Will this change be good?
Posted 05-18-2008 at 09:07 PM by jenn75
I told my fiance this evening that the reason I'm even considering the surgery is because I want to start living life. I feel like I'm just standing by, watching life go on without me. My weight has bothered me so much recently that I've stopped socializing with my friends - who by the way could care less what I weigh. I feel like shit in whatever I wear. I feel like a loser (and not in the good, weight losing way). I started Weight Watchers last weekend and so far I've lost 4.6 pounds, but I'm skeptical b/c I think I went over my points half of the time, and maybe left out a few minor details in my food log. Once I use the same scale each week it will tell the true tale.
I'm going to the first informational session on the WLS this week. I've read so much on this forum that I change my mind every 5 seconds. And then I also wonder if my insurance company will make it even harder on me. I do, however, realize and appreciate why they make you wait at least six months. If I went and did it tomorrow, my emotional and behavioral state would not change, and therefor I'd probably rely on food just as much as I do now. I want to eat to live, not live to eat. I want to know what it's like to feel full. I want to know what it's like to actually remind myself to eat rather than be fixated on what I'll be eating all day long.
All I know is that this may be the beginning of a new me, either with or without surgery, or it could become one of the many attempts that I've made to possibly give a shit about myself and then fail miserably. Only time will tell. I hope that I am strong enough, whatever happens.
I'm going to the first informational session on the WLS this week. I've read so much on this forum that I change my mind every 5 seconds. And then I also wonder if my insurance company will make it even harder on me. I do, however, realize and appreciate why they make you wait at least six months. If I went and did it tomorrow, my emotional and behavioral state would not change, and therefor I'd probably rely on food just as much as I do now. I want to eat to live, not live to eat. I want to know what it's like to feel full. I want to know what it's like to actually remind myself to eat rather than be fixated on what I'll be eating all day long.
All I know is that this may be the beginning of a new me, either with or without surgery, or it could become one of the many attempts that I've made to possibly give a shit about myself and then fail miserably. Only time will tell. I hope that I am strong enough, whatever happens.
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Hey there, welcome! I'm so glad you found us. I can tell that you're just starting out in this process, but you seem to have a pretty good attitude so far. It can be quite a journey!! You actually sound a little like me one year ago. There is so much to learn, and it can be kinda overwhelming, but for me, I just really needed to take responsibility for myself and change the way I think about food. When they called me around the beginning of August 2007 to tell me I could pick a surgery date, I panicked. I wasn't ready! I picked the last day they had open at that time, for the end of September, and spent the next 6 weeks re-making myself. I practiced living like I had already had the surgery -- I kept a food diary, started using protein shakes, joined a gym (and actually started to go!), and cut my daily calories way down. It helped SO MUCH and I lost a lot of weight on my own. By the time I had the surgery, the transition didn't come as much of a shock. I've managed to be pretty successful so far -- I've lost 145 pounds total -- but the journey is still only beginning and in some ways I still feel a bit like your last two lines -- "Only time will tell. I hope I am strong enough...". Totally!
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Recent Blog Entries by jenn75
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- Will this change be good? (05-18-2008)
