet my surgeon) anyway I caught part of one of these TV preachers, a woman. She was talking about forgiveness and I started thinking about how that fits into my life and situation.

I have been hurt, disappointed, (even damaged)and forgotten of many times in my life (haven't we all?). Typically I am unable to hate a person, it's uses too much energy on every level on existence. But I don't think I have ever...

LizzieShell

I finally get to meet the surgeon tomorrow morning.
I have my list of questions. I hope that my weight is down. And I will leave the office with a surgery date. It's a bit arbitrary because the the insurance company still has to approve it. I can see the gliimer of light at the end of the tunnel, BUT I can not reach it.

I know that I will cry either way, if they approve it or not. One will be from relief and one from frustration. The waiting and not knowing is the worst ...

LizzieShell

That's me, I am a pessimist. I can't seem to avoid it. In my way of thinking, if I count on the bad things that could happen then I am not disappointed when they do. And if I am wrong and the good thing happens then I am not disappointed. I know that I'm a little twisted but it works for me.

I do have a bright side, but if there is something I really want - ie WLS, I can not get my hopes up. I can not count on it. If I do and then get refused, I am afraid that I will be crush and...

LizzieShell

This journey started unofficially in last summer (2007) when I saw a friend who had the surgery. She was about 6 months out and was doing great. But I figured I was not "sick" enough, so while I was dancing with the idea I did not get serious. In October 2007 I saw another person who had the surgery and she was a very large woman and she was less than half of the person she was. I could not believe it. And it came at a time when my weight was climbing AGAIN. On Halloween, I was walking...

LizzieShell