shedding the weight...and my past.
Posted 11-06-2009 at 12:11 PM by kovy
it's amazing how just making a decision to do something can change so much...and i haven't even had surgery yet!
it's wasn't until i made the decision to have WLS that i was able to be honest with others, and myself, about where my horrible eating habits come from. looking back, it's not hard for me to see how connected it all was/is.
growing up, while my parents were still married, we were definitely poor. not that i ever realized til years later. my mother, in part from her own childhood, and probably from our limited income, was one of those, "finish every bite!" moms. i definitely understand the thinking...but it would have been a whole lot more successful (and better for me) if, instead of inadvertently teaching me to overeat when i was full, i had been taught to take smaller servings to begin with, wait, and then go back for more if i was still hungry. it's all too easy to see that habit played out throughout my life. to this day i have to tell myself it's okay not to finish everything if i'm full.
the shame and humiliation associated with my weight and dieting through my teenage years with my stepmom were harder for me to realize, and therefor harder for me to overcome. i have always had the tendency to horribly overeat whenever i am home alone at night. it wasn't until recently that i was able to associate it with my past. i was used to sneaking food when my stepmother wasn't looking, or after she had gone to bed. on the nights that she and my father would go out and leave me to babysit, i would GORGE myself.
i haven't lived with my father or stepmother in seven years. i haven't spoken to them in three. but the effects of my time with them are still being felt. it is time for me to stop allowing them to have control over my life. it is time for me to move on in each and every way i can. i deserve to be happy and healthy, and my family deserves a happy and healthy mother/wife.
at this point, knowing what i know, having the realizations that i have had, if i continue to let my past control who i am now, i have no one to blame but myself. if i am faced with a habit or scar of some sort that i can't overcome on my own, it is up to me to get the help that i need.
i don't know if anyone in my family today will ever be able to fully realize just how big a step WLS is going to be for me. not only will i be shedding weight, but with every pound that comes off i will also be shedding my past. the future is what i make it...and i choose to make it good.
it's wasn't until i made the decision to have WLS that i was able to be honest with others, and myself, about where my horrible eating habits come from. looking back, it's not hard for me to see how connected it all was/is.
growing up, while my parents were still married, we were definitely poor. not that i ever realized til years later. my mother, in part from her own childhood, and probably from our limited income, was one of those, "finish every bite!" moms. i definitely understand the thinking...but it would have been a whole lot more successful (and better for me) if, instead of inadvertently teaching me to overeat when i was full, i had been taught to take smaller servings to begin with, wait, and then go back for more if i was still hungry. it's all too easy to see that habit played out throughout my life. to this day i have to tell myself it's okay not to finish everything if i'm full.
the shame and humiliation associated with my weight and dieting through my teenage years with my stepmom were harder for me to realize, and therefor harder for me to overcome. i have always had the tendency to horribly overeat whenever i am home alone at night. it wasn't until recently that i was able to associate it with my past. i was used to sneaking food when my stepmother wasn't looking, or after she had gone to bed. on the nights that she and my father would go out and leave me to babysit, i would GORGE myself.
i haven't lived with my father or stepmother in seven years. i haven't spoken to them in three. but the effects of my time with them are still being felt. it is time for me to stop allowing them to have control over my life. it is time for me to move on in each and every way i can. i deserve to be happy and healthy, and my family deserves a happy and healthy mother/wife.
at this point, knowing what i know, having the realizations that i have had, if i continue to let my past control who i am now, i have no one to blame but myself. if i am faced with a habit or scar of some sort that i can't overcome on my own, it is up to me to get the help that i need.
i don't know if anyone in my family today will ever be able to fully realize just how big a step WLS is going to be for me. not only will i be shedding weight, but with every pound that comes off i will also be shedding my past. the future is what i make it...and i choose to make it good.
Total Comments 1
Comments
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kovy:I can feel your pain but you can't let it ever stop you from better your life as you said you want to do this for your Husband and kids but also do it for yourself..I have been going to he doctors for 6 months and can't wait to get my surgery date..Here is a great big hug from me for your many success..
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- shedding the weight...and my past. (11-06-2009)
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