This is my blog diary of my weight loss journey.
The reason I named it "Driving Sideways" is after the Aimee Mann song, "Driving Sideways." I like all kinds of music but the lyrics in this song in particular always made me envision being in a car. "Thin Everleigh" driving and "Fat Everleigh" reclined in the passenger seat.
I've always felt like a thin person underneath the weight.. the thin Everleigh I was supposed to be. I allow my fat unhealthy Everleigh sit back and do nothing and continue to guide me wrong (while assuming no responsibility for where I end up.)
I'm trying to drop off Fat Everleigh at her destination and continue down the road with just the thin me driving the car and making decisions.
The reason I named it "Driving Sideways" is after the Aimee Mann song, "Driving Sideways." I like all kinds of music but the lyrics in this song in particular always made me envision being in a car. "Thin Everleigh" driving and "Fat Everleigh" reclined in the passenger seat.
I've always felt like a thin person underneath the weight.. the thin Everleigh I was supposed to be. I allow my fat unhealthy Everleigh sit back and do nothing and continue to guide me wrong (while assuming no responsibility for where I end up.)
I'm trying to drop off Fat Everleigh at her destination and continue down the road with just the thin me driving the car and making decisions.
'Disgusting'
Posted 10-27-2009 at 03:46 PM by everleigh
I've been in hiding since all of our company left & my sweat pants & 3x tshirts have become my uniform again. Today dh's former co-worker I've never met was coming by for the day so I brushed my hair, put on a very light makeup coverage, and dressed comfy but nice.
Over the past several months I've felt so big & gross I haven't been going very many places with dh or his friends/family. Right or wrong- I feel like I shame everyone with my obesity even though nobody says it.
Today, dh's co-worker friend, walks in and remarks on our home (which is pretty nice if I do say
) and then looks at me sort of in shock. His eyes big, his eyebrows furrowed, his mouth slightly open.. I saw it, 'wow- disgusting.'
I hadn't ever met him before but I've met his kind- pretty boys, the kind who have the skinny blond gfs and wives (or both) and who pity anyone who doesn't. The rest of the time he was here he didn't look at me. I didn't really register that he didn't shake my hand until after he & dh left to go get a beer. I appreciate dh so much & feel more sad for him now. How embarassing. As for me, I sit here sad, shameful, and SO ready for a change!
Over the past several months I've felt so big & gross I haven't been going very many places with dh or his friends/family. Right or wrong- I feel like I shame everyone with my obesity even though nobody says it.
Today, dh's co-worker friend, walks in and remarks on our home (which is pretty nice if I do say
) and then looks at me sort of in shock. His eyes big, his eyebrows furrowed, his mouth slightly open.. I saw it, 'wow- disgusting.' I hadn't ever met him before but I've met his kind- pretty boys, the kind who have the skinny blond gfs and wives (or both) and who pity anyone who doesn't. The rest of the time he was here he didn't look at me. I didn't really register that he didn't shake my hand until after he & dh left to go get a beer. I appreciate dh so much & feel more sad for him now. How embarassing. As for me, I sit here sad, shameful, and SO ready for a change!
Total Comments 3
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I would love to say that you imagined this but sadly, I've met his kind too. The failure to make eye contact is the tell. I understand where you are right now...I too am tired of being the biggest person in the room.
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How sad for him to have missed out on meeting a wonderful amazing person.
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Thanks Ivana and Bliss. I have had this happen to me on and off several times over the years.. the no eye contact or clear avoidance is pretty standard.
One time a neighbor came in and saw a photo of me and dh from when we first met and asked who the girl was. When dh told him it was me, he didn't believe it and said to me, "What happened?" I privately cried in the bathroom after the guy left for like an hour. |
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